Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Victim of Crime’s Message is Overwhelming

These BLOGS are sponsored by my businesses.
Misty Hollow Carvingwas launched in October 2008
Misty Hollow Digital Images were launched on September 26, 2012.
“Crop Circles’ Web Site” where all my images are available.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Victim of Crime’s Message is Overwhelming
As the first speaker began my attention was riveted to the front of the auditorium. Her name was Caroline.  She described how the telephone had rung and how she heard the voice of her son’s former girlfriend on the line.  After the gal identified herself she simply stated the most unimaginable set of words, “Your son is dead.”

No it was not an official policeman knocking on her door but a stranger from the past delivering the most tragic words that she could ever imagine coming from the telephone receiver.  This child of hers was not a little boy but rather a man – but he was still her ‘baby’ who was born in 1967 and on that fateful day on 1997 he was murdered by a Parolee who had been released from prison.

Caroline’s son was one of three guys that the Parolee had murdered.  The police knew who and where the Parolee lived and the fact that he was out of prison.  They also could have caught the ‘suspect’ except that things were kind of botched in an investigation.

Caroline’s son was the third one to be murdered before the Parolee was caught.

Caroline knew little or nothing about the procedures that the law and CSC have in dealing with murderers… and the protection of the rights of an accused man that has not yet been convicted. Up to that time when Caroline’s family had read something in the News it was only someone else’s story.

Caroline described the horrible steps of trying to see justice done. Remember that was 1997, a long time ago.  And you also need to know that because of what Caroline and many others have gone through with the murder of their kids, the Victim’s issues have now been better addressed.

Because of the brave heart of Caroline and many others that stood up to tell the Government of Canada that the way you do things is ALL WRONG – things changed.

One can only imagine the unending nightmares that these families underwent… and none of us knew anything about it!

My head and heart were reeling as Caroline spoke.

BUT CAROLINE was only the first person of six that spoke yesterday. All six people were Victims of crime… horrible crimes committed by people that entered their lives and destroyed their family’s life.

Are you ready to hear Pam’s story?  I wasn’t.

As she stood hesitantly behind the microphone it was to be her first time to tell the story in public – specially with nearly a full house in the sanctuary – where love and God and all things nice are usually talked about. 

We were sitting in a new Salvation Army church in Kingston, Ontario.  We were attending something entitled “Coping and Thriving” that had Victims of Crime sharing their stories. The whole day was sponsored by the Victim’s Advisory Committee – VAC.  It was designed to help people like me see, hear and maybe understand what they had gone through or are dealing with every day of their lives!!!

Even this morning, one day after the powerful day I am stunned by what I have heard. I am going to need weeks and maybe a lifetime to process what I heard from these people.

Pam was a teacher in a school. She is well educated. Her husband was a Queen’s University Graduate.  They had a family from what I heard. One boy named Alexander who still lived at home and a daughter who lived two hours away with her husband.

This family was far, far away from the typical low life family that I have observed in the different communities I have lived in.  You know the kind, unemployed, living on social assistance and thoroughly messed up with bad relational problems.  Nope these folk were not like that.  Pam and her family were high middle class folk that lived in a nice place.

For some unusual reason the husband had allowed Alexander to call his sister when the nightmare was taking place.  This ‘husband’, ‘dad’ and monster was beating his wife Pam with a baseball bat – and the beating was continuing, ongoing, not stopping – for OVER TWO HOURS!!

Their daughter and her husband immediately left where they live and travelled the two long hours to get ‘home’ to help mom.

At the end of the beating this monster was about to use a knife to finish his loving wife off. Somehow the knife broke… somehow help arrived… and somehow Pam lived through it all.

She did tell the audience yesterday that we need to be careful what we say or do when we come into a nightmare with someone like herself.  She remembers the words of the poor Ambulance attendant as this person came into the crime scene… “My God! My God! This is terrible!” as the attendant tried to absorb what she was seeing.

But these words were exactly the ones that I was uttering as I tried to take in the visual images that my brain was creating as I listened. Unfortunately for my life – this Victim dragged me into her life and the horror of what she was dealing with at the moment. But she was not stopping there… she continued to drag me into her life as her story continued.

The ‘loving, husband, father, University Graduate’ was tried and convicted then sent prison.  He served his time and was eventually released to society again.  On Parole? YES!

And while he was out he began using the computer to stalk his wife again. On his computer they found Google Earth Images of her home.  They also found thousands of photos of women that looked like his wife.  He was proving again his depravity.

He was a diagnosed (I hope I have this right or close to it)… a sexual sadist that wanted to kill women that looked like his wife, and then have sex with her dead body.  At the point she described the diagnosis I think I had almost shut down mentally. The images that my mind was processing simply were overwhelming me.

Pam lived on to find a new life with her kids… and her dog Amber. Amber died at 15 years old… and I think she has a new pup now.

Pam shared some personal and private areas of her life. For two years after the attack she slept with her running shoes on – just in case he came back again.

As Pam moved into life again she found the new obstacles that she would have to grapple with.

Her insurance company would not help with any disability in that she was a teacher… and her telling her story of the beating didn’t rate… SHE SHOULD STILL BE ABLE TO HOLD THE CHALK!  Good God how stupid and insensitive can a company be!!!? Or should I say – can one person be!?

I wish I had the name of that Insurance Company… and if I had it I would publish it for the whole world to read. And I do hope that the agent for that company never faces Crime the way that Pam had to!!!

God help that person!!!!!! God help me to not be insensitive too.

When Pam sat down, Kerri came to the podium.  Pam and Caroline were both old enough to be Kerri’s mom.  Kerri is in her early 30s now.

Her first statements caught my attention.  She said, “Secrets keep you sick. Not all scars show...not all wounds heal...”.

She began by sharing how she sat in court and listened to a woman read her impact statement.  Sitting on the other side of the bullet proof glass was the monster that had abducted the woman’s 9 year old daughter, raped and killed her. Kerri listened and remembered quietly – her own shame keeping her own horrible secret.

Kerri kept that horrible secret for 20 years before the dam inside her broke open and the truth began to seep out.

Kerri first poured part of her story to the Therapist that she was meeting with.  This ‘listener’ was the first one to hear her story.  She had told no one… not her husband or her two children… not her parents and not the police.

After the Therapist listened, Kerri’s friend Robin was the next person to hear.  Kerri told us how she felt when she saw Robin recoil in horror as she shared the parts of her story. The horrible secret that she had kept inside, thinking that no one would ever believe what had happened to her – so SHE TOLD NO ONE.  Now Robin listened for the first time and showed the pain in her love for her friend… not the rejection that Kerri had thought might happen.

Next she told the Police and then she told her husband.

The story happened as I said already – two decades before. She was just a young girl when the abductor grab her in that parking lot, took to a secluded spot and then defiled her.  She saw the glistening of the knife he was about to use on her afterward... but somehow turned, or moved and was not stabbed.  For some reason I could not understand, he took Kerri back with her terrible secret and let her go.  Threats?  Fear? Nightmares? Freedom?  A feigned safety?  These may all be reasons why Kerri was released… but in actual fact she never was released.

The abductor had trapped her forever in her mind.

How does a young girl of 11 years old deal with something so rotten and vile… that she would believe “no one will believe me”?

As I spoke with this beautiful young lady after the session I was amazed at the composure of who she is now. Her friend Robin sat nearby and joined our conversation by listening.

Kerri, if you ever read this… you are amazing. And for being your first time to share the story to group like we were… you did very well. I do not doubt for a second that you will be instrumental in witnessing the unlocking of the prison of the mind for thousands.

Your husband is more than amazing and ranks right up there with Robin. People that stay the course of rough waters and never get tired of loving the one that is hurting. Never having to say more than a few words... just being there.

Both of these people should receive the Queen Elizabeth II Jubilee Medals! They are heroes.

After Kerri finished hearing her story I wasn’t sure I could handle more.  But more was to come.

More came with Janet.

Janet’s parents lived in Napanee, Ontario. I think the kids knew that mom and dad were having problems but never realized how serious the problems were. Their kids were grown and out on their own.  When Janet described having her own kids and one particular child that presented himself at the time of her family’s tragedy was mentioned.

Her mom had left her dad to go into a women’s shelter for a while, until she figured out what she might do next. One particular day she decided that she felt strong enough to return home prepare herself to leave home for good.

It never would happen. Dad, the husband of 31 years, father of his children, and grandpa… stabbed his wife to death. He stabbed her 31 times – once for each year they were married.

As her daughter Janet told her story of her mother, and her dad, she choked up often.

She lost her mother in that moment as well as her dad.  He went to prison for 25 years – which will be his life undoubtedly.

I wanted to ask if the grandkids ever would go to see Grandpa?  What this man did on that fate-filled/hate-filled day destroyed everyone.

As you read what I am trying to pour out, you may well feel the pain of what these ladies have each gone through.  But my question is… can you feel deep enough what those around the Victim of these crimes should feel?

Is it, perhaps, just a very treacherous story that invades your life for a few moments in one day?  Then with some discomfort you mutter platitudes like, “Dear, you just need to move on. You have a life to live. Forget about what happened…”

Yes… kind and well-meaning people say that kind thing to Victims… then they move on to the next good TV program.

Finally when Jasmine`s mom, Corrine Lamoureau, stood to begin speaking I wasn`t sure that I could handle anymore.

Corrine`s words spilled out of a horrific tragedy. Her 14 year old daughter Jasmine was walking with her boyfriend and her friend Caitlin on the side of the road facing the traffic… so it was safer for them.

A car driven by a drunken fool came racing in the same direction they were walking.  Speed guestimates were perhaps approaching 100 mph when he hit the teens. Each teen`s body landed on three different lawns.  The fools vehicle stopped but then started again lurching forward until it hit someone`s house.

The words that ring in my ears “Dear, you just need to move on. You have a life to live. Forget about what happened…” never stop.

Idiots without any understanding of what a Victim goes through utter stupid things… not to these women of course but over 35 years of being an ordained minister I have heard them all.

It was Father`s Day 2009 when her daughter died.  Corrine formed ‘Impact 6/21” that is committed to telling the next generation what happens when you drink and drive… and kill people. 

(Join me to support Impact 6/21 on Facebook - )

Corrine wanted to have answers to her hard questions inside.

She went so far as to go to the Prison that the idiot is housed in.  She asked to see where he is housed.  After repeated requests they did allow her access to see what it is like.

The drunk driver blames his “Ex” for giving him too much booze. Or maybe he blames the bar tender that served him the drinks until he was completely wasted.

But neither the “Ex” nor the Bar Tender were driving the vehicle as the murder weapon – he was the only person to blame… but he takes none at all.

After Corrine spoke, her new friend Lizanne Cronier shared her story.

Lizanne didn’t know Corrine at the time of the accident.

Lizanne was on the way to the store to buy something when the vehicle whizzed between her and another vehicle.  She stopped and turned her own car around to see if she could get his license number.

Instead of the license number she found the car stopped off the road.  But that was after she found the bodies of the teenagers lying in three different spots – all dead.

Lizanne voice also broke as she described the horrors from those that witnessed crimes. The ones that we seldom think of or care about.

The ambulance driver I shared about earlier also was like Lizanne – immersed and not knowing what to say or do to help. Yet in being confronted with the horror she has to deal with it.

Crime makes us all Victims.

Today I write to help me sort it out. I am very thankful for the people that came to share their stories.  They helped me see… and feel… and think it through. They helped me realize that I must do something to help in whatever way I can.

Now how do I tell my community?

BTW – Thank you Victim’s Advisory Committee – you folks are amazing!

~ Murray Lincoln ~

For your inspection
To help me promote my Web Site please copy this URL address and email to someone today and

No comments: