Friday, December 31, 2010

The Pillars of the Earth and Mike Walsh

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Today’s Blog Post

The Pillars of the Earth and Mike Walsh

I don’t think that I have read a book or watched a movie that shows and demonstrates the depravity of man kind better than “The Pillars of the Earth”. The book is written by Ken Follett in 1989 – but he captured the 12th Century so well.

I have read the book three times now and then watched the video once. My reaction has been guttural to say the least. There were moments that I wanted to grab someone and shake some sense into them.

The utter disgust that I have of Church Leaders of their times is profound. I think that would be the same for most people today. Follett has done well showing what he has gleaned from history. Though not a religious man, even though he was brought up in a fairly rigid religious training… he has a way to show that he understands.

For the next 8 weeks The Pillars of the Earth will be aired on CBC in our area – beginning January 4th in the evening.

I couldn’t wait to see the TV broadcast so my wife and I rented the video series. Three disks, and 8 episodes, it is long… but a my wife said… “We need to watch this again to catch it all!” So with our one week rental of the video we may well be plugged into a big comfy chair to watch it again.

My reflection is simple. What people have in God’s name is sickening. What they ask God to do must cause him great revulsion too. No wonder he seems to turn his back on the people that call on him.

There are some powerful things to consider in the book and show. How we live with each other does matter. How we treat each other is important. How we watch out for the folk that are downtrodden by the rotten to the sore people is very important.

In fact when I read over this list and think it through, Follett has come close to capturing much of what the Bible is all about.

Tonight we close off another year. Imagine 2011 already. Too soon – too fast!

The Pillars of the Earth has been a food reflection film for the end of this year… and a jump into next year.

One the side… a kind of real life tragedy…
Last night at 8:30 PM my friend Mike Walsh passed away. His very hard life is over. There are no more struggles.

Mike was placed into the Mount Cashel Orphanage in St. Johns’ Newfoundland. From a very early age he was sexually abused by the Dear Christian Brothers at that orphanage. That lead to Mike’s later life of confusion in just about everything that he did. That confusion involved Crime and eventually a Prison Term in Canada’s Federal Prison System.

In 2007 Mike was experiencing some very serious issues with the cancer that had almost taken his life. He was released in the first part of August. They expected he would be dead by October that year.

He lived long enough to see a small reunion with his kids. He took part in the making of a movie where some of his life story was presented.

Last night he slipped away from one long and miserable life. Slipped away from the Church that was anything but Godly… and horrific Christian Brothers that buggered little boys so they could feed their own depraved desires.

I am sorry if what I write is a little angry… but I am just that.

When Mike came out of prison a local Catholic Priest, Father Paul, who is a powerful example of a Spirit led life… met with Mike. Paul apologized deeply for the past and what these evil people had done to Mike… and started building a relationship with Mike.

As Mike’s life was closing and he knew the end was near… he asked that Father Paul would sing at his funeral. Paul will be there for Mike from what I heard.

Today as I end 2010 and my mind is flooded with so much… I see where God is still God. I see where men are anything like what God’s plan was for them and some of them need a huge transformation before they will get anywhere near God’s Heaven.

Okay.. okay… I know that it was just a movie… but it is so real in comparison to some people that I know…

God help us into 2011 and the days to come.
~ Murray Lincoln ~


Thursday, December 30, 2010

The Custom of Hanging Two Swallows above your Doorway

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Today’s Blog Post

The Custom of Hanging Two Swallows above your Doorway

My Latest wood carving is duplicating two small bird figures. Both are swallows and they are from Austria. One was carved in 1898, the smaller one, and the other, the larger one, in 1902. The story behind these two beautiful creatures is quite fascinating and has opened a whole new world for me again.

The carvings are very delicate and have been broken and repaired a number of times over the years. At this stage the originals are receiving some minor up dates and made a little stronger.

My new friend, that owns one and that brought the birds into my life, had stopped by the Demonstration table at the mall on a Wednesday afternoon not long ago. After taking one of my cards he then called and brought his sister over to meet me at my “Carving Studio”. She is from Kamloops, B.C. and was here for the holidays.

One dove is from Peterborough and the other is from Kamloops. They were separated by their original owners, the parents of this brother and sister as part of the family tradition. When the kids left home each received one of the swallows.

For all their growing up years as children the two birds hung above their main door to offer safety and protection – bringing good luck to the people who passed under the birds and over their doorsteps.

My new carvings of these birds will be one small swallow and one large swallow. Each person will be able to make a full set. Then when they are done with the birds, their children will receive one of each to hang over their doorways.

First I want to say what an honour it is to study these finely carved birds. They were truly made by a master carver in Austria so long ago. Duplicating as close as possible a likeness of the old carving has stretched me to the limit.

Secondly – I asked the Internet about this strange custom that was based so long ago in the Old Country. Why would these two birds be needed and why were they chosen to hang in such a unique place in the home for so long?

Well the answer to that one is “deep” shall we say. It seems in Austria and other parts of the Old World it was a custom to bury your loved one under the main doorstep. Hanging the birds there warded off any bad luck that might come your way as well as reminding you of the person that lays below your doorstep.

The burial of someone under the doorsill did not continue over the years… but the hanging of the birds did… and so did the need for Good Luck – Many Blessings.

As an offshoot of this old custom was the very important edict, “Don’t stand on the Doorsill!” It was a bad idea to stand on someone’s grave then and now – and that custom or tradition has continued in so many families up until today… but few knew why.

You might like to follow up with a long read of this web site -

Warning! There are 25 pages of information on that site to help you understand about Black Cats and how you need to spit over your shoulder 7 times to rid yourself of the bad luck from the black cat… yet in Britain they are considered good luck?.

It will show you how to deal with the horror behind sweeping and having someone touch your shoes with the broom bristles as they sweep… or touch your own feet with it… you might never marry!

Or - Sitting at the corner of a table you will never marry.
Explanation: Girls who sit at the corner of the table, will not marry. Man/boys who sit on the corner will have a wife with "corner" – accommodation

Being easily distracted all through school, this was pleasant diversion when I am older.

Personally I think that the Wood Carver started the “Swallows over the Doorway” tradition at a really slow part of the year – like January and February… Which I think I will also do… and now I need to find a few more Austrians or Hungarians as my customers.

~ Murray Lincoln ~


Wednesday, December 29, 2010

My Mom’s Dancing World

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Today’s Blog Post
My Mom’s Dancing World

My mom will be 90 on January 28, 2011. Born in 1921 she has seen some amazing things to say the least.

Today she uses a walker almost everywhere she moves. He steps are slower with each month passing. But she still remembers the younger things in her life…. Younger days long ago.

She told me a story of her great love for Dancing. I think it was about the mid 1930s when she really began to kick up her heals. She was about 13 or 14 then. Her comment one time, “I loved to Dance…” said it all as her voice trailed off.

As I often do lately I use the YouTube videos as entertainment and fun. It is amazing what you can find each time you visit.

Today I discovered again the Charleston and the Quick Step. I grinned from ear to ear as I watched the videos – both old and new. Here were my mom’s dances from the mid 1930s.

The grainy black and white videos had captured men and women doing things with their limbs that make it almost impossible to imagine how a person can do such a thing… and all of it is done magically to a very bouncy and bright music played live.

The Al Minns and Leon James were dancing in the Savoy Ballroom in Harlem. The link is at the end of this post. Amazing!

Then there is the great video composed of many old films and some amateur shots taken back then.

Mom told me too… that her Dancing stopped when the family got “religion”. Actually that isn’t the way that she said… but it was my impression.

Prayer, going to church services and summer church camps replaced the younger, wilder days on their teen years. They were to all face a new threat when their brothers, uncles and even dads would leave for an ugly war and never return.

Prayer was not bad in those tough times… but Dancing might have helped too.

As a minister is a fairly rigid and upright(uptight) group of Christians over these years… it has taken time for some to loosen up.

At most weddings now, the dance is a key part of the celebrations. Rigid or not so much Christianity now allows this to happen. Lots of things have changed.

When my mom sees the old dances she grins. She misses it I know.

Now I look at my own aging process and the way that I am looking back more and more… I miss lots of stuff as well.

I found Elvis doing his Jail House Rock… watched the whole thing again… WOW! Elvis was doing many of the steps that Al and Leon did in the Charleston – only the music was very different. It was 1957 and I was 13 years old.

I typed Michael Jackson and the 1982 Music Video of Michael performing Billie Jean. Double WOW! Michael’s steps and dancing looks a lot like Al and Leon’s…. only very different music.

That led me to Michael’s “Thriller” (1982) – music very different, dance steps like the old days… and now a wee bit of really off the wall Spiritual Stuff… with Vincent Price’s words… and then the Ghouls Dance… My daughters were about 13 and 14 – same as their grandma was.

Interesting… now my Grandkids are averaging between 12 to 14… and Justin Bieber is the newest and hottest musical wonder. His dance videos all have steps similar to the Charleston as well. Can you believe it!?

Now my mom watches a different world that has really changed much… but maybe not that much. Hmmm?

So what is your story? How do you dance?

~ Murray Lincoln ~

Charleston with Al and Leon
Flappers and Hair Bob and Dancing  

Elvis and Jail House Rock

Michael Jackson
Billie Jean

Justin Bieber – Baby Baby

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

My Friend the Neanderthal

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Today’s Blog Post
My Friend the Neanderthal

This story caught my attention today. And it is not related to Hugh Hefner – from yesterday… really! It reminded me of my Neanderthal Friends over the years.

It seems that an amazing new study has been published confirming that Neanderthals and/or other cave men ate grains and cooked food. They have found evidence of the seeds stuck between teeth of Neanderthals.

The recent publishing of the facts are found in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science.

But you must understand that the idea that Neanderthals were meat eaters primarily came from another site or more bones that showed that meat was there main diet. From the composition of their bones discovered they could tell the person ate mainly meat.


I suddenly had flash backs to my class rooms in High School. Now that is an old Flash Back for sure – about 50 years old in fact!

As we listened to our teacher explain the wonders of the new discoveries then… and all about Neanderthals and other dudes that they had found… I looked across the aisle in the class and there sat a Cave Man. His name was Tracy F.

Tracy F. had a sloped forehead and wrinkles in his brow. He had lots of hair on his arms and coming from the front of his neck sticking out of his shirt. He was not tall but was known for his amazing strength.

On the football team he played Center. And one special plays was used with Tracy in that position to gain the extra yardage. The Quarter Back received the ball from Tracy when he snapped it… then ran up the back of Tracy being propelled over the heads of all the other opposing players. Tracy became a ramp to run up.

Think about the cleats that the Quarter Back was wearing…

Tracy just grinned when they talked about that special play… and remembered, “We won didn’t we?”

Tracy was a good friend.

Later in life I went to visit another couple that we had met. There he was sitting in his Lazy Boy chair… belly hanging over and sticking out under his T Shirt… and a can of Pop in his left hand… and a Hamburger in his right hand. He grunted when I came through the door. His wife was warm and welcoming… and kind of embarrassed with her man.

Yep – I have met a few Cave Men in my time. Some eat veggies and some don’t.

But it takes a study in a journal somewhere to confirm it.

I wonder what that study cost?

I could have told the scientific community most of that from my own world.

Reading the article today led me back to more of the studies that I had read before. I was in High School all over again this morning. What a rush.

Tracy I think became a Lawyer. His suits were tight fitting.

Hey this is a day off… and these kinds of thoughts just kind of come from no where…. Sorry.

~ Murray Lincoln ~


Monday, December 27, 2010


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Today’s Blog Post


Dear Hef…
I am writing this note to enquire if you are really feeling well at this point in your life. I am a little concerned for you in that recent reports indicated that you, at 84 years old, have made some rather serious decisions that could be classified as “Life Threatening” and or “Harmful to One’s Life”.

To say it plainly I was a little shocked to hear that you got engaged on the 24th of December!

One day later after you were making this decision a very well educated group of people in India completed their work as well. The State-run Indian Space Research Organizations' (ISRO) pushed a button to prove their decision making was good. 47 second after they pushed the button – the decision making of the ISRO went up in smoke – then went wildly off in all directions. The rocket that they launched veered off course and exploded and they lost everything!

Here is the photo showing the rocket launch on December 25th.

Here is a photo of you on December 24th – just about 24 hours earlier.

Now I know that you have been a man that has promoted freedom in the sexual explicit world and/or publishing – and other areas as well.

I personally have followed your career moves since I was a young boy.

When I was 9 years old you published your first magazine with your mother’s help. She and a number of your friends put money into a pot and you pumped out that first edition.

You have become successful in what you did… maybe I should say famous – or infamous. No doubt about it… you changed the world in many ways. Not all those changes were for the good however (I had personal experience in that area) – but that is a sideline to what this note is about…

I should state that I am a Minister that has performed about 35 years of Ministerial Functions. In the course of all these years I have performed hundreds of marriages for couples all over the world.

Having done that task so many times I have also followed the results of the hundreds of marriages. Some have been good and some not so good. Attitude entering the marriage was everything… usually the attitude of one person in the marriage overpowered the attitude of the other and terrible stuff happened.

35 years of experience is too much to cram into a few paragraphs on this posting… so I will leave that part alone.

I can say that in your potential marriage there are deep dangers

There are a hundred million men that question your sanity actually.

Why would an old dude like Hef pop the question again? I mean there is 60 years difference in age!!?

I did note that you announced your engagement with a “Tweet” on Twitter. That is pretty cool in that most men I know don’t know what a Tweet or Twitter is… specially the ones that are 84! And yet you used it to tell the world.

I was concerned when I read that part in that sometimes the younger generation has been known to take advantage of old guys. You know they can forge a check using your name… change a will when you’re not watching and maybe even put stuff in your Cola.

Did you really Tweet on Twitter? You can check that out by looking at the time that it happened. If it was during that favourite nap time that you have just before lunch… when the blood sugar thing is a little out of balance… maybe they did it then…. Or maybe she did it then?

Now we have a fairly robust old rooster in our community as well. When his grandson and son went hunting this past fall he went along for the experience. And yes he did shoot a young doe… bagging one for his family. The old rooster can still hunt. He proved his point. But that was the end of it… he said he would not go again.

Hef… at 84 you are an old rooster too. That is the way that I see it as a 66 year old man. You have out “roostered” most men that I know.

But there comes a time when maybe you need to look at something more lasting than marriage to a new young lady – if this is really true…?

This past few days I sat with my six grandkids over Christmas time. While you were Tweeting and Texting I was playing with my grandkids. They are a great bunch. Their friends are amazing and these kids are alive.

As a 66 year old man and grandfather it is what brings new life into my life. It is the thing that changes everything and gives new meaning to all that I do.

In all that I read about you and your amazing life… I found that you have four kids - Christie Hefner (born 1952), David Hefner (born 1955), Marston Hefner (born 1990), Cooper Hefner (born 1991).

There was nothing said about any Grandkids. I can see that Marston and Cooper are a little young – but Christie and David could well be grandparents as well… making you a great grandfather.

Have you done anything with your grandkids? I can suggest that it would change your focus greatly.

Well Hef… I know it is your business. Not much I can say or do will change your mind. I do hope you will someday find happiness… maybe even return to your roots… of being a "conservative, Midwest, Methodist".

The Methodists that I know are pretty much God fearing, Bible Believing and on fire for the main purpose in their lives… God.

Now maybe Crystal will help you tweet your way back to the roots.

Remember I have married hundreds over the years and the transformation is possible.

Anyway… I wish you my best today. You will likely not read this post anytime too soon… or maybe not in enough time to take heed…

Just remember the most dangerous time for the ISRO was 47 seconds after pushing the button…

~ Murray Lincoln ~


Sunday, December 26, 2010

Happy Boxing Day!

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Today’s Blog Post

Boxing Day Offers that are almost hard to believe

Whoah! Checking my emails just awhile ago I found out that I need to rush over to Chapters bookstore early today in that it is the Boxing Day Annual Sale and there is a 30% off all hard cover books! That is a lot of moola!

Now Chapters folks are a cagey bunch to say the least in that when Murray Lincoln comes through the door he usually looks at everything and then buys something that he doesn’t need right now… or just buys something he wants or needs… and with a sale going on… there is more excitement than my potentially heightened ADHA or ADS life can handle.

Now to balance it all out I need to get more computer work done soon in that an anti virus – anti spy ware program is expiring in these few days.

Then I did another check just in case some of my emails go to the SPAM Box in my GMAIL Account by mistake … I click into that box as well… and sure enough I found some that shouldn’t be there.

But while in there I also found that the following is possible… or a potential for me. Remembering that I am 66 years old and a male… here goes…
John Jason advised me to call a lawyer to get a trust fund set up because if I listened to his offer I … “This "system" is so simple yet so powerful because not only does it earn you $1,325 per day on autopilot, but it is so easy that a someone with no clue can use. All you do is. 1 - Push a Button. 2 - Tell the software how you would like to get paid. 3 - Collect checks in the mail (or direct deposit) – End Quote

(Now that sounds great on Boxing Day after I have spent way too much on my grandkids… and everyone else that we bought for in the weeks before Christmas!)

Martha Ladonna has advised me that she has a deal for me… Quote “Cheap Viagra Pills start from $1.85 each… 30 pills for $78 – 270 Pills for $499 – and order more products to get free Regular Airmail shipping. End Quote

(Now I am assuming that she has collected the fact that I am 66 years old with a lessening desire for sex… being that this has happened to many men over 66 in studies shown… or at least the desire is there but other stuff isn’t… BUT it is the warning that you can get massive headaches and a potential 4 hour long – prolonged medical emergencies with the use of the product – THAT TURNS OFF MOST MEN I KNOW!)

READING a GOOD Book makes more sense – Chapters offer looks better all the time!

But someone I must know has sent Johnson Tetteh my way… with this offer… Quote…
“I feel quite safe dealing with you having gone through your remarkable profile on the internet, I am Johnson Tetteh,a Ghanaian born in the Greater Accra Region of Ghana on Sept,1955.A customer of ours who may relate to you (perhaps) from your country died two years ago with a hearth condition leaving behind an amount of (USD3,700,000.00) in the Security Company here where I work as a General Manager. Till date nobody has come forward or put application for the claim.

During the company's private search recently for the late gentle man relatives your name and email contact was among the findings that matches the same surname as the deceased (name WITHELD for security reason) who died interstate with no Will or next of kin. To maintain the level of security required I have intentionally left out the final details.

I urge you to come forward since I can provide you with the details needed for you to claim the amount so that I can be gratify by you, in this way 35% for you and 65% for me and my colleagues that will do all the crucial part in the company to have the claim release to you promptly.

To affirm your willingness and cooperation,please do so by replying me at my private email; (Johnson’s email here), your FULL NAME, DATE OF BIRTH, TELEPHONE NUMBER, FAX NUMBER, PRIVATE EMAIL ADDRESS AND POSTAL ADDRESS.

I do expect your prompt response
Johnson Tetteh
End Quote

(Hokey Mokey… a relative of mine was somehow in West Africa – or some where that Johnson works… died of a heart attack and there is a bucket of money available for me! In fact as indicated there is USD3,700,000.00 of which Johnson intends to keep 65% and I would only get 35%. Does Johnson think I am a fool? The relative that is dead is MY RELATIVE – not his… I am going to use the Lawyer that I hired for the first offer to fight this Johnson character and he will get the 35% and I will get the 65%! You can’t fool this Canadian!)

Then Miss Marian David wrote… quote…
Hello My Dear, This mail might come to you as a spam due to poor network connection of this place I am writing from, but is highly respectfully yours.

I am writing this mail to you with tears and sorrow from my heart, i know that this mail might come to you as a surprise because you don't know me, but due to unsolicited nature of my situation here i decided to contact you for help, please bear with me,

My Name is Miss Marian David, 23 years old Girl an orphan from Sudan, My late father was the Deputy General Manager with CNPC Oil Company at Khartoum refinery in Southern Sudan Mr. David Williams and was killed alongside with my beloved mother during the last crisis in my country when Janjaweed militant came to our house, and that was what sent me away from my country as i made escape only by God's special grace,
You can read more about my country.

After the death of my Beloved Father my Step Mother along with my Uncles tame together and sold every thing that my late father had and share the money within themselves, One early morning as i was cleaning my father’s room i found a file containing some important documents recording that my beloved late father deposited the sum of $8.200, 000 Eight Million Two Hundred Thousand Dollars in a bank in Burkina Faso. Which my names appear as the next of kin,

I travelled to Burkina Faso so that i can withdraw the money for a better life for me and for my younger Brother, But the Branch manager whom i met in person told me that my status here in Burkina Faso can not allow me to clam the money as a refugee, but he advice me to look for a honest and reliable person that will represent me as my trustee so that the will release the money to me, Actually in search of an honest and reliable person who will assist me withdraw the money and invest it, i have chosen to contact you after my prayers and i believe you will not try to cheat me but rather take me as your own people.

Though you may wonder why i am so soon giving in to you without seeing you, well i will say that my instincts still tells that you could be true to me. Briefly, I will like to disclose much to you if you will assist me relocate to your country with the substance that i inherited from my parent which i will like to invest in your country into any lucrative business venture which you are to advise and execute seeing that i have no business experience for now.

However, I shall forward to you with the necessary information on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer and investment of the fund. As you manage the money in any investment, and i will like to complete my studies, as i was in my fist year in the university, when the crisis started. It is my intention to compensate you with 20% of the Total money for your services and the balance shall be my investment capital.

This is the reason why i decided to contact you, please all communications should be through this email address only for confidential purposes. As soon as i receive your positive response showing your interest i will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction. Awaiting your urgent and positive response.

Please do keep this only to your self please i beg you not to disclose it till i come over, once the fund has been transferred i will send you my picture in my next mail. With due respect, I am pleading that you help me, i am giving all this detailed information with every transparency believing that you will have a clear picture of the base of help i need from you.

I hope to hear from you soon, May truth and love be the guiding word in my refuge.
Sincerely yours,

Miss Marian David.
End Quote

(SHEESH – she sounds like a Good Christian Girl – how did she know that I started a Wood Carving business two years ago… and that we had a recession that kind of knocked me a little… and that an investor that could place “$8.200, 000 Eight Million Two Hundred Thousand Dollars” into my Bank Account would be an answer from God Himself?

I could promise her that every last dollar would be used in supporting myself so that the wood carving could on and on… I would take care of my body(by going to Arizona regularly) and soul(by going to church wherever I am) and mind(and going to Chapters for all their great stuff that would be on sale making the $8 Million go further!)

But this one was one of the best offers to date… are you ready?

Mrs. Jessica Williams wrote… quote…
We are accepting applications for qualified individuals to become mystery shoppers. It's fun and rewarding.There is no charge to becomea shopper and you do not need previous experience and you would be paid $200 for every duty you carryout,


1. You will receive funding for the assignment.
2. You will receive the Instruction for your assignment via email on the location and details of the assignment.
3. You are to complete the assignment as fast and discreetly as possible.
4. You will be asked to visit a business location to conduct business be it a restaurant, shopping store etc.


You will receive a flat sum of $200 per assignment. The company will furnish you with all expense needed for the assignment and any other expense incurred during the course of executing your assignment.

Note: You are to follow all instructions given to you to the fullest. KINDLY SEND YOUR INFORMATION BELOW TO PROCEED ON FIRST ASSIGNMENT TO…
End quote.

(My merriment can continue… I can shop and eat and do stuff until I drop and they will pay me $200 bucks each time I do it! PLUS they pay for whatever I buy or spend in that restaurant that day! No kidding… on a fixed income that I have this is too good to be true!)

Whoah… Murray Lincoln – are you nuts? No one will ever believe what you have found in you Spam Box of GMAIL! Probably not… that is why I am so “chosen” and so ready to make some money… specially on Boxing Day after Christmas…

I do seriously need that Anti Virus – Anti Spyware – Anti Junk Mail program.

~ Murray Lincoln ~

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas Eve – Christmas Day and a New Day all Around

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Misty Hollow Carving
This BLOG is sponsored by “Misty Hollow Carving”. You are welcome to visit Misty Hollow and see all of my carvings.

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Today’s Blog Post
Christmas Eve – Christmas Day and a New Day all Around

Merry Christmas everyone. May God’s great blessing rest upon you and your family on this special day.

It is just after 5:00 AM as I begin to write this piece. I checked in the Living Room of our home and sure enough Santa has been there already… the tree is surrounded by dozens of Gifts. Actually you and I know there is no Santa… but in our house it is my Wife Alida. Late last night and early this morning she competed her gift wrapping and placing them below the tree… ready now for our Grandkids to arrive in a few hours time.

There is nothing more exciting than this time in the whole year. Christmas in our house is something else!

It started last evening at 6 PM as we gathered together at our church for our Christmas Eve Service. It was wonderful… special in every way.

As a Pastor I have led this kind of service many times in the past. But last evening it was good to sit and take it all in. So much to reflect on…

The service involved different readers from our congregation sharing the stories from the Bible. Between the reading, music was played, people sang Christmas Carols… then our Pastor spoke. The service was over in about 45 minutes.

The things that blessed me last evening were the number of NEW People that our church has been blessed with. They have joined us for worship and are now becoming a blessing to our church. The other thing that kind of blew me away was the new talent that has been coming into our church. WOW! A New Duet was presented by two young men… and I didn’t even know they could sing… let alone do it together. New musicians and new talent filled the platform.

My thoughts last night drifted back to earlier times in our ministry at this church. The talent was old and tired. At times it kept going because there was no one else to do the job… so they did it. Sometimes that attitude showed up and was difficult to deal with.

Last night was so different for me. Maybe that was because I didn’t have to lead anymore... But more likely it was because of the freshness of the younger generation that was now leading and presenting their best.

One of the young men that had been playing the piano and organ during the service came up to me and said, “I have something to show you.” He had a big grin on his face. I followed him to the front of the church.

There sitting where the old organ used to sit… was a ‘new’ organ that was entirely different. Hokey Mokey! Where did that come from?

His excitement was infectious… as he explained that this ‘new’ instrument was 72 years old. It had toured with Anne Murray, the now famous Canadian singer… when she was much younger.

It is a Hammond B3 – which likely means nothing to you as a non musician. And it cooks! The sound is amazing!!!

The Christmas Eve Service congregants had left the sanctuary and most had left the building at that stage. And it was then that Steve sat behind the organ and opened it up! As he did my ‘gizzard’ inside – shook. Whoa! This old grandmother organ has lots of stuff left in it. With the Leslie Speaker sitting beside it the sound was BIG!

I grinned at Steve as he was lost in his making of music. What a talent this guy has.
Back a few years ago… 12 to be exact… we had moved to this church as the new pastors. I was leading a group of people that would not change… hated change and wanted it the old way… and that was was their way.

Now those old people are no more… or at least greatly reduced in their angry protests and arm crossed objections to most everything.

The ‘new” Hammond B3 sits beside the ‘old’ grand piano that was built in 1875. So the Hammond B3 is really youthful. Together… last evening they both made new music… and every one was happy.

I grinned at Steve last evening and felt great relief… the old “worship wars” were now over. And like the First World War and the Second World War in our World… it can be remembered.. but will never have to relived again. The old attitudes that once drove the efforts of everyone… are now gone.

Worship Wars? Pastor how can you say a thing like that? Church doesn’t have Wars – does it?

Almost 12 years ago now a whole flock of congregants left the church because someone asked them to change what they were doing… I shudder at that memory.

12 years ago one of the young leaders of the worship service came into my Pastor’s Office sat down before the morning service and cried her eyes out. Two old ladies that were playing their instruments basically refused to play the music that the young person had picked out. The war was on and we were losing big time… nothing new or easy was going to happen in that auditorium.

12 years ago now one old man threatened a young worship leader by saying, “I have a $1000 cheque in my pocket. If my wife cannot play that Organ the church will not get the Cheque!”

That young worship leader was standing in my office weeping as he related what had just happened to him with the older man. Then he told me, “Last night my wife had to go to the Hospital… we lost the baby… and I wish I wasn’t here now… and this old man is threatening me with not giving his money if his wife doesn’t play that stupid organ… Pastor I really don’t care anymore… I don’t care.”

Yep I have seen it all… and last night… no one was more blessed to see happiness and wholesomeness in all that was done.

And did that ‘new’ organ ever sound great.

Christmas is a mixed bag of feelings for us all. Last night as I sat there listening and reflecting… I couldn’t help think of all the folk that slipped away because of death. Young and old they have gone to their final reward.

One was a young lady of 42 that struggled with a tough life… and cancer took her, leaving two kids and a grandbaby… we will miss Lisa Rose… My wife and I used to pick her up for church each Sunday.

One was a lady by the name of Lil… who was only 52 years old… died… leaving behind a 15 year old son and a 13 year old daughter… they now have no mom and no dad…

One was the old man that had the $1000 cheque in his pocket…

It has been a very full year of changes… so many changes… so many…

As I listened and took it all in…last evening I cried. My tears were a mixture of happiness and sadness as I remembered all that has happened.

Some how I just know that 2011 will be a better year still.

Gotta get goin’… Grandkids are a comin’….

~ Murray Lincoln ~

 Our Pastor Scott Couper

Friday, December 24, 2010

The Local Possibilities for a Flash Mob

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Today’s Blog Post

The Local Possibilities for a Flash Mob

In early November 2010 I discovered the video of the group singing in the Welland, Ontario Mall. They began singing in the middle to the Food Court. If you haven’t seen this yet – it is must. As I viewed it that day about 849 people had looked in to see this YouTube video at that point.

What a unique idea! The folk were singing the “Hallelujah Chorus” – in a Mall and a Food Court of all places! Blow your mind!

The Hallelujah Chorus is a Christian Thing that belongs in a Churchy Setting… on a Churchy Night when the Choir reverently parades in and the staunch and stayed Congregation joins together to listen to the latest presentation of this age old piece of music. They are also there to judge the Choir now singing this piece… in that old and the staunch and stayed way the Congregation are experts. They have all heard this sung since they were little kids and many have sung the piece in Choirs and know how much work it is… and also know if the Choir Members are off or on.

Now to be sitting in food court and spending a mind numbing day in a Shopping Mall – one month before Christmas… is well not something that is unusual. But to suddenly have a lady beside you stand and begin singing is kind of freaky to say the least… then another person followed by another person… join in… followed by another 30 or so people singing all around you is positively weird!

In the world of YouTube that happened 26,001,881 hits ago (the number was read just now at 6:45 AM on Dec 24, 2010.... but 26,068,899 at 7:29 AM)

This group of Mall singers have broken the YouTube all time record for one month’s hits.

That is just a rough average of just under One Million Hits per day! But is reality it has been much more than that some days… as people like me have sent it all over the world for others to see.

The video has gone “Viral” – reaching what others only dream of doing and setting new heights and records for others to try to reach.

Across Canada other church groups and Christians have now tried to duplicate – copy what the Welland Mall experience has done. In at least four cities the local Faith Community has tried to get out there and howl… I mean sing their church music for non churchy people in very non churchy places to hear.

It is funny to say the least. Oh No – I don’t mean that the Hallelujah Chorus is Funny… it is still beautiful if done with excellence. It is horrible if the players and singers don’t do it well. When dear Sister So and So goes a little off on her part… you just about want to die for her husband.. who will be hearing about it for days to come!

All of this is under the umbrella of something entitled a “Flash Mob” in Video terms… and Flash Mob is not new out there in the non-churchy world… they have been doing this for a number of years… it is just that churchy people are now discovering it and using it for their advantage.

Now off to the side thought… are you going to be nervous about your local Mall… and the possibilities that a local church will do something freaky in your food court… right near where you are sitting… and maybe try to get you involved in identifying with them!!!?

Oh God… I think I would die if dear Sister So and So stood up in our Food Court and went off key again…wailing like a wounded coyote… Dear Jesus don’t let it happen when I am there.

I have the cold sweats on that thought. Usually this dear lady does that stuff in church only… and none on my friends can hear it…

Now as you research it a little more on YouTube you can see that there are other Flash Mob Videos that are very high in numbers as well… reaching into the 25 Million mark as well… but it has taken them a few years to do this. And I don’t doubt that the people that were drawn to the Hallelujah Chorus at the Mall Food Court have stumbled over to watch Flash Mobs all over the world.

Like the Flash Mob in the Station where everyone is dancing all of a sudden. That one is cool! Suddenly old people are swarmed by younger folk dancing all around them… then they start dancing too. It is too cool.

Or the Flash Mob in the grocery store – where everyone freezes stone still.. whoa.. that one was weird! People in church do that all the time…but to do it in a grocery store… that is wild!

On No… another thought… and local Seniors Group suddenly stands up in the Food Court of our Mall and does a jig behind their Walkers. Then my Mother joins in… God Almighty may I be raptured before that moment happens!!!!

The Youth in that Food Court will die laughing as the Seniors break into “Heart Break Hotel” by Elvis!!!!

Oh my world has changed so much!

Mind you we have some new churchy music that might be more fun in a Mall than it is in church… hmmmm?

Think back… William Booth and his bunch of uniformed Horn Blowers acted weird with the First Flash Mobs on Street Corners and then THEY PREACHED SERMONS FOLLOWING THAT. BUT There was no YouTube back then!

Yesterday I heard an interview that Oprah had with Debbie Boone… from the “You Light Up My Life” fame of years ago. She told of her father, Pat Boone and his publicity photo dressed in a leather jacket with no shirt underneath… and tattoos showing. Pat had just done a musical piece with some Heavy Metal folk.

Debbie said her son, who was in Grade Nine at the time, saw this on TV… and in total disgust… put his head down covered his face with his hands and shook his head saying… Can’t someone do something to stop him?”

His grandpa had mortified him with his acting this way.

My grandkids will likely do the same… when I stand up on the Food Court Table Top and beginning singing “You aint nothing but a Hound Dog...” and then gyrate my hips like the King did…

Talk about a Flash Mob when the Mall Security hits me … and then call the police.

Then later I will ask Emma, my granddaughter, if she saw me do my Flash Mob… Emma will express it so well… “YES… and I thought you looked stupid!”

Oh Boy!

~ Murray Lincoln ~

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Transition of Christmas – from Then to Now – what a difference!

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Today’s Blog Post

The Transition of Christmas – from Then to Now – what a difference!

In my short life time of 66 years I have witnessed a huge change in Christmas Celebration. I often hear people complain that, “It isn’t the way it used to be… it is so commercial now!”

They likely are remembering the times that we were all poorer than we are now. I can remember those times well. When one gift was there for each of us… not many gifts for each person. And that one gift was amazing.

I can remember the gifts as they followed the Po Culture of the Time. Whatever was the “in thing” then was what we wanted and would likely get as a Christmas Gift.

When we played a lot of outdoor hockey on the local community rink, we cleaned the ice off ourselves and then used our brand new skates and hockey sticks that we had received for Christmas Gifts that morning. It was always a big deal to show off our new skates and sticks to our friends.

A few years before it was a new wind up car that had a steering wheel that actually moved the front tires left and right… and a gear shift acted like you were shifting. The car was about 8 inches long.

Then there was the years that Davy Crocket was big on TV and I got a fake Coon Skin Hat with a tail hanging down. It was just like Davy Crocket’s hat. Davy was famous hunter-gatherer that lived in the early American Frontier between Tennessee and Texas from what I remember. Eventually one movie had him dieing in the Alamo in Texas as they tried to defend the frontier from the rotten Mexican invaders.

Christmas for me was amazing as each year became a little better in our home. Dad not only worked at his main job six days a week but also worked at night – almost every night – fixing other people’s cars… just so we could buy more things at Christmas.

Christmas Presents that I received when I was old enough to remember were some where in the late 1940s and early 1950s. As time went on the transitions took place. From Meagre to Unbelievable as what we can buy or give… from one store in a small community to the Huge Mall Experience where almost everything a person could ever dream about is available at the swipe of a Credit Card.

In late the 1940s and the early 1950s no one knew about the Credit Card that would come one day… there was a layaway program where the store owner would allow you take home what you had bought and pay later each month… but that was only for absolutely necessary things that a family would need to use. It was never for Toys or Christmas Stuff.

When we were married in 1967 the Layaway Program was there for a Bride to get her dress… and when she ordered it she save money to pay for it over the months to come before the wedding date. That could be as much as a year in advance from what I remember. Couples actually planned that far in advance!

Now today the Mall is filled with Shoppers picking up something big or small for your loved one(s).

Now today you are also encouraged to “Gift Yourself”. That can happen before or after the ones that you buy others. Gift Yourself? Yep – plan to buy that one special thing for yourself… and put it on your credit card to pay for it later… oh boy… how things have changed.

Over the last two evenings I have watched with great interest the TVO (TV Ontario) station as they have presented the Victorian Farm Christmas TV Show. In the show three people have committed themselves to live on an old estate that makes it possible to live like people did in the Victorian era. – the mid 1800s.

Did you know that the “Rule of Thumb” was a Miller’s way to tell if the grain he had just ground was fine enough? He would take a pinch to the ground flour between his thumb and finger to feel the grittiness of the powder. That rule of thumb told him how much more he had to close the gap between the grinding stone to make the flour finer. (There is a Rule of Thumb explanation below… that doesn’t mention this one that the Victorian Folk revealed.)

I am quoting the whole article published on the BBC’s Web site and asking you to read it all. I am also asking you to go to this site and read more about the simple ways that people once lived and see how in the Victorian era things radically were being transformed from what the old days were like to the ways we know it today. The story is absolutely amazing.

The Victorian Christmas – from the BBC’s Web Site…
History of Christmas
It's hard to imagine now, but at the beginning of the 19th century Christmas was hardly celebrated. Many businesses did not even consider it a holiday. However by the end of the century it had become the biggest annual celebration and took on the form that we recognise today.

The transformation happened quickly, and came from all sectors of society.

Many attribute the change to Queen Victoria, and it was her marriage to the German-born Prince Albert that introduced some of the most prominent aspects of Christmas. In 1848 the Illustrated London News published a drawing of the royal family celebrating around a decorated Christmas tree, a tradition that was reminiscent of Prince Albert's childhood in Germany. Soon every home in Britain had a tree bedecked with candles, sweets, fruit, homemade decorations and small gifts.

In 1843 Henry Cole commissioned an artist to design a card for Christmas. The illustration showed a group of people around a dinner table and a Christmas message. At one shilling each, these were pricey for ordinary Victorians and so were not immediately accessible. However the sentiment caught on and many children - Queen Victoria's included – were encouraged to make their own Christmas cards. In this age of industrialisation colour printing technology quickly became more advanced, causing the price of card production to drop significantly. Together with the introduction of the halfpenny postage rate, the Christmas card industry took off. By the 1880s the sending of cards had become hugely popular, creating a lucrative industry that produced 11.5 million cards in 1880 alone. The commercialisation of Christmas was well on its way.

Traditional Victorian crackers
Another commercial Christmas industry was borne by Victorians in 1848 when a British confectioner, Tom Smith, invented a bold new way to sell sweets. Inspired by a trip to Paris where he saw bon bons – sugared almonds wrapped in twists of paper – he came up with the idea of the Christmas cracker: a simple package filled with sweets that snapped when pulled apart. The sweets were replaced by small gifts and paper hats in the late Victorian period, and remain in this form as an essential part of a modern Christmas.

Decorating the home at Christmas also became a more elaborate affair. The medieval tradition of using evergreens continued, however the style and placement of these decorations became more important. The old custom of simply decking walls and windows with sprigs and twigs was sniffed at. Uniformity, order and elegance were encouraged. There were instructions on how to make elaborate synthetic decorations for those residing in towns. In 1881 Cassell's Family Magazine gave strict directions to the lady of the house: "To bring about a general feeling of enjoyment, much depends on the surroundings… It is worth while to bestow some little trouble on the decoration of the rooms".

Gift giving had traditionally been at New Year but moved as Christmas became more important to the Victorians. Initially gifts were rather modest – fruit, nuts, sweets and small handmade trinkets. These were usually hung on the Christmas tree. However, as gift giving became more central to the festival, and the gifts became bigger and shop-bought, they moved under the tree.

The Christmas feast has its roots from before the Middle Ages, but it's during the Victorian period that the dinner we now associate with Christmas began to take shape. Examination of early Victorian recipes shows that mince pies were initially made from meat, a tradition dating back to Tudor times. However, during the 19th century there was a revolution in the composition of this festive dish. Mixes without meat began to gain popularity within some of the higher echelons of society and became the mince pies we know today.

The roast turkey also has its beginnings in Victorian Britain. Previously other forms of roasted meat such as beef and goose were the centrepiece of the Christmas dinner. The turkey was added to this by the more wealthy sections of the community in the 19th century, but its perfect size for a middle class family gathering meant it became the dominant dish by the beginning of the 20th century.

While carols were not new to the Victorians, it was a tradition that they actively revived and popularised. The Victorians considered carols to be a delightful form of musical entertainment, and a pleasure well worth cultivating. Old words were put to new tunes and the first significant collection of carols was published in 1833 for all to enjoy.

The Victorians also transformed the idea of Christmas so that it became centred around the family. The preparation and eating of the feast, decorations and gift giving, entertainments and parlour games - all were essential to the celebration of the festival and were to be shared by the whole family.

While Charles Dickens did not invent the Victorian Christmas, his book A Christmas Carol is credited with helping to popularise and spread the traditions of the festival. Its themes of family, charity, goodwill, peace and happiness encapsulate the spirit of the Victorian Christmas, and are very much a part of the Christmas we celebrate today.
End Quote

My roots were solidly from this era… I realize now. Much of what we followed came from my Victorian heritage.

I am amazed to say the least.

I thank the TVO folk for their rebroadcast of the series the “Victorian Christmas”. I specially than the BBC and Alex, Peter and Ruth for a absolutely GREAT Job that was done so well!

~ Murray Lincoln ~

TVO’s Videos –
Episode One
Episode Two

Victorian Christmas

Rule of Thumb

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

“I won’t make a very good Shepherd… because I am Korean.”

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Today’s Blog Post
“I won’t make a very good Shepherd… because I am Korean.”

One more exciting evening complete! A pause in a busy week! That is what Grandparents do best at Christmas.

The curtain was not yet open but you could hear them talking and final instructions being given. The excitement was bubbling from the bottom of the Red Velvet Curtain… the show was about to start.

It had started earlier in the week when Lina had asked Grandpa if he had something that could work as a Shepherd’s Staff for her Christmas presentation at her school. Lina was going to be a Shepherd for her class.

Of course Grandpa has everything in his Garage that a Kid could ever need. Over in the dusty corner was an Old Walking Cane that I had kept just in case… the Old Cane was perfect for a Shepherd’s Staff.

But the story didn’t start there.

Lina had come home from school very sad a while ago.

I should note for you that Lina is one of the most beautiful Korean Girls I have ever met. Someday with her drama and with her looks she will likely be a TV or Movie Star. She can turn on the tears, beam with delight or smoulder with attitudes that are hilarious. Very entertaining to say the least.

But this particular day as she came home she was kind of sad and maybe exasperated. She stated for her Mom to hear her deep feelings.. “I won’t make a very good Shepherd… because I am Korean.”

When I heard that I wanted to hug her. Lina – you are the best Shepherd because of Grandpa’s Shepherd’s Staff. You definitely will be the cutest for all to see!!!

Anyway… when the curtains opened… and I had my camera in hand taking the videos… there was one pint sized Korean Shepherd waving at her Grandpa for all she was worth. That Grandpa is me! I beamed from ear to ear and maybe lit up some of the auditorium with my pride. I wanted to yell… “Hey everyone… THAT IS MY GRANDDAUGHTER UP THERE! SHE IS THAT CUTE SHEPHERD! Wahoo!” But I didn’t.

Some people look at me a little funny when Lina gives me a big hug and calls my Grandpa… because I am not Korean.

Because I have adopted her Dad and Mom as my Kids… their kids are my Grandkids!

It was a wonderful night.

Two more of my Grandkids also attend that school. Their names are Aaron and Ethan. I adopted them through the Kinsmen Football League where their mom and dad bring them during the Fall season.

These are two of the sharpest Boys at St. Catherine’s School in Peterborough! I am not too proud of course!!!

We returned home smiling. What a wonderful night to be there with my Grandkids.

Thank you to Arron, Ethan and Lina.. you are the BEST!

~ Murray Lincoln ~

 Aaron's Class Presentation - Aaron is on the left in Red

 Ethan's Presentation - all about how other countries Celebrate Christmas - this one was about Japan - and I never realized that a favorite food for Christmas is KFC Chicken!

 St. Catherine's School Lost and Found... yet few parents recognized their kids stuff - too funny

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Lunar Eclipse 2010 – Peterborough Ontario – Minus 10 C Brrr

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Today’s Blog Post
(Photo borrowed from National Geographic - it looked similar to this - but my little camera couldn't do it)

Lunar Eclipse 2010 – Peterborough Ontario – Minus 10 C Brrr

I did it! I saw it! I expect my world to change overnight! And what I saw and did – will not happen again for 456 years!!! The last time it happened was in 1638. Too amazing really when you think of it!!!! Wow!

I stood on our side deck and watched the last half of the Moon being uncovered from the shadow of the earth. And I nearly froze to death – it was Minus 10 C….! Now add to that I was still in my pyjamas… brrr

There will be other Lunar Eclipses… but never again in my lifetime on the Winter Solstice in Canada… and on my side of the earth – which I know I will not be there 400+ years from now.

As I started musing about this…my house was in a forest 372 years ago and Peterborough was but a gleam in some settler’s eye. The one that happened before that was way before the White Man ever knew that North America ever existed…and before the Aboriginal Folk knew they would get enough new neighbours to rename their country.

Mind you, if I am not mistaken, nothing happened in the other half of our globe.

And when I go back to 1638 and perhaps somewhere in the 1200s – no Aboriginal Man in his right mind would get out of his sleeping quarters to stand in his Pyjamas at Minus 10 C… Only a white man would do something that nuts!

Too crazy for words.

What it does show me is that we are Media Swamped.. encompassed… swallowed up… gobbled up… and don’t even understand the full affects yet. We are pressured internally to wonder… to fear… to question… to run like silly rabbits that are frightened to death for what might happen… because the reporter told us so.

My mom shuffled into my office last evening and asked if I had heard that there was going to be a Lunar Eclipse? I assured her I had… about a million times already. She was a wee bit questioning if she was about to miss something.

Mom likes to go with us to see stuff and do stuff. She likes to be in on everything that is going on.

The thought of her being roused at 3:00 AM – 4:00 AM – 5:00 AM and standing in her pyjamas on the side deck… was kind of funny. She is one month and seven days away from turning 90 years old. But she still doesn’t want to miss it.

The young, enthusiastic weather man that the local TV Station is her favourite to listen to. I know she doesn’t understand half of his Meteorological description of everything… but he is entertaining for this old girl!

I assured mom as she left my office that there probably would be clouds above us and it would happen as we slept.

There were no clouds and it was happening as she was sleeping. I didn’t get her up. Today the weather man will show some his photos I am sure…

Now the media tried to stir things up again about stuff happening in Ottawa, our National Capital City… where our Government Elected warriors are preparing to exit the city… threats of a possible election being called in early new year… Hummph!

Nope.. we don’t want it… yet maybe it would be good to do this in January at Minus 25 C – it would sure prove and show which Politicians meant business and would knock on my cold door… hmmm!

The Lunar Eclipse has come and gone. Not much has changed in my world so far – except maybe I am one night closer to my last sleep on earth… and one day closer to having to get some Christmas Presents for my wife!

Yikes I gotta run with that thought. WalMart is open 24 hours now… I can get there before… oh boy.. gotta get that last thing done!

~ Murray Lincoln ~

Photos of last night's Eclipse
History and Info

Monday, December 20, 2010

Christmas Cookie Rules for 2010

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Christmas Cookie Rules for 2010

So how many turkey dinners have you participated in so far?

By now most Canadians have had about three Christmas Functions that that they have attended. At least one will have been with turkey being served. And the others will have had lots of sweet Christmas delights.

It is the one time of the year that we will take in a little extra… and enjoy a few more bites that we should. It all just tastes so good!

Then there is the guilt factor that accompanies all that extra stuff that you eat. It is a downer for sure to know that after savouring that one delicious morsel, you will have to hold back on so much extra to compensate for what you have done.

I have found the perfect answer to the extras that we eat. It is confirmed to be true because I found it on the Internet. It is the best thing yet to help me deal with my deep feelings and terrible guilt.

Are you ready for my annual presentation of why you should and can eat lots of Christmas Cookies?

Here goes…

Christmas Cookie Rules...
1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free..

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's first cookie is calorie free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!

7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate.
We all know how calories like to CLING!

10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule!

~ Murray Lincoln ~