Thursday, August 23, 2012

Apprehension and Anxiety – Double “A” Killers

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Apprehension and Anxiety – Double “A” Killers

Have you ever been worried about a meeting coming up – that you need to attend – and you are apprehensive about going? Your anxiety is building to impossible levels to be able to deal with it… because you know who will be there.

Maybe it was a school reunion?  Maybe it was wedding?  Maybe it was a doctor’s appointment?  Whatever it was is, inside you are dying a thousand deaths with the thoughts that cripple your movements and actions of the day.

Let’s try this simple exercise.  Think back to the last three times that you suffered that great anxiety attack.  Think of the time when you felt the great apprehension and almost decided to not go… or maybe you did decide to not go at all.

Now add to that one or two that you are carrying for today.

Did your blood pressure jump at all?  Did you start feeling ill at ease in any way?  Do you wish that I would have never brought up this topic?

The Double “A” Killer is there in a real way. Anyone that has thought of this will recognize the strong feelings that we experience when this happens.  And we will do almost anything to avoid it from taking a toll on our life or person that time.

For the fun of it I counted the number of time that I felt these strong feelings of the Double “A”s – just one day. That was yesterday.

My name is up for an election to a rather important position - tomorrow. People have nominated me to this really important possible position.  That is a Double “A” Moment. The election takes place tomorrow.  And each hour the Double “A” is increasing. This one is BIG.  I am not sure that it is Number 1 or if it is likely turned into about 500 now – as I wait.

I am required to stand up in front of the Electing Body tomorrow and give a speech about why I think they should elect me.  I need to tell them about what a wonderful person I have become.  That is likely Number 2 – repeated over about 700 times!

The Double “A” continues in this area… when the thought came bouncing by to make it worse… “No one will believe what you will say… you don’t even believe what you will say!!”  Number 3 – repeated about 800 times this week.

500 plus 700 plus 800 are adding up to be over 2000 thoughts that have driven me crazy so far this last two weeks. I am not sure that I really want to do this… YET I KNOW that I would be good at it and will be a good leader. Oh boy.

Last week on Friday I had to stop taking any anti histamine for my allergies while I get ready for an Allergy Test this afternoon.  I am nearly crawling with my nose and throat itching. I am sneezing my head off.

Number 4 Double “A” came again this morning – will the tests that they give me today cause me to break out in a severe case of hives – right there in the Doctor’s Office? Worse yet will it possibly hospitalize me with some sort of violent reaction?

Oh Boy – Number 4 has about four sub levels of worry in it… and I have worried even more about this one.

Oh. Oh. Here comes Number 5. I will be swelled up like a balloon when I have to stand up tomorrow and say my words… or worse yet I will be on a breathing machine at the Hospital… gasping for air. Number 6, 7 and 8 just arrived.

Last night I took our “grand dog” for the evening walk before bed time.  Sheesh!  He shot across the sidewalk towards a bush, his hair on his shoulders stood up… and he froze.  The Double “A” thing went nuts.  Skunk in the BUSH?  Raccoon in the BUSH?  Something was in that BUSH and he was about to take it down.  Bang. Wham. Jerk. I grabbed the leash and held it tightly so he couldn’t go into the BUSH.

My heart was racing and I was ready to kill the dog. But he couldn’t go into the BUSH with the leash pulling him out – backwards.

This “grand dog” sitting is going to be over in a day or so… that Double “A” will go away.

Thank God that the possible Skunk had not sprayed us… or today in the Doctor’s Office would have not been so good. They told me not to come with any Aftershave Lotion or heavily scented stuff on. Skunk Spray would have killed this appointment and the election – let alone to the speech!

I can’t give you any more – there is just too much to write down.  From my guess I am at the 4000 level of Double “A” problems today.

I have a Friend that sends me a Text Message every day that simply says – “Have a great day.”  When I turn on my Cell Phone the familiar Bing Bong will tell me his message is in.

He lost all his things in the recent fire at a housing complex in our city. His wife told me the move next week from the Hotel they have been staying in to the Town House unit will not be that hard – they have little to move.

I spoke with the Bride before last week’s wedding. She said she could understand why some people back out of the wedding at the last minute.

She also told me that the place they were ready to move into after the wedding was now gone. They have lost their apartment. They have five kids and no money and don’t know what to do.

As she said “I will” and “I do” she had to be experiencing Double “A” about a million times over… yet she went through with it.

As I have thought of her and what she faces today… my Double “A” disappeared - poof it was all gone.

Maybe your own Double “A” problem is now getting better after you have read of my life issues – and her huge problem they now face.

Thank you God for Today. You said you would be with me and I sure hope you haven’t forgot that promise.

~ Murray Lincoln ~

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