This BLOG is sponsored
by “Misty Hollow
Carving”.
You are welcome to visit Misty Hollow and see all of my carvings.
My Web Site is a like a Gallery
– please drop in for a stroll through.
To help me promote my
Web Site please copy this URL address and email to someone today http://www.murraylincoln.com/
The “Loss List” vs “Possibility List” –
the “Tomorrow List” – the “What if I tried this? List”
It is the strangest feeling to
work through.
I quit the job on the
committee and I feel like crap. I worked
on and for this committee for 14 years and now that I said I will not be
serving in the leadership role any longer – I wish I hadn’t resigned. Yet I am delighted to be able to be freer
now!
I have had these feelings
before. I remember.
The last major time was in
July 2008. I had stopped working after all the years as a minister. I was out of the place that had nearly driven
me mad, a place that I wished I could have escaped from a million times, a
place that I tried to run from… but never could. Even with all its wonderful blessings and the
great people – I couldn’t wait until I was done.
When I was done – I nearly
died. And you as a regular reader of this Blog know some of that feeling I was working
through – if you read between the lines of what was written. No doubt about that.
This feeling also happened in
1985 as I climbed aboard the huge aircraft to bring me back to Canada. Hong
Kong and Asia had been our home for five years. We had intended to live there
the rest of our lives in that part of the world… at least that was the intention
of five years earlier… but the situation that we walked into was not one of
building up – but rather one of getting ready to close up shop as far as the Canadians
were concerned. So we were told.
The sinking feeling of not
knowing what was coming next seemed to completely smother the possibilities of
the future.
I am sure that you have felt
these feelings as well.
I have stepped aside from a
task that someone else can do – and may even do better than I have done the
work. They may develop new ideas and opportunities that I couldn’t even dream of.
In some cases as I look back
at what I have quit – many times it has become better than I could ever imagine
it would.
But why do I struggle with
these changes?
I found a good posting on a Web
Site that makes me see why – or at least see a little better what I was and am
going through.
It is entitled “Tools to Move
On” – and you can read all that they published here http://www.toolstomove.com/toolkit-8.html
This stuff is good to help me
and others as they move on.
My mom needs to read this or
think about it. She has struggled with
these issues often – but has not moved on.
How do you help a 91 year old?
But some day my turn will come
and I will need to move on like she did… and with my past history of not giving
up the roles and rights that I had enjoyed – how will I give up at that
time? Maybe it won’t be any better than
it was for her… but I would like to
think that I will be better prepared.
The Web Site of “Tools to move
on” suggest four steps that we go through (or could potentially go through)
1. To accept the reality of the loss and admit that something has been lost
2. To work through the pain of grief
3. To adjust to the new environment or situation
4. To emotionally relocate, make new attachments and move on with life
(Note each of these four
points has an explanation it.)
The web
site offers some good reflection for me… quote…
Different reactions for different folk
The intensity of feelings is not always
related to the size of a loss. Some of us take longer to get over a loss and
accept a new reality than others. The death of a loved spouse or a child might
seem an enormous loss, while losses that occur when we move would seem much
less serious. Sometimes the grief reaction is in proportion to the apparent
degree of a loss, other times it seems not to be. For example, one hospital
counselor reported that a patient who had lost the tip of a finger in an
accident was much more upset than a man who had lost both legs though cancer.
Sometimes people who move from far away to a completely new culture and
language expect things to be very different and the process of change turns out
to be relatively smooth. On the other hand it is not unusual that someone who
moves to a place they thought they knew well, have a real struggle to settle
down.
There could be many reasons for this. Firstly
people react differently because they are different culturally and
temperamentally. Secondly it is helpful to be prepared for a loss and sometimes
we are not. Thirdly we may be re-experiencing the feelings from other losses
and moves which get reawakened by the present situation. Fourthly a person who
is already going through a life change such as adolescence, menopause or the
death of a family member might not have many resources left to deal with yet
another change. When we move, we may not immediately realize that loss is
involved. For example: leaving a job behind has many consequences whether or
not you liked that job:
·
loss of time structure
·
loss of colleagues who know you well
·
loss of status, position and respect
·
loss of personal income and independence
·
loss of familiar and well known surroundings
End quote… (see http://www.toolstomove.com/toolkit-8.html)
Imagine – I feel a sense of
loss from resigning from a volunteer role that I have served in for 14 years –
which at times has driven me crazy – and at other times has been a huge success!
Imagine that feels the same as
the loss of my job in 2008 !!!?!
But there it is – the Loss
List – that I know so well.
·
loss of time structure
·
loss of colleagues who know you well
·
loss of status, position and respect
·
loss of personal income and independence
·
loss of familiar and well known surroundings
BUT what about the “Possibility
List” – the “Tomorrow List” – the “What if I tried this? List”.
When I gave it some more
thought – these three Lists made much more sense.
~ Murray Lincoln ~
No comments:
Post a Comment