Sunday, April 28, 2013

The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring You Closer

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The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring You Closer

I begin my Blog post today with this simple note…

Dear Les and Leslie Parrott,
“The Good Fight” – what a fantastic book you have written! Amazing – really. 

I am hoping that every one of friends read this book, and then buy copies for their Kids and Grandkids.  I am totally blown away by your “The Good Fight”.  I have read and re-read this book and will be savoring it for a long while to come.

Murray Lincoln
 – retired pastor, counselor, husband, father, grandfather and friend

Now my friends know that I will deal with just about anything in my Blog Posts, but I have yet to deal with the Fights that my wife and I get into – sometimes.  I haven`t been brave enough to tell my friends that Alida and I have some pretty tough tiffs at times.

Why would I ever tell anyone that their pastor, that they have admired, loved and looked up to has quarrels with his wife!?!  I mean they all think I’m nearly perfect – don’t they?  They know she is!!!

Well for 35 years of ministry I have given that appearance I am sure – but it wasn’t and isn’t the truth.  Alida and I had disagreements just like everyone else does over the years.  Yep – at times real humdingers.  And at times we still have them.  What retired couple doesn’t?

But our fights have not been “Bad Fights” for the most part – we have had “Good Fights”. But I never knew the difference until I read what Les and Leslie Parrott have written.  I understand better now than ever.  What we have is good.  What we have done in our marriage of 46 years is healthy – even our fighting has been healthy.

But there were times when it was not so healthy. We did have “Bad Fights”.  But amazingly what Les and Leslie have explained in some of their “how to” sections, I realize now that the tools that we worked with were good.  This book has a good feeling to it after I listened to what they have said.

But as a Pastor and man that has married hundreds of couples over the years, I have witnessed some horrific scenes in the married life that followed that wonderful day they said “I do”.  A whole lot more marriages than I like to think have evaporated when “Bad Fights” became the norm.

As I read over this book I thought of all the couples that could have benefited from the thoughts collected here.

I have about six weddings lined up for this summer where I will be officiating at their ceremonies. After reading “The Good Fight” I will be recommending that each couple get their own copy!

It was ‘sobering’ to say the least… when my wife one time stated something flatly to a group of young ladies.  She was speaking to them about marriage and gave a personal testimony what it was like to be married to a minister (me).  Out of her mouth came the simple truth, “I have never considered divorce… we do not believe in that.  But I have considered murder…”

Oh boy!  Yikes!

The next person that will be reading this book is my wife.

BTW – it is available at – The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring You Closer

And you can learn more about Les and Leslie Parrott at “Drs. Les and Leslie” -
Some great resources on their Web Site

~ Murray Lincoln ~

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