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Blog Post for today…
Dealing with PTSD – Part Three
I know that as some have read the material that I dared to write over the past two days… there are many questions about MY PERSONAL SANITY. Too funny – really. The very ones that would drive you crazy – or rather have driven a person crazy… are the ones that go after you again and again. Some are even secretly reading this right now! Gotcha!
The soldier returning from a Battle Field experience will come home – begin to act out and possibly has some terrible home disasters take place. The RCMP Officer might get help now as his fellow troops own up to the misery that is there. The minister that has gone through the terrible experiences in his quiet work with the screams inside will perhaps find help as well.
My hope is that all of them will. I have.
You will know by now that my work was and is revolving around the Bible – the greatest Text Book, History Book, Wisdom Book in the world… and even much more than all of that. It lives for me.
When at one point in my life I struggled with the horrific reactions of “good christians” (small ‘c’ intended), I discovered a comparable story personally.
A very religious man, a God follower, kind of a Pastor… dared to mess with a lot of Powerful People. One of these very Powerful People even developed their own form of worship… and had planted a whole lot of other kinds of religious leaders that did what SHE wanted them do. Her name was Jezebel.
(BTW – have you ever noticed no one ever names their little girls “Jezebel”?)
In 1 Kings 18 you will read the whole story of the conflict and how Elijah does his God Stuff and God does His Stuff. I love the Face Off that takes place.
I have added the Links to the “Source” part of this post below – taken from new and better translation of the Bible called the Message. Don’t pull out your Bible – read the Link below.
Then in 1 Kings 19 (again Link is below) after Elijah has been declared the winner… and in Chapter 18 has witnessed some horrific, gruesome, and violent actions – supervising the execution of all of Jezebel’s ‘pastors’ – out runs a horse – through heavy rains… a long ways… then he collapses. He is in perhaps the worst recorded PTSD every shared in ancient texts.
His recovery takes time – is the first thing that I learned. His recovery is supervised by an Angel. His recovery needs lots of sleep. His recovery includes good food – in this case Fresh Bread and Cold Water. His recovery includes the sound of a babbling brook. And he recovers – slowly.
He still has an attitude problem that God works on.
Read the Links and then put yourself into the mess and misery. Then walk/run with Elijah util you collapse. Then heal alongside of him.
I did that when I rediscovered this amazing old man Elijah. And slowly I healed too.
In order to tell of the healing – you need to hear the hurt. Often however… most people don’t want to hear about the hurt – so they will never know about the healing.
Our systems in Christianity(the Church today) are constructed in such away that it is not really smart to put the heavy stuff in a Resume.
In the church of 2009 you need a Resume to be even considered as a Minister in a Church. If you won’t send one to tell of who or what you are… they will never consider you. You must be hiding something if you do not submit one???
Just prior to the period 1980 through 1985 there was no such thing as a Resume. I completed my first one in 1985 for a possible church position. I had no clue as to what to write down.
I didn’t dare tell about the abuse by the older missionaries in Hong Kong of the younger missionaries and the National Pastors. I mean these Missionaries were next to God himself. So I stated that our ministry was greatly blessed of God. Which really meant the Old Miserable Missionaries didn’t kill me or my spirit.
I didn’t dare write about the stuff I had witnessed while working in other important roles prior to that where manipulation and undermining was rampant in many levels of Church Leadership across Canada. Having worked in the “Very Holy and Head Office of All Things Pentecostal” I was “next to where God Sat”. So I bragged about what I had witnessed God do through our ministry at that level. Which really meant that despite the corruption and confusion – I had escaped the harmful affects and learned well how to use the same kind of tools – when in doubt that is God was really in some things – or not.
Some of my fellow ministers decided while leading major church ministries in different parts of the country to have affairs with women they weren’t married to, some decided to steal money – tons of it, some were involved in Crime, and some as men walked out on their families for other men.
I had seen it all and decided that I shouldn’t put in the Resume things that might hurt my future. I decided that I could say – I praise God in my life and ministry because I didn’t go the way these other dudes had. But that meant I had to tell what I had been saved from… and you would get sued for that!
This is a terrible admission to make for the whole world to read… instead of telling the real facts of what I had been through – I simple told the listeners what they wanted to hear… and that kind of Resume always did the trick.
What you did in the past, what you had witnessed, made no difference to most – because they simply wanted you to do it their way after you were hired. And if you didn’t – you could well be pulling a “Huge Elijah” and the pretty little Jezebel would get you.
Jezebel means business… quoting from 1 Kings 19
Ahab reported to Jezebel everything that Elijah had done, including the massacre of the prophets. Jezebel immediately sent a messenger to Elijah with her threat: "The gods will get you for this and I'll get even with you! By this time tomorrow you'll be as dead as any one of those prophets." End quote
And the number one rule I have broken in this post and the other two before – “Don’t ever tell about what really happened!”
On Saturday mornings I watch my Granddaughter play football – along with a host of other folk. Very few talk about their religious backgrounds. Some know that I am retired minister.
I thought about these fellow football watchers… and wondered if I could or would invite them to church some day. That is a lingering thought… I am not sure where I could take them to show them what it really should be about. I will say that in 98% (allowing 2% for a possible change) there is little chance they will find the reality of God. I don’t doubt they could find God and will find God… he just may not be in church that day they attend.
I still attend to help me find a place to worship God – with people I love and care about… the two factors that are important to me. Yet when I am there the distraction is great.
I am on the other side of my PTSD – likely the PPTSD – that is the POST Post Traumatic Stress Disorder… having found some semblance of Order… and the very real God! Wow! What a trip it has been.
Again – if there is just one Pastor that reads this and realizes that they are not the only one… that has lived through Hell and Back – while trying to do Heaven’s work… It will be worth it all!
~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/
Source:
Bible Gateway
The Message – Elijah’s Conflict with Jezebel – 1 Kings 18
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=I%20Kings%2018:1-39&version=MSG
The Message – Elijah’s reaction – God’s intervention – 1 Kings 19
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Kings+19&version=MSG
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2 comments:
When I was on staff at a large church, I had a run in with a senior pastor over his son who was the youth pastor at the time. I was told to resign and state that God wanted me somewhere else. I couldn't say that because I thought I was where God wanted me. Instead I was fired for no cause and left out to dry by the board and the district.
The safest thing would have been to lie and resign.
Being "fired" has a fairly unpleasant stigma attached to it in church circles. The church board was not very helpful stating that they couldn't disclose why I had been fired as they didn't want to cause me any damage. Now that everyone that was on the board at that time have left the church, I have never had a word of apology from any one of them. I guess in their mind they were protecting the church.
As far as the district goes I cringe when I hear the superintendent talk about about being a pastor to pastors.
Even when I say this it just sounds like sour grapes and so the beat goes on and on and on.
Now when I hear people say God has "led" them to go somewhere else, I equate that language to the culturally acceptable way that Christians lie.
Honesty in Christian circles is a very rare commodity. I often wonder what God thinks about that.
In all of this I wonder if the system of church that we have created is what Jesus really intended.
It was definitely after Jesus died and even a little latter after Paul the Apostle died.. that the church started experiencing the PYB Virus. It primarily affected and infected the Clergy that followed... then good solid Christians that fell into leadership caught it next. The original PYB Virus has morphed a number of times but basically it has the same root.
PYB Virus - far more serious than the Ebola virus... it is the "Protect Your Butt" and is closely related to the "Protect Your Butt At Any Cost" - PYBAAC
The cost might be someone's life and ministry, their marriage, their children... but PYB is all important - and when it is your family that you are protecting that is where the PYBAAC ramps up.
GAG ME!!!!
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