The Case for Integrity

The Case for Integrity has certainly risen to the surface for many people over these past weeks. In my posting about the story of David Dewees and his suicide after the accusations, I have received a number of emails and postings for the feedback.

In a Teen Class this past weekend that I sit with on Sunday AM we discussed what had happened. One teen mentioned that she was aware of this kind of accusation taking place in the school she had attended in Northbay, Ontario. The teacher was totally innocent and the student(s) acted out in their hatred. The accusations were entirely false. In the following investigation the teacher’s reputation was completely cleared. But by that time the teacher had left his work to never be able to teach again.

A minister friend of mine that was a rising star in the world of communicating with teenagers was destroyed personally with accusations from a very needy teenager. One afternoon on a trip to the surrounding town from a summer camp the minister was forced to ride in the back seat. His other friends chose the front seat. Just as the car was ready to leave, the needy teenager asked if she could go along to buy something in town. The three men agreed. She hopped into the back seat and did her seat belt up… and off they went.

The ride was uneventful. The three married ministers discussed church work, youth work and joked with each other. They returned back to the camp before the evening meal.

It was weeks later after the camp was complete and everyone was home when the next action took place. The needy teen found a listening ear in a ‘quasi counselor’. In this counseling session she described how the car trip to the town had gone down in her mind. While in the back seat the “minister friend of mine that was a rising star in the world of communicating with teenagers” had fondled her breast.

That small statement and the need for attention by a very needy teenager exploded into years of suspicion and horror for a young family of the minister. It cost him nearly $275,000 in lawyer fees and at the end it was decided that perhaps there was not enough evidence to make anything a fact. The cloud was there for years. His parents were destroyed and even today when he sees me he simply shakes his head.

I am not for one minute saying that fondling doesn’t happen by some bad leaders. In fact I know many that have done worse than that and that received their just recompense for their actions.

What concerns me greatly is in the rush to be absolutely pure and clean – ridding ourselves of the evil of anything to do with children’s abuse we have tripped too far one way.

In our churches we have “Children at Risk” programs to protect our kids from the perceived great risk of a potential pedophile in our midst.

Known pedophiles don’t join into Sunday Schools to get close to kids. They hide.

It is the brother or father or uncle of the present kids that are the bad dudes. But they haven’t been caught yet. Rest assured they will be – maybe.

In the last church that I pastored here in Peterborough a call came one day from a distressed lady. She apparently was aware that our church was picking up kids for the Sunday School. Volunteers were being more active and getting more kids to come.

In her call she asked clearly if a certain man was now involved with the picking up kids for Sunday School. I assured her that he wasn’t and was in fact attending another church. During my term as the pastor he had not been part of the church.

Her statement was a shocker for me. “Good, I am glad. He used to be my ‘Bus Captain’ getting me from my house to church each week. Every time I walked up the Bus steps he fondled my private parts. I am glad that he is no longer there!”

There was no accusation, no threat of charges to be laid – just a simple account of a frightened little girl that was now in her late 20s.

The “good ole boy” had got away with it… and no body knew!

He wasn’t the only one. The church had a few “good ole boys” over the years… but it wasn’t by far the only church. By the time I arrived on the scene the “good ole boys” were attending other churches.

I know that it is a shock to have a minister tell the story this way. Sorry about that. But someone needs to clear that air – make it so integrity comes back.

False accusations will never help that – neither will covering up the terrible things that are hidden.

Christian Camps like the one that David Dewees worked with have to protect their tails for sure. For that reason they erred on the side of caution. But by doing so in the manner that they did the potential harm is greater than can be imagined.

First off.. a young and vibrant man was branded as potentially guilty… and then the Star Newspaper branded him completely guilty.. Secondly – who in their right mind will ever go to that Camp and volunteer again?

I know that I would not work in that atmosphere – nor could anyone. The orientation classes before the next camp will be something else. Lawyers will be writing the books on this next year.

Christian Camps are not the only places this will happen. Churches that have any ministers working in them will now be different – completely. Gone is the day of Pastoral Counseling alone with anyone. Forget about riding in a car with anyone alone… and don’t even think that you could “help” someone. If you do or don’t have the $275,000 to spend on false accusations over the next five years of your life… FORGET IT!

My question is simple. Where is the Balance in all of this? Where is the protection for the Teenager and Child – as well as the Leader/Teacher/Pastor/even friend?

What does God think about Integrity?
~ Murray Lincoln ~
www.murraylincoln.com