The Recovery Blues

The crash is over… almost any way...right now at least. No not the stock market but personally for me. I hit the wall… and now recovery is possible. Or maybe it is that I hit the wall in my recovery. At least that is what it looks like now.

For two days I have struggled with making myself get up and get going. A rotten cold can do that to you… but there is likely more… as I think it through.

Then as I have been thinking on this one… I have realized it is like a Recovery that some of my friends are under going at this time with substance abuse and life abuse.

Deep emotions are flooding my being… adding to that the stress of life changes that are so deep that I can’t yet talk about… and then mix in the need to keep working at building a business… with one final pinch of a Body Stopping cold infection… and “Kerpow” I fall a part.

“Murray, Old Boy, that can’t happen to you!? You are a Christian and a Minister at the same time… you are always on top of it all! Aren’t you?” That is my “me speak” to the mirror in the morning – that no body hears.

In some of my reading over the last few days I stumbled on to a Web Site that is explaining a book that was written by two authors by the names of Carter Elliott and Robert Homer, M.D. The Web Site points out that Donal Buchanan has cartoons in the book… one of which you see above.

The chapters of the book listed on the site – are speaking to me deeply. Every description has outlined my life…yet I do not drink alcohol or do drugs. Yet it describes me. Hokey Mokey – this is too close to home.

Along time ago an older minister had told a group of us younger ministers at that time… “The Ministry and your Work can be like a very dangerous drug – or like alcohol itself… be careful it can kill you.” In many words following that statement he explained how we needed to take care of ourselves. I forgot most of what he said until recently. Maybe I forgot because I didn’t want to hear or believe it.

Today I think that I am beginning to understand better. I have been and perhaps am still addicted to ministry… the role of being a pastor and all that it entails. That likely isn’t the way that I should put it… but these words in their honesty seem to make it most clear to me now.

Now other men that are not ministers will still identify with what I have said. They are or have been addicted to their task whether that was in a factory, and office or any place of business… even including farming.

Tear the person (you or me) from the place of responsibility and see what happens. If the addiction is not there… nothing at all will happen. It will be like moving from one day on a vacation to the next. But that never happens.

Ask any honest person when they retire if they didn’t suffer a great shift… and earth shaking response… and turmoil inside… If they say they haven’t they are simply lying.

I am an addict. I am in recovery. I can do without the things that have taken this toll on my life. I am earning my recovery one day at a time.

The words listed on the Web Site describing the Chapters of “The Recovery Blues” are as follows…

1. "I might as well be drunk": Making it through the very early days of recovery can be the toughest. This chapter focuses on how to deal with negative thoughts in order to prevent relapse early on.
2. The Recovery Blues: Often in early recovery depression and mood swings first hit. While they may have been there before, this may be the first time that they are recognized, rather than self-medicated. Early recognition is an essential key to appreciating the need for help and identifying triggers that must be dealt with.
3. The Bright Side: Feeling good is also common in early recovery. Feeling good can also lead to relapse as the pains of addiction tend to be forgotten during this time. Feeling too good may also be a sign of an emerging manic episode that can lead to disaster. This chapter shows how the bright side is an opportunity to firm up one's recovery program and prepare for some potential rough times ahead.
4. The matter of lists: After years of addiction, healthy lifestyles and habits developed by "normal" people have often been neglected. This chapter focuses on correcting maladaptive patterns often seen in addiction.
5. Twilight: The goal is to stay on the "Bright Side." Some set backs are rather predictable however. This chapter deals with skills to develop which minimize such set backs.
6. Entering the Somber Side: Despite doing all the right things, depression is often a part of normal life, for example in grieving the loss of a loved one. This chapter focuses on the recognition of feelings that once were an excuse to self medicate.
7. Somber side tool box: Acceptance. Dealing with grief, fatigue, fear, frustration, and anger.
8. More tools, tricks, and traps: Avoiding catastrophic thinking and projection, but thinking ahead in an appropriate manner.
9. And so to bed: Insomnia is common in early recovery, and often a cause of relapse. This chapter presents behavior methods for obtaining a good night's sleep, that are proven just as effective as "sleeping pills".
10. Guilt: Shame and guilt are common emotions in early recovery, but must be differentiated from the type of guilt associated with a major depressive disorder. This chapter focuses on dealing with these feelings without denial or rationalization. How to forgive others along with forgiveness of oneself is explored.
11. House cleaning: Character development like house cleaning takes work, but the results are gratifying. This chapter helps move things along.
12. With the program but in the dumps: As recovery progresses, the group process in 12-step programs or otherwise present unique challenges looked at in this chapter.
13. I think I'm losing my mind: Once clean and sober, people in recovery become more aware of everyday mistakes. While memory problems can be associated with the effects of drugs and alcohol, the recovering person may discover some memory and cognitive deficits simply associated with normal aging, and not noticed during their active addiction. This chapter helps the person in recovery identify what's normal, and how to deal with it in a normal way.
14. The caring factor: Caring and doing for others is shown to be an integral part of recovery. The need to be needed is also looked at.
15. Act as if: While the first step to financial and social success is being clean and sober, this chapter is about practical concerns, often neglected by those in active addiction.
16. Time. My friend: While the alcoholic or addict may fantasize about happiness, serenity, and success, in reality it takes time, even once clean and sober. This chapter deals with realistic expectations.
17. Is there a doctor in the house?: Now clean and sober, this chapter elaborates on professional help. Understanding the differences between personality characteristics and mood disorders which require medical attention is elaborated on. The use of medications like Antabuse and methadone in recovery is discussed. This chapter also discusses how addictive medications which are prescribed for legitimate reasons can be taken most safely.
18. That God gimmick and Spiritual spam: Spirituality as it relates to addiction and recovery is explored. The 12-steps as a spiritual program is discussed.
19. Failure: With success comes new opportunities for failure. Failure as part of life and how it is dealt with by the most successful people is looked at.
20. The slip: Slips are generally complex and often represent some weakness in a recovery program. This chapter deals with how to get oneself back on track and protecting oneself from further damage.
21. Making it, in spite of everything: Recovery can be seen as a journey. The book concludes with the most rewarding and spiritual aspects of recovery, this includes the sharing one's "experience, strength, and hope".

Finally from me...

Oh boy – do I have some work to do. I will be sharing this with some minister friends of mine today.

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

Sources to consider…
The Recovery Blues
http://www.recoveryblues.com/the_book.htm
Recovery Blues: Prescriptions for the Clean, Sober, and Depressed
http://www.trafford.com/4dcgi/view-item?item=8280&195181908-17508aaa