Dating Violence

I am shocked as I view the video clip produced by the group and posted to the internet (see below). It is a couple acting out what the detective reads from his notes. Very well done… very well!

The stats read – 1 in 3 teens are abused in dating relationships! That is 30% or horrible things that happen to one or even both parties in present dating relationships.

If there is anything that frightens me more I am not sure what it might be. When I think of my grandkids about to enter their relationships of tomorrow – and possible abuse and anger situations it more than causes me distress.

The screwed up world is waiting for my wonderful kids. And I am not about to let that happen – but what can I do about it?

In church we hope to be free of this kind of thing happening. Right? Everyone in church should be wonderful. Right.

Nope – it aint true. They do it too. In fact the church is just as much a part of the horror as the community is. In fact they are community – some have come looking for help.

In church we hopefully find relief and Biblical Examples of how to live. But when we find it – do we do anything with it?

Over these 35 years of ministry I have witnessed the kind of abuse shown in the video… not really seeing it happen but seeing it after it has happened. Then I watch as a very weak partner allows a dominating partner back into the situation again.

Notice I haven’t stated that I watched a female allow the male back into the situation… because sometimes it is the other way around.

In this last year I have witnessed brutality among young married couples at a far higher rate than I would like to see. Threats uttered, actions taken and shaken spouses left… have all happened in the last 12 months.

Add to that… violence among the females of different couples as they lash out at each other. Terrible things said and done to each other – centered in their supposedly growing friendships. One cat fight involved one young mom tearing the heart out of the other one verbally… then turning to attack the spouse of her target – by trying to destroy his reputation.

Be happy that you did not marry that kind of person. But someone did and the “hen pecked” look that he has, or the too busy at work reactions to most invitations… is a tell tale bit of information.

This couple suffers from “inside marriage abuse” where few people will ever know what is going on because of shame.

These are young couples. But it is not relegated to young ones – old couples have been suffering this nightmare as well – only a lot longer.

In a recent connection with “couple friends” of ours – the abuse is just below the surface. Her knife like words that tear the heart out of any person are acidic. He is constantly ducking and looking for some “coffee buddy” that will go out with him somewhere to find relief.

There can be dating violence far past the first dates… some continuing for well over 45 years of marriage.

I speak out against violence – of any kind!

The problem is that these younger couples with the internal potential to explode – are producing children that are now dating or soon will. The violence and angry words that are heard and sensed at home becomes an extended example for them to live by and act out as they enter dating.

Most violence is learned from what I have witnessed. Then an added societal conditioning acts like a catalyst to cause the explosion.

The young couple is working hard and trying to out buy the other young couples around them. The pressure to get it all immediately is just too much to handle… then add the present economic down turn – depression – and you have a potential for violence at all ages and in all couples.

When they have done dumb things to each other – inside a dating relationship… inside of a marriage… inside or grandparent’s relationships… they stop associating with the places that they have frequented faithfully.

Church is the worst and best place to see that happen. Take a look around. Do some mental calculations and ask some questions. If you were to get the whole truth – you might just be shocked how prevalent it really is.

Paul the Apostle gave some strong words that encouraged us to love one another. He is the one that wrote the Love Chapter – 1 Corinthians 13. I have read it often at weddings for the couple… to then be in shock as the police are called and charges are laid because of violence.

We know what it says but have no clue as to how we should act it out.

I write today to shock some into a new way of thinking… violence is wrong. I write today that some that need help might get help… although it is really doubtful that they will even read what I write… “What does he know about anything?!?”

For God’s sake… for the sake of your relationship… for the sake of your kids… for the sake of their relationships… STOP THE VIOLENCE and GET HELP – NOW! (How can I shout out that message today!!!!!?)

Please read these 11 Facts – then look at your grandkids – beautiful and innocent… then think what you need to do about it…. maybe it needs to start at home… with you…

11 Facts about Dating Abuse
1. Only 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship ever told anyone about it.
2. Teen victims of dating violence are more likely to abuse drugs, have eating disorders, and attempt suicide.
3. A recent survey of schools found there were an estimated 4,000 incidents of rape or other types of sexual assault in public schools across the country. And this was in just one academic year!
4. In a study of gay, lesbian and bisexual adolescents, youths involved in same-sex dating are just as likely to experience dating violence as youths involved in opposite sex dating.
5. One third of high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.
6. Dating violence is the leading cause of injury to young women.
7. Nearly one quarter of girls who have been in a relationship reported going further sexually than they wanted as a result of pressure.
8. About 40% of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.
9. Approximately 68% of young women rape victims knew their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend or casual acquaintance.
10. Six out of ten rapes of young women occur in their own home or a friend or relative's home, not in a dark alley.
11. Females who are 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk for intimate partner violence.

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

Source:
11 Facts
http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-youth-dating-violence
The Violence Video
http://www.dosomething.org/whatsyourthing/Violence+and+Bullying/Dating+Abuse