"New Friends" and the Power of Together

The room was a buzz with the voices of happy people. The dynamic that was taking place was simply amazing. ‘People with people’, ‘people meeting people’, and ‘people talking with each other’ were the flavors of the day.

This is the “New Friends” group meeting for the very first time. For over a month now the folks that we have shared the idea with have pressed me to find out what the “program” will be like. I couldn’t answer until we first met – now we can shout it out – “It is plain and simple fun to be together. The program is not the central part – it is all about the people that attend and their time together.”

The only place you will hear this kind of buzz may be at a high school dance. The difference would be that you might have music in the background at the high school.
It has been 65 to 75 years since these folks were in high school. This is a dynamic group of very alive seniors. The group is designed to invite and accept people from the community “outside” and the community “inside”. It is designed to encourage lonely people to meet.

On Feb 5th together we met these goals. People came together. What an amazing time together.

It has taken me 39 years to recognize what is happening around me and for me.

First - for almost 4 decades I have witnessed this amazing phenomena but was powerless to do much about it. The phenomena is people love to simply be with each other. Young or old this is always true.

Second – we conduct programs to bring people together.

Third – programs feature people talking to people, or program rules that must be kept to make the program go forward. Program becomes and is all powerful.

Fourth – most people come to a program so that they can talk to each other. More talking happens before the program and after the program – and that is what people look forward to. People meet at programs so they can gain a friend they can talk to after the program.
Check it out…Church….Some people love going to church. If they are honest about it the part that they love is meeting people in the foyer, close to their pew and when leaving their pew then heading back to the foyer. And – get this – they tolerate the interruption of the minister and the people at the front for the one hour or so doing the program – where program is all powerful – so they can capture that few minutes with one person (or more) that might talk with them.

Most experiences at church offer about 10 minutes of interaction with others. If you know someone you will get more interaction. If you don’t you will get less. New people get about 4 minutes flat out – with six people shaking their hands and some of these asking about them. Now if the church is not a “hand shaking” kind – or there is a fright about the Flu Season and Germs – kill the 4 minutes – make that 2.

Now consider the fact that an average person spends over 2 hours(maybe even 3 hours) of their time getting ready for church, traveling to the church, standing-sitting-listening in church, and the small part of talking to someone in church.

Experienced and known people in church get on average 8 percent of their time talking with each other. Brand New people get less than 4 percent of their time talking with some one.

Now I am not knocking church – we come to talk to God… or have him talk to us – right? Why is it then that someone like me did most of the talking using up at least 75 percent of the time that a person has Sunday AM? The answer is simple – program is important and powerful.
Seniors groups…
I spoke to one senior about attending the card games offered at the one senior’s center. This person told me “I will play cards if some one will talk to me… but most people like playing cards that there is “bidding” involved – and they won’t talk except to bid. It is no fun.”

Another person told me of their senior group experience that it is most unsatisfying and they will not return unless “so and so” gets out of the way. “She is so bossy and she won’t let anyone talk – all she wants to do is her business and hear herself talk. I don’t want to go back.”

For “so and so” program is all she has ever known and her program is run like a tight ship.

Over the past years I have attended a lot of seniors groups. My function has been to be “the speaker”. While waiting to speak they have often been conducting some business or their regular business… and again program is all important. Then I stand up to chirp away… and everyone listens.

High Schoolers are the interesting ones to watch. They spend most of their days listening to someone in their program talk to them. If you talk to the kids you find out that the best part about school is the people they meet. And in school the very best part of everything is the group(s) you belong to. And guess what? Friends and talking to friends is simply the Number One thing to do. Cell phones, Text Messaging, Facebooking, and the dozens of other things that they are able to do now – connect them with friends all the time.

65 to 75 years later teenagers are still the same. They have bodies that are 80 to 90 years old – but they are lively teenagers inside. But on the outside/inside they are so darn lonely they won’t talk about it to anyone… and they can’t because their best friend from school is gone and dead. Their world has shrunk to on average 4 percent contact with anybody… even family is too busy to talk to them.
Nope I don’t have all the answers yet. I definitely don’t have “program” that I can share. If anything at this stage I could say… invite people then get out of the way.

And if you know someone that might enjoy a great afternoon together with “New Friends.  And as they say “talk is cheap” – in this case that is so true - there is NO COST at all! You are welcome.

~ Murray Lincoln ~