Good News - Bad News

I don’t know why the strange feelings have rolled around inside of me all night! Wow what a dream land I traveled to last night. But after thinking about it for the last hour – I know why.

For more than 40 years I have waited for this fast approaching moment… the actual moment of retirement… the moment that your pension arrives! Easy street… the soft life… the joy of sitting back and now collecting oodles of money… as if it falls from trees and covers my driveway like liquid gold.

One the steps took place yesterday. A letter from the company Pension Plan with its official notification arrived. Two pages of info and a letter said it all.

It is good news in a way – there will be a little coming in. The good news also is that if everything holds the way that it is right now… I should make it to April 13th 2009 – “Magic Moment Day” when I hit the monumental 65th year mark.

Now the part that the two sheets of Pension Plan reminded over and over again… “after your death” and “you were receiving when you died”… was stated at least 3 times each before the middle of the sheet fold.

“If you die within 60 months of your pension commencement date, your spouse will be paid the same amount you were receiving at the time or your death of the balance of the 60 months….”

Hokey Mokey – that sounds too serious and a way to close for me at this moment. That starting count down is only 62 days away… I feel like I am sitting on the nose of a Rocket that is headed for Mars… tick… tick… tick… tick

So with this bit of information… should I die within the 60 months of April 13th, 2009 – Alida will get more for the following 60 months from my death.

The word “Incentive” comes to mind immediately. Dead within 60 months – means more money. Death after that 60 month period means that my wife will get only 66.67% of what I am going to receive.

Now here is the forming plan – I need to hang in there for 59 months and 364 days and 23 hours and 59 minutes to MAX OUT. But then I need to check out of “this Hotel” and take up an elongated box. With the new knowledge that I will be being paid something to prepare for my death… for that is what a pension seems to be… is a little unnerving… and it makes you roll around a little at night.

And seeing that the official crowd in a Pension Office somewhere are calculating and have calculated my demise… is really unnerving.

I have come to the realization that I am not looking forward to the next 20162 days with great joy… but rather watch out for what might happen next.

No wonder you can’t get seniors to come out on an Icy Winter Day. No wonder they are at the Doctor’s Office at the slightest whisp of ailment.

But as some of you know me better than that and you know my personality – it likely isn’t going to have much affect on me. It will rather be 20162 days of PARTEEEEEE on DUDE. I think my Mid Life Crisis that I missed because I was too darn busy working – will be my next event.

If Alida will agree to let me do it… I am going to buy one really hot convertible sports car… never wear a neck tie again… unbutton my shirt buttons to about the third one… no chest hair to speak of so I will glue some Bear Fir to my chest on days that I am driving the sports car through the streets of Peterborough… and Scream “ Go Baby GO! WAHOOOOO!”

After that ride I will get on my Harley Davidson and roar down the street. I want that one that is $57,000 – silver and black.

After that I will climb aboard the airplane and we are going to Bali.

Well… maybe not right away. Well it was a great dream… for a few hours.

I was in a Senior’s Home this past weekend to speak to a group. After my talk a lady about my age smiled and asked me a unusual question… “So have you got your SUV?”

“SUV”… huh?... I drive an old 1996 Nissan Quest Van with rusty holes through the sides. “SUV”?

I said, “Nope… I gotta Van”

“No, No” she replied, “Your SUV… Socks, Underwear and Viagra?”

To say that I nearly fell over before I began to laugh is an understatement. This lady’s sense of humor was very good… her timing just right and she got me there. I mean how many times does a congregant ask the minister that kind of thing!!!?

But does that small question ever help relieve the 20162 days of waiting.

Today the PARTEEEE begins. Anybody want to Boogie?

~ Murray Lincoln ~