Sunday, December 29, 2013

Food Court-ology – the basic study of creatures that come to the City’s Watering Hole at the Mall – Part One

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Food Court-ology – the basic study of creatures that come to the City’s Watering Hole at the Mall – Part One
Every day or so we make our way to the Local Mall, Lansdowne Place, to shop, and then eventually have a cup of coffee.  My wife does the shopping and I continue my personal study which I have labeled, “Food Court-ology”. 
What is “Food Court-ology” you may ask?
Well the Food Court at any Mall is a gathering place for all kinds of local species.  It is a lot like the huge watering holes you will see in Africa where all kinds of different “animals” gather for a long drink after a hot day of walking.  Some are there to drink and some are there to capture their prey for that night.  The Watering Hole is the attraction and all kinds come. The Food Court is the very same – all kinds come.  And they all come for different reasons.
In my “Food Court-ology” course of study I have identified a number of kinds of characters.  They are all of the same species but very different in their attitudes and displays of their personhood.
Let me explain and show what I have seen.
There are the Teenies, young teen girlies that are just discovering that they are the complete center of the universe… and being that they are all together and each in their own way at the center of the universe where everything revolves around them… there is a great struggle in that each one is trying to hold that CENTRAL POINT… but only one can stay at that place.
The conflict comes as they try to unseat the other.
Now along with the Teenie Girlies come the Odd Ball Teenie Guys.  These creatures are just discovering that they are different than their siblings back home. They have hair growing in odd places and nearly all have not learned how to dress for public presentation.  They are generally “gooberish” in that they wear clothes that don’t fit and do not match anything.  Their hats are positioned at an array of possible spots on their heads.  The hat can be pulled down tight with the ears almost covered… or the ears can be out somewhat but below the mass of hair that sticks out at weird places. Should someone grab his hat off his head the mortification factor nearly causes the young dude to die on the spot. (It is usually one of the Teenie Girlie creatures that steals the hat as she is looking to be the center of the universe.)
The Teenie Guys are to be stepped on, used as foot rests, and generally looked upon with simmering disgust by the Girlies… until she takes his cap and a struggle ensues.
Next comes the “Senior Highers” or “Abouttograduate Teeners”. These gals are so far advanced in their world progress that they want nothing to do with trying to be the center of the universe – they simply are.  They flip their hair a certain way, gently keep pulling down one of their three layered tops over their skin tight leg coverings – which can he tights, blue jeans or whatever will show your growing butt off best.  While sitting with their close friends of that moment, their eyes constantly flash glances out to a moving world around them. Should a guy that they knew in Grade Nine happen by… and he has evolved into a hunk with his hunk friends hanging with him… fluttering of recognition will take place… a smile and then a small wave. Then the gush and double gush as he comes to the table with his wary friends.
Have in mind a Female Lion just having stopped a fantastic Bush Buck… and the Bush Buck’s friends are looking on very carefully… “Like dude… she is not the only thing here at the Watering Hole! Danger! Danger!”
Then there are the “Seniors of the Mall” – retirees from the community. The ones that are too old to go south because of high insurance costs.  These “Seniors of the Mall” have their own ruts at the watering hole… and don’t you forget it.  If perchance you get there a little earlier than their group you will cause some regal stare downs if you are sitting in their place or at their table.  One time not long ago the Mall Food Court was full. One of the “Seniors of the Mall” had situated himself at their favorite table for his 3 PM meeting with his group… but it was 1:30 PM – a little early.
To have some fun I sat down at one of the six empty chairs which immediately ruffled his feathers and he told me that these seats were saved.  I informed him that his group wouldn’t be here till later… and I would be done my coffee by that time.  He wouldn’t look at me.
Lord oh Lord – you would think that we were back in high school and the favorite cafeteria table again!!!
Food Court-ology is a real course in Human Interaction at a favorite watering hole…
More to come soon… where you can meet or see the Freaks and Geeks, Weird-o-s and simply Sad People…next posting.
~ Murray Lincoln ~
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