Two Old Guys on a Roof

I am a Man. As I am a Man – I can do many things. I do Man Things…things that women can’t do. I am 65 years old(almost) and because I am a Man that is 65 years old – I can do almost anything. I am a Man that has learned many, many things. I can fix it – because I AM A MAN.

Now set me aside into another group, not just a man, not just a 65 year old man – but a Man that has had the opportunity to study highly intricate and delicately balanced, sophisticated electronic stuff – that most men do not have a clue about. I am a Man that could work for the CISIS Canada… or the CIA… or the FIB… or SIS in Britain… and maybe even the M15 of the UK.

I am a Man – and nothing is impossible for men like me. I can do it!!!!

Now – lest you think that I am bragging or tooting my own horn… let’s test it out.

Can you fix a computer? Can you take it completely apart, clean it out and make it work again? I can. Okay… so you can open a Desk Top Machine? But can you do a Lap Top? How about a Blackberry… Nokia… Motorola…? I can. It may take a little time to get it back together… but I CAN DO IT. I AM A MAN… and I DO MAN STUFF! Because I CAN AS A MAN!

Well… here is how “Two Old Guys on a Roof” came about.
Along with my many amazing abilities in the electronic world I have learned that I can discover where any satellite is flying above our earth. It may be 100 to 5000 miles out there – but if it is pointing my way in any way shape or form – I can find it… I can’t see it – but I can find it.

Take a look at the number of Sat Dishes all over the community – those were put up by MEN like me. Those are MAN JOBS – well done!

With some simple Man Logic – and special MAN Abilities – Sats – or “Birds” as the Men talk about them are just waiting for a Man to pick up their signals.

My good friend Doug is A MAN… but not quite with the same Man Abilities that I have.

Doug is A MAN. And in his Man Car he has a GPS that helps him get any where he needs to go… like for groceries… or to church… or how to get home again. It is his Man Thing to be able to use that GPS thingie. And he uses it very well.

I saw how important it was the other night when we traveled in my vehicle to a restaurant which was located in Waterloo. We were in Kitchener. We got to the restaurant, ate and then after dark we started home. We got terribly lost for more than a half hour because he didn’t have his Man Thing to show him the directions on the GPS screen in my vehicle – and I had no clue where to go. Neither of us stopped to ask where we were or where we should go to get way over there… A MAN THING…

While we were in Kitchener we had stopped by to help Doug get his SAT tuned up again.

(The back ground to this is – over a year ago I had helped install the SAT Dish on Doug’s roof. While doing this task – I had falling off the roof when Doug’s borrowed ladder slipped away from the roof – with me on it. That was a MAN Moment not to forget… something like I felt when I used to do the Man Thing and riding bucking bulls for fun… I was hurt but I accomplished the MAN thing and go the job done!!!)

Now since that Sat Dish installation... Doug did a Man Thing and rebuilt the chimney. The Sat Dish had been secured to the chimney and had to be taken off so new bricks could be cemented in place. Doug did the Man thing carrying two bricks at a time up the ladder – making hundreds of trips. Wow! Then Doug did the Man thing by fastening the Sat Dish to the new chimney.

One “Man Problem” that he experienced was that a small one inch movement on a Sat Dish on Earth…moves it about 1000 miles out in Space where the “Bird” is flying. There was no signal to the TV.

So on April 2, 2009 at about 4 PM – Doug and I mounted the roof again using his Brand New Man Ladder that he purchased so no one would be hurt again by falling a Man Fall off the roof.

I carried up the highly sensitive Man Equipment which consists of a Colour TV from my Man Cave back in Peterborough, my Sat Receiver, a bunch of cables and my tools to adjust the Sat Dish.

My Man Glee was almost over the edge as was Doug’s. I would tackle the task and in moments that illusive Bird would be pumping a signal of over 95% into the home below us.

Hook up – connect – snap on – click here and tune there… and the stupid thing wouldn’t work!!! I could get a signal that ranged from 5% to 100% and then never hold.

Two hours and seventeen minutes later, with the sun going down, no more time to get the task done… the Man Glee was gone… I was ready to cry Big Man Tears… and Scream a MAN SCREAM at this really stupid task at hand.

I looked down at my feet as I was standing near the chimney… prayed a small prayer… and took a deep breath – AND THERE IT WAS… the Ding Dong Answer!

I had the cable plugged into… the wrong… place… two hours and seventeen minutes ago… that is 137 minutes of stupid… trying – grunting… trying… hoping…. GRRRRRrrrr arggggghh! I felt KING KONG after they took away the pretty girl from him in the movie.

I slowly reached down and unplugged the cable from one connection… moved it about one inch over… and in 30 seconds I had 98% signal strength.

I looked up slowly at my Man Friend sitting on the roof. Doug said slowly… “What happened?” I could be dishonest and say that I had finally found the answer… caught just the right angle… but I told the truth about what I had done and then I screamed REALLY LOUD – over and over again. GRRRRRrrrr arggggghh! In my best King Kong voice!

The job was done… it was over. Doug was happy and we could move on.

What have I learned?
Maybe, Cisis, CIA, FBI, SIS, or even M15 won’t hire me – unless they want some to kill time and distract some really bad guys… as they come to over to the ladder to ask, “Is there anything we can do to help?”

Two old guys on a roof must be kind of funny in God’s eyes. In fact if I would have listened… one of the guardian angels that he had sent were sitting over at the edge of the roof snickering… and they cupping their hands over their mouths suppressing their laughter that threatened to break out all over.

GRRRRRrrrr arggggghh! I am a MAN… and I do MAN THINGS… dumb maybe – BUT I AM A MAN!!!! GRRRRRrrrr arggggghh!

~ Murray Lincoln ~
www.murraylincoln.com

Sources:
Sorry there is none today… I couldn’t find a really dumb look on some one’s face… and I DIDN’T PHOTO this MAN TASK!!!! GRRRRRrrrr arggggghh!