“Ewuuu! Gross! I touched the hair in your nose! Why do people have so much hair in their nose?!!!?”Emma had just tried to playfully pull my nose and doing so had grabbed too close to the hairy end… and “Ewuuu!”
It is a Zoomer thing I am sure. As a Zoomer I now have hair growing where hair never grew before… specially in my nostrils… and on top of my nose… and on my forehead… Good gracious – at times I think I am a Monkey… maybe Darwin was correct… we are related. And it comes OVERNIGHT!
My wife is the ultimate shopper. She sees things in a store that no one else can see. She finds bargains that no one knows about. Well last week she hit the jackpot for me as a Nostril Hair Growing, Ape Related, Zoomer… an ELECTRONIC TWEEZER WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS!
Electronic? Yep – it has a light on the end that shines right up my nose to let me get a hold on the long and shiny white hair protruding out since last night… WOW!And to top it all off – it has a small swivel magnifying glass that flips into place to help my old eyes! The dude that invented this was brilliant.
And the best yet… Alida paid a whole dollar for it… while shopping at the ultimate Zoomer Store – the “Dollarama”.
Now I should explain what a Zoomer is… for the none Canadian Culture people. Moses Znaimer(Canadian Media Mogul) coined the word when describing the Boomer Generation born in the later 1940s and now coming into their Senior Years. He said that “a Zoomer is a man that is 64 years old that thinks like a 44 year old, has the libido(sex drive) of a 24 year old and the heart of a 14 year old…” at least he thinks he does. His wife may not agree or hold to those parameters – but he thinks it.
Now adding to the need to solve Erectile Dysfunction – as so many TV adds are suggesting help – I now a have a super hair removal apparatus. WOW – I can now go out more often as the commercials suggest.
There is something about this aging process that is plain fun. I can’t wait to get up now for each day’s new discovery. It is an adventure getting old. And getting old in 2009 – is super. None of the stuff that my dad or his dad struggled with are ever going to be a problem for me. I can now see up my nose and not pull the adjoining hairs – that nearly kill me with the old tweezers!!!!
Now you may think this is silly to take my time to write this and your time to read it. But you see – I JUST KNOW that you have a hairy nostril as well… your fading vision and growing eye problem don’t let you see it. And you don’t have a granddaughter like I have that just happened along – and touched it…. and then became brutally honest with the grossness of it all.
Come to think of it… this posting may be a Public Service Assistance proclamation for the Gross Guys and Gals that have yet to trim that hair from their nostrils… and the fur ball growing in their ears.
Come on old guy… trim it. You grow it… so now harvest it.
If you need a hint as to how gross it is… try listening to some old Zoomer that has just tried to blow his nose on a cold day…not quite getting the last snort wiped from the protruding hanging hairs. Gag me… the stuff actually does the pendulum thingie…. Wobble Wobble…
So here is a “toast” to the inventor of the Electronic Tweezers that will now allow the world to look upon cleanly plucked noses of all older mature men – where ever they might be sticking their nose.
~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/
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