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Today’s Blog Post
Working Undercover at the Mall – Dec 26 – the Hottest Day for Cell Phone Users and Texters
Normally Old People like us will wonder over to the Mall on bad weather days to walk inside and then following the walk – we sit in the food court and sip Tim Hortons Coffee as we watch for other Old People that we might know. This new food court draws out the Oldies – like a Watering Hole in parts of Africa gets every living creature for 40 miles around.
Well Dec 26 could not have been a better to day to observe the Wild Life in Lansdowne Mall. The Wild Life that came out had been caged for one whole day with no shopping – everything was closed for all of Christmas Day. And these folks we were surrounded with were hungry and agitated to get out.
Nope it wasn’t the Oldies that we normally see… it was their grandkids and great grandkids that had absolutely taken over the Mall – and Food Court in particular.
Now to set it up…
I had done my small bit of business and then headed to Tim Hortons to fetch the coffee for my Old People Undercover Squad (OPUS). That was “one Large Double Double, two Medium that were two black with three creamers and sweetners on the side… and one toasted sesame seed bagel with cream cheese..”
The two Older Ladies had gone shopping for bargains and I couldn’t get them on the Cell Phone in the Mall… so I bought the normal and waited. We each have a Cell Phone that we connect with when lost in any Mall! Working under cover as a shopper or a story writer – you need to keep connected – or the coffee will get cold!
I plunked down in the big comfy chair near the fire place and watched people. Beside me in the other comfy chair was a “mom” reading her book and once in a while looking at her watch… and occasionally picking up her cell phone to look. Her phone never rang… but she looked at it. Odd – most people know when their phone rings. Maybe she had her phone ringer turned off… but the Mall was noisy and she would hardly hear it in the normal ring.
I waited for the other two Oldies - sipping my coffee and munching my bagel.
The reading “mom” next to me suddenly grabbed her phone and frustrated she dialled a number… the conversation that I heard was only one sided… it went as follows…
“Where ARE YOU!? I have been sitting here for two hours waiting! You were supposed to call, or Text, or do something two hours ago! Get over to the Food Court… I am sitting beside the Fireplace and the Fire is burning… you will see it. I WANT YOU HERE IN FIVE MINUTES – I MEAN NOW!”
Snap the phone clapped shut and her foot was moving – the way that most mom’s feet move when they are signalling that some one in deep trouble.
Probably no more than one minute the daughter arrived. About 12 or 13 she stopped by her mom’s comfy chair and said “Hi…”
Mom went into the Mad Mom Trip… for a few minutes telling the same story over again… two hours waiting…. Yadda yadda yadda…
Then Mom snapped… “I have to get another coffee – stay with my jacket… and book…”
The daughter plopped down in the chair and flipped her new phone open… and began punching the mini keyboard that had popped out of the side of the phone. It had beeped just as mom was giving her the scolding and when mom walked away she immediately flipped it open to begin answering the beep.
This girl was a Texter! Whoah. I had traveled to this Oldies Watering Hole.. with hopes of finding one or two… and maybe being able to get a look at some wild creature Texting… now one was sitting within one foot of me and rapidly tapping out a message…
If I would have known the key board a little better I could have “read what she was typing…” I should have paid better attention in High School typing class!
As I looked closely at my new neighbour sitting in the close by comfy chair… I looked past here just another 5 feet… and there was a whole group of the Young Creatures… all sitting at one table… with heads down. It kind of looked like the old days when people prayed over their food. But they never stopped praying… they were Texting someone on their new cell phones!
It was Boxing Day… one day after a complete shut down of shopping… and house arrest by teenagers… in that they likely had spent the WHOLE DAY with OLD PEOPLE! And now they were out… and Texting wildly.
One table in the other direction was priceless to watch.
On one side there sat three girls on two chairs… and the other were two boys. Not quite old enough to be allowed to date yet – they could meet their friends at the Mall. All had on the cool clothes – all new stuff. But no one was looking at anyone’s new clothes… they were all looking at their new cell phones and Texting rapidly… with thumbs flying over the mini keyboards…
What happened next was too odd for words… but let me try.
Now one was saying anything… then one of the girls picked up a French fry and threw it at the guy across the table… and yelled “You PIG!”
He honestly did not say one word! He had sent a Text to her across the table….! No kidding only two feet away and they were using their Texting to Talk!
The young dude dodged the French Fry and kept Texting… thinking I am sure that his opponent will have to answer a Text Message and not retrieve another French Fry… to toss! IT WAS THE CLASSIC TEXT MESSAGE DIVERSION TACTIC AT ITS BEST! So cool! This kid was a classic at what he was doing! Talk about good.
Table after table was loaded with Text Messaging Teens… the TMT of the Mall.
Then I looked up and there were hundreds of others walking by – not seated and but with heads down in the prayer like fashion… with thumbs working wildly again… and walking!
The entire Mall was text messaging someone somewhere at the same time!
When I tried to call the Other Oldie – my wife… by dialling her cell phone…to tell her the coffee was hot and ready… the phone had acted weird… as if there was no signal… and THERE WAS NO ROOM ON THE AIR WAVES IN THAT MALL… because the Mall Air was filled with radio air waves… cancer causing… cell splitting micro waves that were slicing through my old body… at a million miles a nano second!
And I was worried that my Oldie would spend too much money in the Sale at that Store… or if the coffee would get cold!
In Africa and its Watering Holes… the animals communicate with sounds… that warn each other that something bigger than you is quite near and if you don’t watch out it might eat you.
In the Mall the Cell Phone Texting machine does a similar service…
“OMG I hv to go… my mthr is scmg on the phn @ me..gta go cya”
I got my story and also the photos that you see!
I am convinced that you can shoot their photo and they will never know…even when they are looking right at the camera… their brains are being fried one little cell at a time with the mini-micro waves that fly through the air.
I am going to start a petition at the Mall Food Court that simple will get the Mall to act on it… to make the Food Court a Cell Phone Free – Text Message Free zone on the days that Oldies go there to water at the Tim Hortons Watering Hole!!!!!
I mean… we Oldies don’t need another problem… with cancer causing air waves that fire through the air and our bodies! We are already constipated enough… limp a little and are losing our eye sight and hearing… the Good Lord knows that our old bodies can’t take that kind of shock to the system – so should the Mall Management!
At one table next to where we sat to eat ….was a roundly type Grandmother that had all her grandkids with her… all five. They were from University age to middle high school. She had taken them to the Mall to buy each one their after Christmas Gifts.
They came to the table one at a time to sit with her.
“Thanks Grandma… “I got you Text Message when I was in Old Navy.” The other grandson stated… “I got her message when I was in Sears..”
This COOL GRANNY… a genuine Oldie… had simply plopped down with her Tim Hortons Coffee and called in her Grandkids with Texting!
Some Grandmas are cool because they make great Chocolate Chip cookies… this one uses Text Messaging.
Sheesh – do I ever have to catch up! My Cell Phone plan has Text Messaging as well… it is just that I don’t have a fancy phone with that Teeny Weeny Keyboard… and I hate making a sepliing mistke!
~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/
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