Thursday, June 18, 2009

So what is the best way to swat a fly?

Working in my garage in the last little while as the warm weather is coming along – I have had visitors. The mosquitoes and flies have arrived from wherever they were hiding during the cold months.

Summer is here this weekend and so are the bugs.

Now carving wood entails the use of very sharp knives. Trying to swat a mosquito or a fly with a super sharp blade in your hand is not good – specially if the bug lands on your own leg. One swat here would sever an important artery for sure. The thought makes me shudder a little.

The other night I swung the blade at the fly in a Zorro fashion – swish swish swish – and the fly laughed at me, come back again and again.

I did acquire a powerful bug zapper that simply does the little bugs in – and big ones too. Hornets and Wasps will come down in a daze after meeting my super swatter. But then you need to apply a little shoe leather to dispatch the sucker.

Oddly enough as I have been inventing new ways to kill the little buggers… this morning’s news release is so good that I couldn’t miss sharing what is the most important fly in the world.

In a recent interview President Obama was being bothered by a fly. It was a big day and anything that the President of the USA says is powerful and important. The Black Fly interrupted the procedure.

Imagine…
The night before the small Black Fly had enjoyed an evening out with his friends, doing what Black Flies do best… enjoying the sights, the smells and the food stuff that they had found near a large White House. In all likelihood they had been discovering some of the presents left behind by “Bo”, the President’s Dog. “Bo” had been out walking the day before and had deposited some Presidential Gifts for Secret Service Men to discover as they patrol the White House Lawns for terrorists and such.

The morning sun had come and the late sleeping Black Fly had found some warmth in the Sun Shine… and then leapt into flight with the kick of his tiny legs – and he was off on another day of discovery.

It may have been a lapse in security or simply an open window when the folk of that day entered the White House in Washington. I am not sure – he had arrived where no fly had flown before – at least that day.

Within the hour he had found a room of bright lights, electrical chords and people. Sitting in a dark suit was a man of focus. He was answering questions and presenting policy to the world. This black suited individual was more powerful than any person that Mr. Black Fly had ever circled before. He even smelled good.

Within seconds of the Black Fly’s discovery of the smell and the object of his new affection – he learned to manoeuvre the air current and the spittle of the suited man. Shoulder… nose… head… hair… arm… leg… back and front… Black Fly savoured the man.

This Black Fly was flying where no Fly had been before… all around the President of the USA. Close up and personal.

No person or being in the World would ever be allowed this close kind of visit. Security personnel would be all over them if they touched the President.

Black Fly was also being filmed so that Billions would see his abilities to make an impression on the President.

The camera fixed its lens on the President as the Black Fly swished by… the President excused himself because of his attention being drawn to Black Fly…

Then with careful concentration, the President of the USA, on camera, with absolute precision – SMACK he got Black Fly as he landed on the man’s left hand.

Believe it or not – the million dollar interview was stalled by a Black Fly… but then in seconds he was laying on the hard floor beside the President of the USA. The camera zoomed into the catch this important dead Black Fly…

Tom Geoghegan, of the BBC News magazine told me the story and showed the actual footage that was captured with a President Killing a Fly. Too cool!

To complete the start of my day he suggested the following 10 steps to Kill a Fly. I hope you enjoy them.

Hey – have great big wonderful day!!!!

So what is the best way to swat a fly? Here are 10 suggestions.

1. Do it early in the day, says Max Barclay, an insect expert at the Natural History Museum. "Because they are cold-blooded, the reactions of insects depend on the temperature of the air. Early in the morning or in the evening they will be a bit dopey, but in the heat of the day they will be very quick." But expect failure. Barack Obama was probably quite lucky, unless he's been practising. "Nine times out of 10, a human will come off second best. Flies have a phenomenal barrage of senses, half of which we don't have."

2. Approach from behind, goes one theory, because flies take off backwards. Anecdotal evidence suggests some people find this a successful method. But the fact that flies have 360-degree vision and can jump in any direction makes it improbable.

3. Aim ahead, rather than at, the fly say researchers in the US, who found that within milliseconds of sensing a threat, flies get their body ready to take off forward, backwards or sideways. "Given that they are going to be jumping away from the swat, it's best to aim slightly ahead of it," says Michael Dickinson, of the California Institute of Technology. Although how far ahead depends on the speed of the fly. He's been studying take-offs for five years, using video that provides 5,400 frames a second of a fly's precise motion when threatened with a swatting.

4. The old-fashioned slap , now known as The Barack. Stay still, keep focused, take aim and attack. Ideal for a fast hand and if the fly is stationary. And if the world's media is in attendance. YouTube fame beckons.

5. Implements with holes are more effective, says Dr Peter Barnard, director of science at the Royal Entomological Society. "It's the air pressure they detect and fly away from. It's not so much that they see something coming, but they feel the pressure wave in front of the object." This is due to their coating of microscopic hairs, highly sensitive to air movement. Practising what he preaches, Dr Barnard uses a plastic pistol that fires a holed circular device. A fly swat gun, if you will.

6. Use chopsticks, like the Karate Kid. Under guidance from his instructor Mr Miyagi, teenager Daniel LaRusso demonstrates his speed and hand-eye coordination, and learns an important life lesson at the same time. Mr Miyagi's advice - "Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything" - features on T-shirts in homage to the 1984 film.

7. Put hands either side of the fly, facing each other, so it doesn't know where the threat comes from, then clap the air a few inches above it. Wash hands immediately to remove the contents of the fly's stomach (don't ask).

8. Get a gadget. At the hi-tech end of the market there's an electric-powered mesh, a dome complete with pheromone and an insecticide aerosol. For those on a budget, there are decorative window stickers or pens to coat windows with transparent insecticide, and fly-swats cost as little as £2. Animal rights organisation PETA, which advocates compassion for flies, says there are humane bug-catching devices available too.


9. Improvise with a rolled-up newspaper (bear in mind point five, above), or a spray window-cleaner.


10. The humane approach - to capture but not kill. "I like to grab them in my hands," says Mr Barclay, who's had plenty of practice. "When you want them for a collection you don't want them damaged. Hit them with the palm of your hand and close your fingers over it." And if you're not an entomologist, release the fly outside. It will make you feel better.

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