“Hello this is Murray Lincoln and I am dead”

When I called the telephone number no one was home. A man’s voice answered on the answering machine… and I stopped moving… he was actually gone already… he had died a few weeks ago and no one had removed his voiced message from the machine. Gulp. I couldn’t leave a message and hung up the phone. I didn’t know what to say I was so stunned.

He was chipper and happy sounding in the message – yet he was dead.

It isn’t the first time this has happened either. Often the widow is the last person to call her own number and hear her husband tell someone to leave their message after the beep.

Note to self: When I am ready to die – about to die – know I am going to die – CHANGE OUR HOME MESSAGE and get rid of my old voice message.

Like maybe…
“Hi this is Murray Lincoln. I am so glad that you called. You can leave a message but I am not likely to ever get it. You see I died on June 3rd and I cannot get the messages any longer. At the beep – hang up. Call back when Alida is home… she doesn’t do the “Answering Machine Thing”. Have a great day – and maybe I will see you soon… or not so soon if you like!”

I have played around with this answering machine idea for a while now… like… maybe…

“Hi you have reached Murray Lincoln’s coffin. He is a little cool right now and unable to pick up a telephone receiver and his cell phone battery went dead too. Please leave a message at the beep. Thanks.”

Or…

“Hi there… Murray Lincoln here… I am dead as you know… last June 3rd. I have just checked the ‘Soon To Arrive List’ on the door way just outside Heaven’s Banquet Hall. Your name was there down a few lines on the second sheet. Hey – don’t worry I will be there when you blast through next week. You are not going to believe the sights and stuff that is happening here. See you soon. At the beep leave your message… what – cat got your tongue? Come on speak up friend – I can’t hear you”

Now that would be just too nasty to actually do that … wouldn’t it… but it would be fun… totally. It sure would stop the tele-marketers… those troublesome supper time calls…. Too funny.

But it should start at the funeral… after all haven’t you seen the word F-U-N in FUNERAL…?

People really take this death thing too serious – don’t you think? I mean they get all messed up with the regrets and sadness thing. If only we had taken more time… if only we hadn’t talked that way to each other? If only?

It seems to me that few people leave a funeral and begin getting things right with family members… or friends… they continue acting just a stupid as they did before the funeral.

So here is to the “death message” thing… get it right the first time. Once your June 3rd arrives… you will not get a second chance… unhappy stuff is over… another opportunity will never be there either.

And as to living life differently… why not be civil to each other? Why not stop acting like a jerk and continue jerking your family around? If you are married – act like you are. Stop being such a stupid partner – woman or man!

BUT then – there is the other side of the message that may well sound like…

“Hi this is Anne. My husband died last week after many years of being a real jerk. I am not able to be here to answer the telephone now – I am out having fun again. I will get back to you in a few days. He is lying at Shaddy Acres and I am at the Mall. At the beep please leave your message.”

or

“Hey this is Fred… glad you called. Yes we buried my wife last week. It is all over – that part of my life – no more nagging and haggling over silly little things. Sorry I am not here to take you call as I am out having fun now. I am either at the Gym or at the Movies or on a Bicycle Trail… just loving it. Leave a message at the beep… Wahoo!”

Think about it and change… before there is no more time left to change.

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/