Secrets of Old Men Talking

There is no doubt in my mind that Old Men are the funniest thing that God has ever created!

Now you may not agree if you live with a miserable old “gaseous” man. “Gaseous” is the better known “F” word ending with a “T”. (If my wife reads this later she would protest the use of such a word by her husband – who is sometimes a MOG Man – or simply a MOF also)

Well a MOG man or MOF needs to join a group like I did yesterday. These guys on their own might be MOG men or MOFs – but together they were hilarious!

I joined into the group action at a beautiful senior’s residence in our city. Specifically I joined into their wood carving group on Thursday AM.

As I came through the door they heartily greeted and welcomed me – asking where I lived in the residence and how long I lived there. Yikes – that was the first funny as I backed away from my own “oldness” and denied living there yet!

Attention quickly changed from me to their bowels. Quick change – but welcomed by me.

“When you guys have your Colonoscopy – how did you get along?” asked the one fellow in the electric wheel chair.

One of them replied, “It isn’t a problem at all. Kind nice actually. You go to sleep for a while. It is the horrible diarrhea that they make you have before the procedure that nearly kills you! Dam – that is the worst part!”

“One thing about it is that you are a “perfect ass” when you come out of it!” responded one man. They all roared.

The guy next to the last comment responded, “You don’t need to have a colonoscopy to be that!” More laughter…peals of laughter. Men with men laughter!

Three of the guys had been friends on the ‘outside’ and in the community for more than 35 years. Two had joined the one fellow that lived in the senior’s residence now – to start this wood carving club.

Then attention turned to me. Oh boy. They quizzed me about carving. I am good. I answered all their questions easily. After all I am a professional now. I have taught many all over the world. They listened kindly.

I should mention at this point – every man in the room was at least 20 years older than me.

Then they shared with me that three of them were “World Class Carvers”. Oh Boy. They have often competed in Carving Competitions at the World Class Carving Level…meaning that there is NO ONE better than you are… in your community for sure… in your country likely and only maybe at the World Class Level – where only the absolute best come together. Every carver knows that!

“I don’t carve anymore – gave it up and I hate it now!” stated one of the three. “One winter I had orders for 5 commissioned bird carvings. My wife had to call me to bed over and over again at 1 and 2 AM. I worked all day and carved all night. I burned out doing them… and never want to see carving again.”

That was a powerful moment where he had shared a glimpse of his personal and deepest love that had been shattered. Needless to say it seemed even worse to me in that he was sitting in a Wood Carving Group and NOT CARVING. He hates it but loves to be with guys that do it.

I was quiet as one of the three rolled over to me and asked about my carvings. I shared a few things but was careful. I was sitting in the presence of a MASTER… a Man that could use a knife and tools better than anyone in the room. Now he was in a wheel chair and not carving because of his sore hands. But he was encouraging me.

That was a special moment that I needed – an old master talking with me.

As we talked another old fellow started up the Scroll Saw on the table behind us. My new friend scowled and looked at the dude sawing. “For *&^%$ sake who is making that racket?! Do you know what that does to your hearing aids!!!!? Some people….” Then there was a peal of laughter again.

The guy using the saw looked at me and said, “You gotta watch out for certain people here… they are just plain miserable! That is why his wife makes him come down here!” More laughter…
When old men get together it is amazing. When old men talk – stuff happens. And there are secrets when old men talk.

In my mind I was taken back to a time in my life when a group of us boys on our street built a tree house out of old lumber we scavenged from the neighborhood. Structurally it didn’t survive two winters. But what happened in and around the tree house – the conversation – the laughter – the bragging – the jostling – the put downs and the encouragement was so powerful that you never forget.
Yesterday I was in their tree house. I was a new boy on the block. And now they had welcomed me into their tree house. I was now part of the gang.

“Hey John… what is the word for a Bra in German?” They roared with laughter. John waited a little – maybe not remembering the joke. I gave the answer – to which they all roared and told me that was only one word way… they gave another… to which we all laughed.

I had learned that word when I was a boy in my puberty stage… and roared with laughter in our tree house when I learned it from the other boy that eventually became a Catholic Priest.

Now some of you will be aghast that a minister knows the word for a Bra in German… well that minister is still a boy inside… and at that moment he(me) was about as free as a bird sitting in that “tree house” with his new buddies.

One then asked me what I had done for a living. To which I told them that I was a minister in my working life. More laughter… after the guy asking stopped and then stated, “You knew that word…!”

I was carving a feather at that stage and dropped my knife laughing with them.

The secrets of old men talking are really cool. And when old men share their secrets with you – well that is “way cool”.

“I hope you come back Murray” said one of the World Class Carvers. I replied, “I would love to…”

~ Murray Lincoln ~
One of the Boys…