Wii and Mii – The Olympic Athlete in Training

In my old age I have discovered a new ailment. Holy Mackerel – I thought I was OK! The ailment started about two months before Christmas and has occurred off and on for almost eight weeks. And I thought I was doing okay physically. Not so… it appears.

I have not been to a Doctor yet… and likely will not go. I am too embarrassed to tell him what it is all about.

I have not gone to the emergency department of our hospital yet – either. And this will be the LAST PLACE I will go. This is especially true because of one question that they ask each time you enter that facility… “Where did this injury take place?”

It is embarrassing enough to tell them that you cut your hand carving wood and that you did this while you are a wood carver… and professional wood carver at that… and that you knew better… but the cut on your hand was bad. The last time of cutting myself happened just after I had received the newest ailment – that really hurt.

I have considered lying to the hospital staff or my own Doctor… but I cannot come up with a good story to describe what the ailment is all about.

Are you ready for this? Here goes… even my Doctor doesn’t know what this ailment is all about.

It is called “Wii Arm”. “Wii Arm”? Yep… it comes from trying to get good at the Game entitled Wii.

In November my daughter bought it for her kids and stored it at our home. I decided to make sure that it was working okay before they wrapped it up for Christmas.

I played Tennis, Baseball, Golf, Bowling, and Boxing.

The Golf game is fairly quiet and peaceful as you follow a great course through all the holes. The sand traps and water traps are very realistic. And you never get tried from carrying your bag or walking back to the Golf Cart. Pretty cool and with a challenge to boot.

The Bowling is so much like the real thing in a Real Bowling Alley. Wow! And you never have to put your sock feet into those well worn rental shoes again – you know the ones with the white powder spray masking the lethal “athlete foot” germs… or “boggo boggo virus” from the last player that rented the shoes.

Tennis is so cool. The ball reacts just like the real ball does on the Tennis Court in real life. It is so good in that you can play Tennis even while it is snowing outside in the dead of winter. You can smash hard and play the ball past the man or woman on the screen. You cannot smash the ball sitting down… a standing position works better.

The Baseball allows you to pitch and also bat. The difference with real baseball and the Wii Baseball… is that you do all the pitching and all the batting for your whole team… for all of the innings. If you pitch slow the other team hits home runs each time. So you have to pitch fast – very fast… and you can pitch the other players out! And when you hit – you have to hit hard to get a Home Run. And if you swing too early… or too late… the crowd will let you know that you suck.

Then there is the real work out – Boxing. The player on the screen that is you… weaves left and right as you weave. The arms of the On Screen Player fly as you throw the Left, Left, Left… and the strong Right Upper Cut. The hand controller shakes as you punch the daylights out of your opponent and he or she falls with a sickening thud to the matt. The sound effects are too good. The action is only too real.

If you win the three rounds out of the potential five rounds of Boxing – 3 minutes a round each… you advance to the next level… which presents a tougher and meaner opponent… who does not fall down as easy as the first fighter did. In fact as you advance, your own person gets smashed so often that you have to fight harder and harder – moving faster, throwing more punches, weaving from side to side, hitting harder and harder… until you can smash this dude on the screen.

I think the new ailment happened somewhere after the Boxing Match where I advanced to the 15th level… or maybe it was after I tried for two hours in a row to advance past the 15th level over and over again. My punches were getting slower at the end and I had to go to bed.

The next morning my right shoulder hurt so bad that I couldn’t move my arm past my waist. I had a hard time putting on my coat. And shoveling snow was not so good. Tylenol helped.

My daughter told me that one man had lost 40 pounds while playing the Wii Boxing. I believe her.

When I hurt my shoulder I switched to Tennis… not the same motions and you can hit easier… less sweating when you play this game. In Boxing I had to strip down to my waste as my shirt was wet. Tennis is a little easier. And you only need to swing hard from your wrist…snapping or turning your wrist to get the spins, the curve and the slices to the tennis ball – thus fooling your opponent and winning points. It took a few days of playing to get that winning way about me – so I could progress to the Silver Medal level – which I was granted at about 12:30 PM… and the crowd went wild with its cheering.

When my tennis wrist started to hurt I switched to baseball. I shouldn’t have tried that one at that time. The already sore right shoulder started to REALLTY HURT when I pitched that fist inning so hard. YES I had the safety strap on so that the controller wouldn’t fly from my hand and go through the TV Screen. I did drop it once as I pitched that fantastic strike out – IMAGINE I threw that sucker out with a 97 MPH pitch.

After winning the game of baseball I slid under the covers that night remembering my youth again when I played the position of PITCHER and struck so many out in a row.

But something was wrong as I pulled up the sheet around my neck… my right arm and shoulder felt twice the size as me left arm. It was throbbing. I got up and popped two Tylenols… and it seemed to help. The next morning was a real problem holding the HEAVY COFFEE CUP.

That is my secret… and you can now see that telling the Emergency Room nursing staff that I blew out my right shoulder and wrist playing my grandkids unopened Christmas gift – is almost impossible.

However if I had experienced a massive coronary while Boxing I might have had to say something. But then Alida might not have found me until the morning… Now there is a headline… “Local Retired Minister Kills Himself Playing His Grandkid’s Wii.”

Recouping time… was good. I read two books in that period of time.

Christmas Morning arrives..
When the grandkids opened this Wii Game on Christmas day the Box was empty. The game was already set up and ready to play in our basement. They were so excited.

I sat and watched Clifford, my 13 year old grandson, try all the games and then keep on going and going and going. He never tired. My arm still aches and I moved it gently through my self prescribed stretching exercises… oh boy!

Clifford and I played baseball against each other… he whipped me. We bowled and I beat him the fist game. Boxing is still impossible so I cheered loudly as they all tried that game.

The most fun was watching my 87 year old mother sitting on a chair and bowling. She hit at least three strikes in her 10 frames of bowling. The ball rolled very slowly down to the pins… but it got there.

The Grandkids left their Wii Game with Grandpa to help him play while they are away for a few days.

I have discovered Table Tennis and Snooker in some of the games.. much lower impact and you can sit quietly while you play.

Recouping from Christmas 2008…
~ Murray Lincoln ~