My Way or The Highway – Standing Up For MY RIGHTS

Most everyone that I know is shopping for the best deals that they can find for this Christmas holiday season. Gift buying is top on the list. Next to that is the budget and knowing if you can afford it or not. Some will buy no matter what – they don’t care – they just want it so they get it – NOW! “Personal Gifting” is a new norm.

Yesterday in Future Shop I walked through the Big Box store with my son-in-law Bruce. We drooled over the new computers, tried to understand the multitude of gaming devices for kid’s games and simply loved the smell of the humming place. It is a man’s world for “technogeeks” and “electrofreeks”. Listening to the smart and sharp young man describe the wonders of this latest computer in front of us was amusing. He stirred my blood a little with an offer that was amazing. Almost… but Alida my wife would not be terribly understanding if I walked into the house with the brand new Apple Computer that hummed on the shelf. (It was an open box deal with almost $200 knocked off the $1600 retail value! The extra warrantee that should be placed on the unit was another $480 for an extra four years of maintenance – with the Mother Board part being worth $1100 along that was a bargain).

Rationalizing the moment – I could just stand up for what I want and TAKE IT BECAUSE I WANT IT! I could go home and then explain it to my wife why it was such a good deal that I couldn’t resist it. I could tell her that I wanted it so bad that I simply made the decision on my own. I could tell her that I am the one that is doing the carving in this new “Misty Hollow Carving” Business of mine – and it is MY OWN MONEY. I could tell her a lot of things. I could… kind of….get what I want… kind of…

As Bruce talked with the sales guy about all that the whiz bang unit would do – I wandered over to the new “Wall Mounted HD Plasma, Schmazma, Super Duper Television” – new and ready to go. With Bruce’s help I could get this into the garage without Alida seeing it before Christmas. I could cover it with the large tarp that I have and she would never be the wiser. I could fool my wife at least until the Master Card bill came in. By that time we will make so much extra money – at least I will – that it won’t matter. I really need this new Television. It is so good that the cheer leaders bouncing all over the screen almost look like they could step out in front of me. Add to that the amazing little speaker system that immersed me into the total experience… I NEED THIS – THERFORE I WILL GET IT – BY WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY.

We walked out of the front doors with the smell of the electronics in our nostrils. That was all that we took home.

But… if… I… could form a “coalition with other men on my block”… and we together could simply take a stand for what WE WANT… WE COULD EACH BUY A NEW TELEVISION FOR OUR GARAGES! We do not need a consensus on these matters… and if there is any lip… or objections they will be quickly quelled with a hasty news conference that we will call for in my driveway for later tomorrow. OUR WIVES will HAVE TO LISTEN – I mean there is “HUMAN RIGHTS” and like “HUSBAND RIGHTS”… and they will listen. We may even get support from every hen pecked husband in Canada and even the USA. WE WILL MAKE THE FRONT PAGE and HEADLINE NEWS even on the New TV we have bought right out there in MY DRIVEWAY! Hen Pecked Husbands RISE – it is YOUR DAY! Seize the Day – buy what you want when you want it!

Blood Pressure surely has risen in most men’s bodies at this moment… and following that is the mighty crash of reality – just go ahead and try it Dude… it may not be good for your health. You might be enjoying that new “Wall Mounted HD Plasma, Schmazma, Super Duper Television” – in your garage alone. In fact you may well have a whole life of aloneness… if you are not dead as the other alternative to such a wise decision on your part.

Alida flat out tells her “joke” to women that listen. As a Holy Woman of God and the best Pastor’s Wife that ever existed she states with an amazing calmness, “I have never considered divorce in our 41 years of marriage – but I have considered MURDER.” She speaks this with such resolve and a steadiness that it makes me stop and listen – closely.

I hope you find it comical as I spend “hours” over putting just the right words together for this article.

BUT – the focus needs to go to Ottawa and our Federal Government at this time. “Three Husbands” and their small husband faction have stood up and told their wives (the general public) that this is what they are going to do. They have stated, because they formed a coalition and have decided this is what will happen, and that we the public will have to accept this new twist in our strained and unlovely relationship. And this is the time line and you better accept it or else!

I would like to rise to my full height and in all my experience as a husband, to shout loudly to these “Three Liberated and Self Assured Husbands” – “enjoy the TV in your garage now… for you may be the most lonely fellows on the block”.

The best and hastiest Media Announcements called for the driveway out front of the house will not quiet the rage inside the house. “Three Husbands” you need to really, REALLY Think this through some more.

The old saying that is only too true rings well now across Canada… and in every one of the households where dumb decisions can affect the whole family… “When mamma aint happy – there aint nobody happy!”

“So Stephane and Jack what are you serving tonight in your garage? Gilles said he would be a little late – something about another deal going down… So what are we going to watch tonight? You mean you can’t agree on what we watch? No…? Really…?”

~ Murray Lincoln ~
(Happily Married – working in my garage, sleeping in my own bed with my wife, with a small TV and no Apple Computer… and loving it)
"Misty Hollow Carving" www.murraylincoln.com

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