Magical and Blessed Moments Together

Sorting through emotions today is a big task. I am flooded with over whelming feelings and at times wonder what to do with them all.

In my small office this morning I am thinking of the beauty that we witnessed over the past few days at Deerhurst Resort…peaceful morning waters… the call of thousands of early morning birds… the wood pecker working rapidly not far a way… and then the shimmer of morning dew on the grass that soaked your shoes when you walked.

It was a short three days – but wonderful.

So many feelings and thoughts…
I sat on Wednesday morning with my friend Harold and listened to his words. It was a God moment for both of us to talk and listen. We were in the restaurant looking out over the lake. It was our moment together.

Harold had joined Tim, Ralph and myself for breakfast. It just happened – not planned. Much like the last time that Harold and I met one year ago in Toronto.

In 2008 at our National Conference for our church Harold and I spoke in the foyer of the large hotel. I was sad as I faced the possible loss of my job and ministry at Northview church. I told him of the pending decision and the possibility that I would soon be retiring from the church. I asked Harold at that moment if he was retiring soon… he responded with his gentle laugh and said that he intended to go on with his work at the church as long as he could.

I was 64 years old and Harold was 66. Over the years our paths have intertwined in various ways. We know each other as friends. His dad, Ken, followed our Pastoral ministry in Walkerton in 1977.

Tim knows Harold as well in that Pastor Ken had been Tim’s pastor after 1977.

Not long after Harold and my conversation in Toronto the next stage of his life unfurled. One day he experienced pain in his chest. It happened suddenly and thinking it was a heart problem they called the ambulance. They checked him for heart problems and then kept him in the hospital over night for tests the next day. By the end of that next day the doctors told him that he was in an advanced stage of cancer.

The prognosis that followed extensive testing was not good at all. The cancer that had started and grown quickly was in his lungs as well as all his bones throughout his body. The final testing was completed and treatment was given by the fall season. At that time he was given a matter of months to live.

At breakfast yesterday Harold shared with the three of us what his thoughts were on death and the way that we deal with it – or don’t deal with it all.

All four pastors at the table had attended to hundreds of funerals over the years. All of us have used words of comfort and encouragement. Harold shared his feelings and thoughts openly. We agreed that we all are sadly inadequate and very much unprepared as we face our own death one of these days – soon.

Harold’s departure, if nothing happens miraculously, will be sooner than the rest of us.

Tim and Ralph left for the sessions that were to take place next.

Harold and I share for another 20 minutes. He talked and I listened.
Harold spoke of his Kids and Grandkids. He shared funny stories and his dreams for them. As he shared he stopped and spoke of the one thing that bothers him the most… the fact that he may not be there to see them grow up and take on the world that waits. “I wanted to do that but I guess God had another plan…” were his soft words from his heart.

I shared with Harold that his feelings are mine as well. That part I will miss the most as my grandkids grow and move into a waiting world.

We shared our feelings knowing that our wives will likely live on for many years after we die – if we follow the “norms” of the Canadian family – where men die 15 to 25 years before their spouse.

The conversation was not morbid… or a downer. Oddly enough Harold and I laughed many times in our 20 magical and blessed moments together.

As we left the restaurant, Harold walked on ahead of me. I had to go back and get something I had left behind at the table. There in front of me… walking alone… was my friend Harold. No one else but Harold. Rather than run to catch him I just watched his steps. The moments were not long… but they have left a deep impression that I am mulling this AM.

Toward Harold’s final days and also my final days… others will be with us. Doctors and medical staff will help us I am sure – to the best of their abilities. But inevitably we will walk alone, shoulders back and head high… just like Harold was yesterday morning.

In the hour and a half that we sat together and talk… listened… and shared together… my life was deeply impacted again with the wonder of my God… his grace and mercy… and the deep love that we have for each other.

If you could today – or would – please pray for my friend Harold and his wife Yvonne. The next days and months are more important than the last ones… BUT the NOW is the MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.
~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/