Friday, April 2, 2010

I am a Recovering Minister

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Today’s Blog Post

I am a Recovering Minister

WOW! And I thought I was in a dry spell! No way. Suddenly everything started to happen.

I now know what a Black Bear must feel like after waking up from his winter’s nap. He is stretching and then slowly emerging from his winter’s den…the air outside is fresh and it is a whole new day. And there are berries to eat and fish to catch… oooiee let’s get going!!!

Business wise I have suddenly gone from waiting for something to happen to wondering what happened as new doors are in front of me.

In one day I received new orders, received an award, and am working with some one on an invitation to minister over a few weeks that another Pastor is away. This is just too good. I am coming out of my winter den and taking a deep breath of the fresh air of opportunity and it is good!

Now mind you this is all happening to person that sees gold in every hill, whether it is there or not; sees opportunity where others have quit; and believes that it is my world with possibilities when everyone has left town. Sounds good doesn’t it… trouble is I go broke being positive at times.

I have about $1200 worth of hand carved leaves almost completed… but will anyone buy them? I am sure they will. Just like a fisherman is when he gets his hooks ready – or buys a new one.

I have Celtic Love Spoons ready as well… lots of them. I am sure that someone will need one soon for a wedding that they will go to or an anniversary that they will attend. That is why I carved them – I am sure that they will be needed someday!

I have Teddy Bears with brand new faces ready… I am sure that someone will want them… someday.

I am able to speak somewhere – if someone would need me. Someday…. I hope.

The above statements have rolled around in my head for months now… yet nothing was happening. I was kind of stuck in the yucky mud of “sit still and wait”.

Do you know how hard that is on a “Triple A Personality”? Hokey Mokey you can go nuts when that happens!

I have stated in an earlier Blog that I am a “recovering minister”. I suggested that in a way that is a lot like a “recovering alcoholic” or a “recovering drug addict”. I told some one that the other day and they frowned at me for suggesting the elevated position of pastor would be anything like alcoholic or drug addict. But they were wrong – it is a whole lot like these other problems.

A minister waits for things to happen. He or she waits and hopes that they will be needed. They go to church on Sunday hoping that some one will show up. They prepare messages and presentations with the idea that maybe someone will care. They battle nightmares that haunt them of people not showing up for something that the minister has worked hard on. All that the minister does is connected to and maybe even addicted to people.

Unplug him or her from that constant, adrenalin charged up and up coming moment – next Sunday morning’s church service and they will go through withdrawal that is very hard to take.

Now I thought I had it under control. This addiction to the ministry was in a quiet mode, settled down and loving the quietness… alone and loving it. On any Sunday morning or Saturday night I am well rested…not thinking about what has to be done, what has to be said or done on the Sunday AM. I don’t think about who will object to this sermon today, who will fold their arms and scowl? I have no worries any longer if people will help with the Offerings or hold back because they hated last Sunday’s sermon… or may have even left the church in the last 7 days.

That last paragraph reveals only a small bit of the tension, adrenalin, heightened or lowered ambition that a Minister goes through.

Ministers do not hibernate like a Bear does. Ministers rarely take complete holidays away. They cannot easily unplug unless they go to the Moon – and even at that they can still see the earth way out there!

In starting my business I was so excited as everything came alive and I was doing it again….action, lights, people, places and stuff was happening. Then came a “recession”, an economic downturn, a market fallout…what ever you call it… small businesses are affected deeply as well.

But hey…I can still speak for a living …helping other pastors when they need to take a break. Right? And maybe even do something special for churches to brighten the winter seasons and the dull Sundays… right?

Nope. Churches are affected buy recession too. At least many think that way… and nothing happens.

There are moments over the last months, the hibernation stages, that I truly felt like I had contracted Leprosy… and people were running from me crying “Unclean, Unclean”.

So it is an honest confession. Through the darker moments when the world seemed to stand still and my personal “Leprosic Being” was neglected and rejected… I simply withdrew.

BUT HOLD ON HERE… there is a problem. In less than 24 hours three things happened that made me ignite inside again… I was in the middle of the Ministerial Fray again… my heart was beating faster, my step quickened and I was alive again… the old adrenalin was flying through my veins and I was pumped.

The Ministerial Addiction kicked in again… and as the neededness flew through my senses and body and brain – I was back on to the Minister’s Tread Mill again. It took less than 24 hours for it to take place. Yikes! And I was loving it.

Today I am not sure I want to leave this addiction. I am loving the feelings that course through my very being!

But I know it will be short lived. This kind of surge will only last until the next one comes along – and there will very likely be a long period between this one and the next one.

I am addicted to “doing”. I hate just “being”. I am addicted to stuff happening! And I don’t hibernate well.

Many of my friends are as well. They buy the Fifth Wheeler Combo – truck and trailer rigs and then zoom off into the sunset heading west and south. Others simply buy a new motorcycle and are gonzo!

Having just confirmed a next step… or I am so pumped!

But then my friend Brenda kindly questioned me, “I thought you were retired?”

“I was Brenda… but this just feels so good… and I can’t seem to stop… and if I don’t hurt anyone else… is it okay?”

I am a recovering Minister… and at the moment suffering a relapse of sorts. Hokey Mokey! I can’t stop!!!!

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

2 comments:

Brenda said...

Hey Murray--I think it's Wonderful.
So good to hear that old excitement in your voice.
Go for it!!!

David Grant said...

When we fail to learn from the past, we are bound to repeat the past.

Addictions are tricky like that.