Five Magic Words to Change Your Life

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Today’s Blog Post

Five Magic Words to Change Your Life

This time my friend Peter sent me an email that has made me think. Not that I don’t think and not that Peter doesn’t send good emails to me. But this time it made sense.

His email contains Five Magic Words and his accompanying explanation is something I believe in, and have lived by for a long time. They really work.

In fact this post is all about these Five Magic Words in my life – and how I have used them, watched them work and witnessed their power.

Have I caught your interest yet?

Here they are… “How can I help you?”

Peter’s email, even though it was sent to dozens of his friends at one time, stated the following… quote…
“In this busy, "me - me - me" world, it's rare that
anyone ever asks you how they can help you.


It's usually all about, "what can you do for me."


The question "How can I help you?" is so powerful
because it focuses on the other person and not you.


People are concerned more about solving their own
problems than helping you solve yours.


That is natural human behavior.


The more you can help people solve their problems,
the more they will be interested in you and what
you do.


Even if you don't solve another person's problem,
the simple fact that you ASKED them how you can
help them will form a bond of affection and trust.


So whenever you're speaking with someone, remember
to ask them, "How can I help you?" and then be quiet
and listen to their answer.


When that person does ask you to help them, treat
it as a special opportunity.


This is a golden opportunity to form a special
relationship with that person.”
End Quote

This weekend I will be telling the story how I spoke these words one time and then I will describe the ripple affect on the people that came into my life. In this post I will be sharing it with you first… kind of a “practice”.

A few years ago…
I walked into the room and spoke these words in earnest that day. I stood beside Christopher’s bed and said quietly, from my heart, “How can I help you?” As I said these words out loud I looked at Jeanette and then at Jim. Darryl was standing close by with another young lady.

Christopher was dieing and it was plain to see there wasn’t much time left. So I prayed a simple prayer and tired my best to help.

A few days later I was called by a funeral home to see if I would conduct Christopher’s funeral. It was unexpected in that I didn’t know the family – but they had not one else and didn’t know any ministers in our city. No one in the family attended any church for many, many years. So I helped.

I met many wonderful, new people at that service.

A few years went by since that contact. Darryl came back into my life. He was sitting in the back pew at the church – alone. At the end of the service he introduced himself – telling me that he was the Uncle of Christopher, that I had conducted the funeral for a few years earlier. He was in the room the day that I had asked, “How can I help you?”

I asked Darryl, “How can I help you now?” (Six Magic Words this time).

We prayed together after Darryl shared his story with me. Darryl had been in trouble and didn’t know where to turn. Darryl started to come each week to our church. Then a new tragedy happened, his daughter tried to kill herself and others – but didn’t. So I asked Darryl “How can I help her?” His daugther was the young lady standing in Christopher’s room that day – long before.

Darryl told his sister Jeanette that he had met the same minister that did Christopher’s funeral. Jeanette started to come to church following that.

Then Jim, Jeanette’s partner, started coming too. Jeanette and Jim met new people at the church and got excited about the church. Both of their lives were changed from inside out.

Jim and Jeanette had lived together for 30 years and had avoided marriage because of what they had both been through. Now they started to see the need to make some changes.

Jeanette came one day with a radiant look on her face, Jim was standing beside her. Jeanette said, “I have made a decision. Would you like to know what it is?” Definitely was my response! “I have decided to get divorced.”

That wasn’t quite what I had expected… but I realized what was coming next, “Jim and I want to get married, would you help us?”

The story is longer than a few words… YES, they were married and it was such a blessing.

(A sideline here… some of the dear folks at the church kind of avoided these two… in that they were not married and they had lived together … and well these dear folks found it easier to do their avoidance and express their disapproval… ahem. Jeanette had watched that kind of thing all her life and didn’t let it deter her resolve to keep coming… and Jim just loved people no matter what)

Darryl kept coming too. And one Sunday brought his new girl friend Valerie. Valerie was spell bound, it seemed, with all that church was for her. She had moved to our area years before from Quebec. She had met a man that she married. He was not a nice man, as it turned out later, and abuse was part of her life. They had two kids together.

Darryl had a life style that was not too good either. Stuff started happening. And Valerie and Darryl’s relationship was broken in a million pieces. Valerie came to tell us about it. I asked “How can I help?” again. We prayed.

Shortly afterwards Valerie felt she needed to leave our area, going back home for her Mom and Dad… all the while torn to leave her own two kids behind in this area. Yes they were grown adults – but it was very hard.

Valerie stayed in touch. One day she told us by way of email that she had met a wonderful man by the name of Glenn and the relationship was going very well. She told me not long after that they were considering marriage. She said, “Remember when you asked me, ‘How can I help?’ – well I am wondering if you can come to Quebec to perform our marriage for us?”

So two posts ago I told you the story of “Blessing Valerie”… and the wonderful wedding we experienced this past weekend.

At the wedding, over and over again, people came to share their personal stories and life experiences. Many had nothing to do with churches and couldn’t relate to a “priest” in anyway. In fact what they had known in their childhood about church either made them mad or bored.

Now they were talking with a “priest” and some kind of laughed at themselves for doing that.

Valerie’s daughter’s boyfriend was there as well. He talked with me a number of times.

Gloria, Valerie’s close friend, was there as well. I think our new friendship, because of the wedding, will now grow. Her husband is a great guy. I have not met a man so kind and so gentle. Yet their marriage broke up in a divorce… and then they remarried each other again. But that is another story for another time.

The ripple affect of one question, “How can I help you?” goes on and on and on and on… until thousands of lives are involved.

One fair warning for you… DON’T ASK the Question… if you don’t mean to follow up and do something about it. It is hollow without that backup… and people will see right through you.

Gotta run… I have some one that I want to meet with this morning. I have a feeling I will me asking the question again – soon.

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/