Skip Skip Skip to my Loo

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Today’s Blog Post

(Photo by Meghan Potkins - National Post)

Skip Skip Skip to my Loo
I am sorry – I just can’t leave this one alone. My wife and I watched this report on TV last evening and we roared! What a Gas! Too Funny! Absolutely amazing that anyone would put this kind of thing in place! Some one sold the idea and another one BOUGHT IT!

Toronto has just unveiled its first automatic pay toilet. The unveiling was yesterday. The cameras and Media folk were plastered around the new apparatus covering the event.

The first man to use the toilet was surrounded by the Media to ask his impressions.

His answer was simple, “The seat was cold.”

Now there is a revelation that will shake the world. One man in a wheel chair climbs out of his warm seated chair and plunks down on the perfectly clean retractable toilet seat(that was just cleaned by an automatic scrubbing and sterilizing), and then declares it “COLD”.

The happening was reported widely across our Nation.

And the Toilet only cost $400,000 each… and there will be a lot of them installed! The company that won the contract is guaranteed a 20 year contract.

Now I can’t leave this one alone.

The reaction started flying in soon after the report was filed…
For example…
* “First pay toilet lands in Toronto today… paying to pee? Geez louise, what’s next… Air!?”
* “I need more sleep. I thought I just read about a $400,000,00 toilet the Mayor just bought!”
* “Toronto’s first pay toilet opens to rave reviews today… Ppl giving it a 10/10. I’d give it a number 2”

People in Saskatchewan thought you folk in Toronto were nuts to start with… you have just proved every suspicion that they have ever had.

Now it costs only a Quarter to Pee or do the other. And the best part is that you need to do it fairly fast. When the 20 minute mark arrives you dare not be seated and reading that last chapter… because the door automatically swishes open. Ta Da… you are on candid camera… or facing the next person that is waiting for that 20 minutes for their turn.

Don’t go in there if you are constipated – plain and simple.

And there is another “DON’T”… don’t rush in there right after the last guy… because not only does the toilet flush… so does the whole toilet… by spraying a jet of water across the floor to flush out the last dude’s cigarette butts or whatever.

And one more DON’T comes to this former, simple Saskatchewanite’s mind… Don’t go in there in a thunder storm when the power could falter… when the power goes off you will over stay your welcome… or it welcomes you until the power comes back on.

I can’t think of anywhere I would less like to be than a $400,000 toilet, door shut tight, lights all off and now way to get out. There was no mention of an escape hatch.

The airplanes that I travel on have a bar that you pull to get out and a inflated slide to bounce down on. The elevator in the tall building has ceiling trap door to let me get out.

But a ground floor toilet doesn’t need these apparatus to eject the sitter.

Now, any one from Saskatchewan knows that it is cold in the winter – very cold. And out house is not somewhere you want to go in unless you really have to… it is too darn cold. And folk out west know that most everything they own freezes up solid when it drops below Minus 25 C. When it goes to Minus 45 C – it usually breaks off… or snaps. Add to that any spray or drip of water will make a skating rink.
A $400,000 toilet door that swishes open will likely freeze part way – either on the open or the close cycle. Does Toronto know that?

The Mayor never really thought this through – it is too cold in Canada to make this $400,000 a feasible thing… and 25 Cents for a 20 minute experience in the ultimate toilet is way too cheap.

It will take 1,600,000 people paying 25 cents each to use the crapper to pay off the $400,000. That requires a max of 32,000,000 minutes – or a very long time to see that all happen!

The door on the thing will never last with 3,200,000 times opening and closing.

In my memory, I go back to my early years and the famous outhouse toilets of the west.

Most of the toilets were simple. A simple frame and a few boards loosely placed beside each other, nailed in place and a squeaky door hung in place – that when it banged close it signalled the next person that the toilet was free.

And it was always free – not 25 Cents worth.

My Uncle Max created a two seater. There were two holes cut in the seat so that two people could sit side by side and do their business at the same time. Coming from the city as we did I couldn’t really understand why two people would want to poop together… or pee together… or whatever! Now his toilet was a fancy toilet but no where near $400,000 in price.

As you read these words do you get the feeling that it must be a joke?

This present Mayor, David Miller, is about to retire. This will be his legacy I am sure.

The last Mayor had a whole bunch of colourful Moose all painted many different ways… but that is another story that People in Saskatchewan still shake their heads in wonder when you tell it.

So today… the old song “Skip, Skip, Skip to my Loo…” has a whole new meaning for me.

Imagine $400,000 for one super toilet! Sheesh! I can’t wait!

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

Source:
http://news.nationalpost.com/2010/05/19/torontos-new-automatic-pay-toilet-is-flush-tastic-but-cold/