So Who Are You? – Part Two

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Today’s Blog Post


So Who Are You? – Part Two
In my ‘community engagement opportunities’ I have found a new and interesting level of connection. It is that next step after the initial introductions.

It is, “What do you do?” Or… “What did you do in your working career?”

At the Mall each Wednesday…
Yesterday I had dozens of people come by my Table at the Mall. Actually ‘dozens’ is not quite true…. They were coming at about 20 some people each hour – from 10 AM to 4 PM. At the end of the day I went to sleep in the van on the way home as my wife drove… I was pooped! I was engaging the community big time!

The questions are usually asked after the initial conversation about the Tatted Lace or the Wood Carvings I am displaying on the table. The things I display seem to break the ice… and open the conversation.

Being interested in what they do is vital to an on going conversation. It doesn’t take long to tell them what I do… but it is delightful to hear about what they do… and the conversation can go on and on when I ask one of the questions above.

I have discovered that during the day there are many retired people that come by to talk to me… each week. I think it is because I listen. I am really interested in what they do or did.

Some of the men are most interesting in that they had not intended to talk as they walked by… but they stopped and then with a few well placed questions, they begin to talk and talk and talk. Then they come back the next week… or sometimes even that day.

But it is the men that I draw your attention to specifically. No matter what age they are, employed or not, retired or not… “They are what they do” or …. “They are what they did.”

When the question is asked of them a little light flickers on in their eyes and they become what they were as they describe in detail what they did(or do). Seeing that flicker of life… and being willing to sit there and have them tell me what it is all about… is amazing.

One man stopped to look at the carvings I had laid out. He was tall and well groomed. He was older than me by a number of years.

Speaking with him I found out that he had no other relatives here in our city. His kids all lived some where else in Canada. His wife had passed away a number of years ago. He lives in a nearby Senior’s home and is a bit of a loaner.

I will call him “John”.

John told me of his work experience as a Geologist. He had traveled many places in the world for his company looking for valuable minerals including gold and copper. His work took him many places around the globe and also to remote parts of Canada. It was an amazing story to hear.

I doubt that any of the folk that John sits with in the Senior’s home and eats with him at his table even care what he might say. For that reason John is quiet most of the time. He says nothing at all.

But as John and I spoke together, he stood for well over 35 minutes telling his story. I had an extra chair… but he preferred to stand. At 84 years old I thought he should sit… but he told me he does nothing but sit in the Senior’s home.

Now each time John comes by we talk. He stands and I am sitting. I have a new friend.

The questions are great… “What do you do?” Or… “What did you do in your working career?”

But there is something about the questions that are important to know. The response may also be hard to listen to.

For some men it is hard to talk about what you did or do. The “did” folk can still be trapped back then and hate the present because it has nothing to do with the past. When they retired.. they lost their identity… they lost who they were.

The “do” people are younger. And in many cases they are in the Mall because they are not working. Because of a recession problem in our community they lost their jobs. Because of a personal problem they lost their work place… they had been fired.

The “do” people without work are the ones that really want to talk. And yesterday there were a lot of them that wanted to talk.

I have presented many of them with the opportunity to learn how to carve wood – with the idea that maybe they could sell a few things and make a few extra bucks. In some cases there is a flicker of hope in their eyes… the same kind of flicker that comes into the eyes of older men that respond to “did”.

As some of you know I am a “recovering minister” (– see yesterday’s post).

This is kind of a side glance… but I can’t stop thinking about the church and its work in the community. For the most part it does not engage the community in any way. It is isolated and alone. In fact not one of the people I spoke with yesterday even knew where the Huge Church I served in and the Wonderful Job I did at that church over the past 13 years.

The “did” and the “do” people had no interest to come there or need the church. In fact if they did come – no one at the church would have the time to ask the “questions”. They were or would be too busy doing nice Christian stuff, singing nice Christian songs, and listening to a man or woman talk about nice Christian stuff. They are the Church – what do you expect.

Remember I stated I am a “recovering minister” – not turned off… just recovering.

I have found a world that needs to talk… to tell their story… to be engaged. And I am ready to listen.

But I have also found a huge world among the retirees – men in particular – that struggle with their past and have a very difficult time living in this present.

That could happen to me as a retired minister. I know some other ministers that are struggling with this big time. But I don’t need it. What I “do” today is far more important than what I “did” yesterday.

Off to the Gym now… more people to listen to and engage.

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/