Cleaning the Clutter

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Today’s Blog Post


Cleaning the Clutter

Cleaning my desk top is a discovery of a Gold Mine of saved treasures. Some think of it as junk… while I choose to see good stuff. Most of what was there yesterday was outdated – admittedly… but there was lots of good stuff too. Sorting it all out was my main goal.

It was at the third hour and about six inches into the first pile that I discovered the following. It was a simple list that some one gave me at a hard moment in my own life. It happened when some “trusted friends” had done some nasty things to me. It was about the time that I felt lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut. One friend listened to what had happened… and gave me the list.

Did is a word of achievement.
Won’t is word of retreat.
Might is a word of bereavement.
Can’t is a word of defeat.
Ought is word of duty.
Try is a word each hour.
Will is a word of beauty.
Can is a word of power.

Try, Will, Can, and Did happened yesterday. Won’t, Might, Can’t, and Ought all were pushed aside after reigning supreme on my desk top for over two years.

And today it feels better. It evens feels good to get it done… or will feel better when it is all done. There is still more to do.

I realized last evening that there was still way more to do, but the plugging through all the reading and sorting had taken its toll on my reserves. There was a pile of emotions that flooded the little office… that came like waves of the oceans… each piece that was saved had a story behind it… and some deep emotions.

As I have been thinking of what has happened with this small action I have realized that much of what I have now collected over the years needs to be dealt with now.

I think back over the years to the times that we were involved in helping some friends complete the task of cleaning out a loved one’s things after their death. In some cases it was a Father that had also collected things, treasures that he loved, that now meant nothing to him any longer – nor to the kids that were left with the task “to get rid of all that old junk”.

I can’t tell you how many times I shuddered as I witnessed this happening and realized that some day my kids will have to do the same.

I think the same has happened when some one has needed to move and asked me for help. I cannot imagine why they needed to keep all that stuff… that junk… that useless box full of “someday garage sale goodies”! But then I come home and see my own impossible pile… oh boy.

There is a reward to being able to deal with it. That sense of accomplishment is amazing… and today it is still there making me want to deal with the rest – ASAP.

I thought further about this whole clean up and get right mode that is needed now. I have needed that with emotions and thoughts too.

People have come and gone in my life leaving a trail of stuff behind. Their words and actions have left a trail of junk in my mind that makes my cluttered desk top look clean.

Twelve years ago a man that I trusted and admired did some real nasty things to me. His words, actions and intent seemed to destroy many people’s lives. He did his best to knock what I was doing to pieces. At the time I couldn’t imagine how one person could be so nasty, so angry and so downright miserable.

About two years after the initial explosions and all of his actions we met again. He wanted to say he was sorry and tell me so. We both agreed to put it all behind us as much as we could.

There was limited contact over the years with each other. I still lived with the results of what he had done to me.

Towards the end of July 2010 I was demonstrating Tatting in one of the local Malls. I heard a voice call out my name. As I looked up it was this same man and he wanted to talk. When I saw him I greeted him back again.

The conversation wasn’t long as we shared a few things about our individual worlds.

I asked how he was doing. He told me of his battle with cancer and how the doctors had helped him deal with it.

As I listened I heard a different man than the one of 12 years ago. He had changed and so had I.

He told me that they were some more tests that they were doing… and another doctor’s appointment was happening soon.

This past weekend I heard that he had died, two weeks after the Doctor’s report of the cancer in his lungs.

The day I met him he did not have much time left and I think he knew it.

When I heard that report on the past Sunday afternoon, it was a sobering reminder that I need to clean up some of the emotional baggage and emotional piles that are cluttering things inside and outside too.

BUT… some I cannot deal with
There are some people… that need to make nothing short of a public apology for what they did. I struggle with some for sure and have to leave them completely alone… moving away so I am not dealing with it all over again. I admit the pain is very deep… and it is best not to even look in that direction or I will regret what might be said or done! Yikes.

To not see them for what they have done is to be dishonest.

But with God’s grace and love… who knows.

Today my desk top looks easy.

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/