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“Misty Hollow
Carving” was launched in
October 2008
Misty Hollow Digital Images were
launched on September 26, 2012.
“Crop Circles’ Web Site” where all
my images are available.
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On
the Edge of Raw
We all live near a cliff that is
high, dangerous and real. We avoid it.
We walk away from it. We steer clear of its danger. We know what is lingering
there can be aroused at any moment. And the
worst part is that it takes very little to jerk us back to the place that we
stand again at the edge… fearing the worst over again.
Where is the cliff that would drop
us into “Raw’ again?
‘Raw’? What do you mean by ‘Raw’?
‘Raw’is that place where your life
was torn and was brought close to the point of destruction. That point in your
life when things went terribly wrong and you thought it was over.
‘Raw’ is the place we walked away
from. We didn’t die there but felt like we might. In fact it was so bad that we
felt that the world could end and it really wouldn’t matter – and we would love
it if had. But it didn’t – and we survived.
We survived by getting away from
the great cliff of destruction that rises high above the ‘Raw’.
Two things happened to me right
after time elation. I was high and doing well. I was enjoying the moment. Then it happened. Kerbaammm!
This past Saturday I was cleaning
and chucking out stuff… to make room for a change in my life. My little office had become clogged with too
much old stuff. There were files and books and stuff piled everywhere. And to add a little pressure I was trying to
get it cleaned up before my wife returned from her weekend trip.
I lifted one file folder and
looked inside. Kerbaammm! There it was.
I don’t know why I kept it. Maybe I thought that because of what it was and what
was written that I should keep it – just in case I needed to defend myself in the
future.
There written on the printed emails
and scribbled notes were the events of a terrible time in my life. I had accurately
written all that had taken place – all that I saw and heard from my
perspective. OUCH! As I re-read the words that I had written my
soul clouded over again. The deep darkness
of that long ago time in my life swept over me – like a fog coming in from the
sea.
In a matter of moments my cleaning
and straightening and chucking out stopped dead. I was glued to my chair and
couldn’t really move. Yet inside I was being pushed closer and closer to the
gigantic cliff – and at the moment I was riveted to the spot or supreme danger.
‘Raw’ was still there at the bottom of the cliff and I was dangerously close to
falling into it again.
Imagine… it has been years since
the events took place. Some of the creatures
and characters in my horrific ordeal are dead. They are gone completely. Others that were there are not able to speak
any longer and likely don’t remember are very much there… ‘Raw’ was still there for me. And if I walk another step toward the cliff’s
edge – I will be consumed by ‘Raw’ again.
If I am not careful I will drop
into the abyss and not be back for a long time.
Slowly I pushed the papers back
into the file and closed it. With that
closure I moved away from the edge again.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about it… all day long.
Why do I still have the cliff so
nearby? Why can’t I find property in my
mind that is further away from ‘Raw’? I
hate coming close to the cliff’s edge and know what ‘Raw’ would do to me if I
went there. Living over here on Elation
Street is so much better.
Yesterday
morning…
I had closed my own file. I was speaking at church
on Sunday AM. The events of this past Friday in Newtown, Conn., were very much
on my mind. The fact that 20 Grade One
Students died from gun shots from a deranged young person… could not be shaken
from my thoughts.
My task Sunday morning was to preach on our ‘Rejoicing’
– our ability to rejoice even though times are really tough. Our rejoicing is
possible because God is always there… and he has given us so much… particularly
His Son Jesus. Yes I am a Christian and I truly believe this wonderful part of the
Christmas story.
I was describing the Apostle Paul’s story
from Rome as he wrote the letter to the Philippians – and where he instructed
everyone to ‘REJOICE’… in every situation.
I had described how terrible it must have been for the Roman Praetorian Guard
to have to be chained to this little preacher, Paul. I told how I have met guards in our own
prison system that have to spend holidays in prison – looking after the
imprisoned offenders that often very difficult to deal with. I simply described the scene that Paul saw –
yet chose to rejoice.
However… Kerbaammm! It happened again. One
beautiful lady came to after the service was over to tell me what happened to
her when I was speaking. I felt her pain…
and realized that my words… or the topic… or maybe both had dragged her towards
the edge of gigantic cliff and she was staring at ‘Raw’ all over again. Her ‘Raw’ was 30 years old but still churned
at the base of the cliff waiting to consume her all over again.
30 years ago her daughter’s husband, this
lady’s son-in-law was murdered. Her daughter lost the love of life… and the
young family lost it all. She told me quietly
that her daughter has been able to move on… but she realized that she must not
be able to move on… because with the words I used and the way that I spoke… she
was looking at ‘Raw’ again.
It was at that moment that I wished I didn’t
have to leave. I wished that I could speak to her more and encourage her. I wished that maybe in some way I could help.
I almost wish that I was the minister in this church(they are looking for a new
pastor now) but NO I AM RETIRED… and love it.
As she left she told me, “I will have to deal
with it.” I know she will with God’s help.
Oh boy… This lady and myself are the same.
And I suspect that there are likely millions of people that live just like we
do.
No I don’t have an answer any more than Paul
did as he said, “Rejoice” – ‘focus on God and the rest will fall into place.’
I shut the file. Pushed it under another now
orderly pile…and will leave it for another few years before I take another peek. I need to build more good gardens and places
of wonder for my family. I need to not
go there – near the cliff….
How about you? How are you doing?
~ Murray Lincoln ~
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2 comments:
Some things are not to be gotten over. They are broken reminders of losses that go beyond our ability to fix. There will be times for us to unveil/reveal the truth but that doesn't make the loss less real, but it does invite a few others into our lives.
What I'm a little saddened by was your reaction of this congregation in needing a pastor to deal with their raw. I'm guessing that there are people there who have been in the faith for more years than many ministers have been alive. And yet they are not looked to for the pillar of strength and compassion that should now be plain to all.
And this, makes the raw seem even worse for it highlights how tragic our preaching about rejoicing in our saviour truly is.
I am aware of the Leadership and know the Leadership very well. I believe that much was done to 'preach' and 'live' out a message of rejoicing. I also know that some people will hold the pain inside - privately suffering and terribly alone... until the moment that comes and they open up... at a "God moment". What really was important in my simply account is - I listened and was there at the right time.
Personally as I went through my own horror and 'Raw' was created I had some that I could listen to and would listen to me...
Thanks for your comment.
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