Papa and Mama Martigny's Home– and the End of the World

Misty Hollow Carving

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Today’s Blog Post

Papa and Mama Martigny's Home– and the End of the World

It is hard to come home this time.

In a short few days I feel like we have been to the other side of the world and back again. This morning when I woke up I was not sure where I was at first. It was a few minutes before I connected the dots. It truly felt as if I had been in another world and was not home yet.

How do I possibly explain the experience?

On Friday we stepped out of Canada and back into a time about 200 years ago as we walked into the home of Papa and Mama Martigny. The Martigny family arrived in the Montreal area from France with 7 children about 40 years ago. Since that time they had 2 more.

Papa found this ancient home at the far end of one of the Islands near Montreal. Just down the road there is a place that is entitled locally, “the end of the world”, in that it is as far as one go on the island. To the east there is nothing but fast flowing water coming from your right and left as two huge river systems converge around the tip.

We stepped back in time as we came to take part in the Wedding of Papa and Mama’s daughter Valerie. Valerie married Glenn on Saturday to start their new life together.

Valerie’s 8 siblings were there with their mates and some of the children to support them, along with many of their friends.

At the family home there may have been up to 18 people sleeping within the house, the RV and the trailer that were parked beside the 200 year old home.

In the kitchen each morning we gathered for breakfast… lots of us… all hungry at the same time. That was the same on Friday night for the meal we had together – but not everyone was there yet.

The kitchen alone is big enough to have about 10 or so milling around doing their part to prepare for everyone else. Words cannot really tell you what a kitchen in a 200 year old house is like – except to say that there were two stove tops, gas and electric, two wall mounted ovens and also a stone oven for making bread. The ladle that went into the bread oven was about 7 feet in length – so you can reach way back into the oven to retrieve your loaves.

Papa and Mama Martigny are older now and with a few aches and pains. This is specially true after a terrible car accident in about 2004 where both came close to death. Mama was the most serious as she was on life support for a period of time.

You would never know that they were their age if you would have been at the wedding. Mama was right their in the middle dancing up a storm with her kids and grandkids. Her long white hair was in a tight knot as she flew around that floor. Not bad for some one in her 80s!

Now just in case you think it was a waltz… NOT! It was pure and simple, rock and roll mixed with modern music from a fast paced DJ that grinned when Mama took to the floor. The strobe lights and laser beams bounced off her hair and every one there!

There is too much to tell… way too much. I have been to the end of the world… and just returned.

On Sunday morning I rose early to listen to the peaceful rain drops following in the old roof of their cottage. I looked out the four different window to see the beauty of Quebec. The sea gulls called loudly the from the river across the road. Later the church bells pealed out their welcome to the people still snuggled in bed… it was a slow Sunday Morning and the Martigny Clan was coming to life from the many different bedrooms upstairs and down. The floor boards creaked in that old house as soft feet started another day… and I could smell coffee coming from way down in the kitchen…

I wish I could take you there… I truly do.

Papa Martigny spoke with me through his one son-in-law. “I am very sorry that I cannot speak with you clearly. I regret that I could not learn to speak English. I was too old. I bought the records and books, but couldn’t speak. But meeting you this weekend makes me want to speak English. I am so sorry.”

Papa Martigny’s first name is Noel… and with that I can say that I have truly met “Pere Noel” – Father Christmas in the English way of describing it.

Noel is also a wood worker. His daughter Valerie had often told me, “You are like my father. You and he have a lot in common. You both work with wood.”

Valerie especially told me that when she saw my garage.

When I saw Noel’s wood shop I also agreed. Amazing – simply amazing. Dust, dust, dust… and wood chips all over! Heaven!

Before leaving I gave Papa one of my hand carved leaves. There were big tears in his eyes. Mama thanked me for the gift… for them. He quickly told her that the gift was from me to him…!

There is more to this story… far more than I can tell today…

I left part of my heart in a 200 or so year old house… with two new friends, Papa and Mama Martigny. I have visited Old France and I have been to the end of the world. And I have a lump in my throat today.

Oh Boy!

(more coming tomorrow… way more…)

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

The Place of Peace… St. Lawrence Bed & Breakfast, Morrisburg, Ontario

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Today’s Blog Post

The Place of Peace… St. Lawrence Bed and Breakfast, Morrisburg, Ontario
The house across the street from where I am sitting was built in 1813. Some along the same road were built in 1850, 1865, 1880 and 1890. The one that we are staying in was built in 1910 – only one hundred years ago – relatively new for the road.

The place is Morrisburg, Ontario and the home is the St. Lawrence Bed and Breakfast. Our hosts are Gail and Peter McCooeye along with “Boots”, a German Short Haired Pointer that is super friendly.

The hospitality is wonderful. Econo Lodge, Holiday Inn and any other commercial place along the way will never offer the kindness that Gail and Peter have by opening their gracious home to us. We feel blessed and we feel family. It is like coming home.

As you walk on the one hundred year old floors they creak and pop. The wood work and the trim and the decoration makes you feel like you have stepped back in time. What an experience!

I am so far away from Hong Kong, from Toronto, from Montreal, and from any where busy that I have lived in, it is hard to wrap your thoughts around it all.

Last evening Alida and I sat on the dock that jutted out into the St. Lawrence River. The birds on the island out from where we sat never stopped chattering. The Canadian Geese that glided by looking at us carefully. The river was smooth and strong. There was complete peace.

This morning early I have been sitting and listening to crows talking to each other outside the windows of the second floor porch/sunroom – that is just off our bedroom. The white wicker furniture reminds me of days long gone. They also creak and crackle as I shift my weight.

In a few minutes we will go down to the front porch for breakfast with Boots. He is a moocher as I was told last night… and I love this dog!

This is a pause day on our way to the busy city of Montreal for an amazing weekend with our friend Valerie. Valerie is getting married to Glenn.

Between now and then I will have to gather my French from the back corners of my old mind… as we will be staying in another Bed and Breakfast, Valerie’s Dad and Mom’s place. They are from France and have not totally integrated to the Canadian ways. Valerie told me his is an amazing wood worker and she thinks we will get along very well.

Bed and Breakfast is an amazing way to go.

I have to run now Breakfast is soon ready…

Gail is an amazing lady to talk with. She is lay minister in the beautiful United Church just down the street. We have shared an amazing evening together already… I hope you can meet Gayle someday!

Gotta run…

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/ 

Source:
http://www.bedandbreakfast.com/on-morrisburg-stlawrencebedbreakfast.html
http://www.bbcanada.com/4485.html

Superstition, Bad People and 0888 888 888

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Today’s Blog Post

Superstition, Bad People and 0888 888 888
So are you superstitious?

Do you watch what you are doing because it is bad luck to do the wrong thing? Like maybe stepping on a sidewalk crack? Maybe opening an umbrella in the house? Or dropping a pair of gloves inside… if you happen to do these things you must do something to protect yourself.

My mother-in-law was that way. I popped an umbrella open in the house and she nearly died on the spot!

Here is a strange story…
“TELEPHONE bosses have suspended a mobile number after it emerged that every person who called it has died within five years.

According to The Sun, the last victim of 0888 888 888 was drug smuggler Konstantin Dishliev, who was gunned down in Bulgarian capital Sofia.

Before that, mafia boss Konstantin Dimitrov was shot dead in Holland, it says.

Original owner Vladimir Grashnov, the former boss of Bulgarian telecoms firm Mobitel, died of cancer allegedly caused by radioactive poisoning.”

I am seriously going to add this to my answering machine … someday… specially about dinner time when the telephone people call with their offers. I will warn them that they may die for calling my number.

The Chinese however would try everything in their power to get that number as the number 8 sounds like LUCK and with that much LUCK(that many 8s) who could lose.

Our lives are funny that way. Most of us have a history that is filled with family stuff, heritage things that we deal with regularly. Some of it we believe and the rest we don’t.

Even good and religious people have baggage that they bring into their lives daily. It is stuff from the past that sticks.

I want to get rid of all of it – somehow.

As a minister and in active service… certain Sundays would come along and Brother Miserable and/or Sister Mad would come to church. The cloud around me would be heavy. I could never figure out how they might get me down again. It truly was bad luck to have them there. But it was not so bad for me as was for Brother Miserable, in that he was married to Sister Mad.

There are people that are a blessing to me. Having stated that there are some that are not. That kind are Bad People I think… and I don’t need them around. I bet you have them too… negative to the max, ornery to nines, and ugly in the deepest parts.

Today I resolve to be with happy people… not the angry ones. In fact I have chosen to make my life better that way.

Today I will try to be a blessing to someone else.

How about you?

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

Mr. Lu… Mr. Lu… Mr. Lu I am sorry for you

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Today’s Blog Post


Mr. Lu… Mr. Lu… Mr. Lu I am sorry for you
There are so many ways to start this short report/reflection on Mr Quang Lu – where do you start?

He was a bad man. Many people disliked him deeply. His parents must have loved him and helped him to a certain stage in his life – but then he made choices that messed others up.

He was a big dealer and a big “roller” in the under world where piles of money can be made – but most is on the edge of something not totally legal.

He definitely made many angry and perhaps even destroyed many lives. He did this by being a Loan Shark to presumably other Chinese/Asian folk that played the Casinos. When they ran out of money he was there to help fund their next few hours in the Casino until they lost all that money and then needed more.

One can imagine that Mr. Lu took possession of a number of properties and destroyed many families.

To say that he likely had enemies is an understatement! In fact one enemy was angry enough that he took Mr. Lu and placed him in a barrel, filled it with cement covering him and then placed him in the water off the Toronto harbour front. This ugly, aging, rusty barrel has been there in the water from about 2007.

Some one called the police lately, perhaps this week and let them know that Mr. Lu was resting peacefully at the edge of Toronto’s drinking water. Maybe the caller was concerned about water quality or something like that. Hmm?

Perhaps the caller had a change of heart and knowing that most Asian people need to have a proper grave and that their Spirits will come back to do someone great harm if not properly taken care of… giving a definite clue that the Tipster was likely Asian as well.

And in all likelihood the caller was close by when that barrel went splashing into Lake Ontario.

A splash must have occurred if it went over board filled with cement. It would also not go over board without either a hoist or a number of very strong men lifting it. So… many men were likely involved.

When they lifted the barrel from the water they had to use a hoist to clear the water. It was heavy.

Everyone that watches TV Cop shows know that you can’t easily fit a full sized man into the barrel either dead or alive… so he must be taken apart to fit into the barrel. Here is another clue – someone took him apart piece by piece and then placed him in his metal casket… along with enough cement that would encase him. Some one has a pretty dark memory and conscience problem.

I mean there are so many angles to look at… I wish I was a cop at times.

I know that I wouldn’t like being a Coroner… or the person that has to chip away the cement piece by piece finding a section of Mr Lu at a time. It will be a really slow job to say the least.

My guess is that more than two someone-s knew what was going on. And they all knew the reason why.

And if I know that much, the police know more.

My wife stated the obvious question for all of us, “Doesn’t it make you wonder how they can find out all the stuff that they do when they solve the case?!?”

In all seriousness I do think of someone that loved Mr. Lu. He must have parents that are deeply grieving. He has someone that will attend the final resting place, the proper grave that he will be given.

Mr. Lu I am sorry for you.

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

Source:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/toronto/police-identify-remains-in-barrel-as-those-of-missing-markham-man/article1580347/

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/toronto/story/2010/05/25/toronto-barrel-body452.html

Marc Emery – the Patron Saint of Bud

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Today’s Blog Post

Marc Emery – the Patron Saint of Bud

I have never done Pot. I have been in the room when others have smoked it and with that probably have inhaled some of the smoke… but with no effect that I know of.

My mother-in-laws’ chain smoking of the other kind of cigarettes likely did far more damage to my being – but then I married her daughter – and loves kills more than cigs do.

The announcement today that Marc Emery has pleaded guilty to selling marijuana seeds to American Customers and that there was a deal struck with the prosecutors is a major one.

The other day in our City on Water Street, in the Park, in front of our Court House stood about a dozen or so people flashing signs for cars that drove by. Their signs appealed to someone to be more aware of the affairs of Marc. The protest was all about Marc Emery. But the dear Seniors on Peterborough would have little idea of what was going on.

The people in the park were having a good time I am sure… happy… and laughing a lot. I doubt that they felt much of anything – and there was some smoke rising from their group.

I think that is why they call it a “Pot Party’.

The article I read today comes under the title of “The Prince of Pot Heading to Prison”.

Last week my wife and I watched a TV show that told of the tremendous industry in British Columbia where “BC Bud” is grown by dozens upon dozens of people in the interior. Even the smallest producer of the BC Bud makes a good living. One young man they followed with their cameras was guessing that he would clear about $70,000 this year if the crop went well and nothing disturbed it – like RCMP Officers or other folk that would steel his crop.

Bud is a big crop and a multimillion dollar producer wherever it is growing.

In our area now we have many new and rich fields that provide great places to produce the crops. We hear of more and more crops being discovered not far from the city.

The whole thing begs the question, how long will it be before the kindly old senior with the happy little garden plot gets into the production? I mean they have the time and they also have a good image that would not be suspected. They are not the Biker Type or the Dirty Long Hairs… they are grandpas and grandmas that are relatively innocent of any crime.

Without a doubt it is the Big Op folk that get nailed. They plant hundreds of seeds and then come back when it is ready to harvest.

Grandpa could have a few nice little plants in his garden that no one would ever know about.

Think of it… Grand Dad’s Bud… could be a winner.

No I am not promoting it – just musing.

In a day and age when the cost of living is rising and the pain of unemployment is so great that – it can happen. When enough people are desperate… stuff happens.

I know many people that live in BC and have no jobs. This is survival. And now in Ontario it is similar in conditions of the E.I world.

If you have tried to make a go of E.I. you will understand how desperate the feeling is. I have been there – and met many of the people that have lost everything – going from having it all to now being questioned by people behind counters… with suggested accusations of your deception.

Bud is a possibility for many.

No I do not intend to make Marc my hero. I will not join the crowd and shout to the Seniors driving by.

But I certainly understand.

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

Source:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/british-columbia/prince-of-pot-heading-to-prison/article1579598/

Pure Joy… Absolute Delight… Can it get any better?

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Today’s Blog Post

Pure Joy… Absolute Delight… Can it get any better?

This morning early I woke with a smile on my face. I immediately thought back to the wonderful opportunity that was offered to me when I received a phone call from a fellow minister. He had been given my number by another friend, as a possible person to do Pulpit supply in his church. That call was about two months ago.

His church is the St John’s Presbyterian Church in Port Perry. His need was to have some one to do Pulpit Supply for the part of April and May while he prepared for his retirement – taking a vacation towards the end of his tenure.

Yesterday was the Fourth Sunday of my Pulpit Supply for St. Johns church.

Now unless you’re involved in church in some way you may not have known that it was Pentecost Sunday that was being celebrated by churches all over the world. All the scriptures read, and the songs chosen were related to the Scripture Text in Acts Chapter 2. And as some of you know that was the account given by Dr. Luke of what happened in an upper room with 120 people being filled with the Holy Spirit.

“Acts” is one of the most exciting stories that I know of in the New Testament. Definitely the entire account written of by Dr. Luke, the whole of the Acts, is filled with powerful drama and stories of God intervening in people’s lives with His Holy Spirit!

Acts 2 is the basis of the Pentecostal church’s foundation. It tells all about people being transformed and set on fire… coming alive and going into a world that is hurting. Well… how can I explain it to you? For 35 years of preaching I get more than a little bit excited about Acts 2. When I discovered the work of the Holy Spirit personally – MY LIFE CHANGED BIG TIME!!!!!!

Now here is the possible report that may appear in a Port Perry newspaper this week…

“Congregation Set on Fire”
The Port Perry News
May 23, 2010 – Pentecost Sunday – St Johns Presbyterian Church –

The Rev. Murray Lincoln, a retired Pentecostal Minister, was ministering in the St. Johns Presbyterian Church of Port Perry, Ontario, this past Sunday. The music was exceptional. The Pianist, Oksana, was brilliant as she played for the service. The spirit of the service was so much appreciated by all. The friendliness and openness of the church was felt by members and visitors alike.

During the service there was a startling disruption. Rev. Lincoln was apparently caught up in the service and the events taking place within the service. It was at this ‘caught up moment’, with the wonderful singing and the words being read that he suddenly, without any warning, said with a very loud voice, “AMEN! Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!”

It was at that moment a Dear Sister sitting in the audience, a member of the church for many years, was startled and then giggled. Others were startled by this sudden outburst by this visiting minister.

Rev. Lincoln definitely appeared to have had a lapse in his decorum and liturgical order that he should have been following at that point. “To say he was ‘caught up in the Spirit’ would be a good way to describe it”, one Elder shared following the service.

As Rev. Lincoln stepped into the Pulpit he began his sermon by sharing with the congregation that it truly was a unique moment that on Pentecost Sunday the Presbyterian Church would have a Pentecostal Minister filling the Pulpit. He also gently warned them that he may get a little bit excited with his topic – Pentecost.

The congregation listened intently to what was being said. They laughed, giggled and had a good time with the Preaching that was offered. Their eyes popped open as Rev. Lincoln became a little more than ‘the ordinary’ with his excitement. The best way to describe it was the look on someone’s face as the Roller Coaster at the Amusement Park goes over the top on the highest point on the rails… “Whoooie!”

Now as most people in Port Perry know, the St. Johns folk are not known for going “Whoooie” in their pews.

Using a quote from a famous Movie Series entitled Star Trek, the St. Johns Presbyterian Church went “Where no man has gone before!” or perhaps that is “Where No Presbyterian has gone for a quite a while…”

Rev. Lincoln apparently, from all appearances, truly believes what he is preaching about. The man does get caught up in the Spirit at times – Ahem.

His prayer of Blessing on the St. Johns Presbyterian Church was well received and much appreciated. He called on God, in a very Pentecostal fashion, to pour out God’s great blessing upon the church and that it might become a great blessing to the people of Port Perry, that the new church facility would be a blessing to the Youth and Children of Port Perry, and that God would move in a powerful way among the congregation.

The reporter would best say, “Whoooie!” to that prayer. It was again what the congregation apparently felt. This was Pentecost Sunday!

Finally, the question to be asked is, “Has Pentecost come to St Johns? What will this congregation react with this new “Whooie”? Could it be that they might start losing their decorum and/or their liturgical order?
End or the report/article…

Back to the real world...
I am not making light of what happened at St. Johns Presbyterian church. God did something in a wonderful way over this past month. Personally as a Pastor, I was overwhelmed by their kindness. Their wish for God’s Blessing in our lives was wonderful.

One lady gripped my hand with tears in her eyes at the end of the service yesterday. She said, “Each time you have preached your sermons I get a tear in my eye. They are good tears. Thank you.” As she spoke there was another tear forming and she gripped my hand tightly.

My wife, Alida, told me later that this lady had shared with her that a close friend’s daughter had just discovered she had cancer. It was a touching moment as the two shared with each other.

I was blessed with their comments and encouragement for me personally.

This church is responsive and open. My guess is that God is about to stir in them a new and wonderful “Presbyterian Blessing”… that will definitely bless Port Perry and the surrounding area.

As I completed the service I offered a different Benediction… “May you got out of this place and do great damage to the Kingdom of Satan and may the Blessing of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit go with each of you! AMEN!”

I was blessed – more than anyone else.

BUT – hey… it was Pentecost Sunday. Read the Book of Acts in the New Testament and see if you can sit still… by the way… that was the Homework Assignment I gave the congregation for this week.

As some of St Johns church folk are likely going to read this Blog – I say Thank YOU from the Bottom of My Heart – you folks have blessed me richly!

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

Anarchists are Idiots – Protestors I can handle – Anarchists are Idiots

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This BLOG is sponsored by “Misty Hollow Carving”. You are welcome to visit Misty Hollow and see all of my carvings.

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Today’s Blog Post

Anarchists are Idiots – Protestors I can handle – Anarchists are Idiots

If you hear that I am missing some day soon, it will be because I have taken a strong stand against the Idiots called Anarchists that I read about – and see on TV.

Like the kind looking “Grandma type” lady the other night that was eFin this and eFin that as she described what they were eFin going to do with their protests.

She was one the first Idiots that spoke on their deep desire to cause conflict for the Government in the upcoming G8 and G20 meetings in Canada. She also doesn’t look like the athletic type that will be attacking the different sites in Ontario… to drive out the evil Politicians and World Leaders from our sacred lands.

Then another group of Idiots spoke with a Fire Bomb of the RBC bank in Ottawa… putting themselves and others at risk… shutting down business and causing much damage to the area… and fear in the lives of neighbours. Real Anarchist heroes!

Most of my Canadian Friends and Neighbours think little of these Idiots. The best thought they give it is like thinking of the Mosquitoes or Black Flies that we all deal with in Ontario at this time of year. They are there around you but if you put enough smelly stuff on – they will go a way. And if you are really lucky you can kill a few before they bite you.

I do not promote killing a few Anarchists, but a good zapper might work… or some really smelly stuff that will keep them away.

I am amazed at the care and precautions that the Government of Canada is exercising to keep the World Leaders safe and allow for this meeting to take place in our province. It is costing a Gazillion Dollars as they protect themselves against the Terrorist Threats – and Anarchist Threats.

Yesterday’s Toronto Star Newspaper helped Ontario folk know what is going on by publishing the photo below. This is land cleared in the Mosquito and Black Fly country to just house the security people that will be patrolling the area around the Deerhurst Lodge, near Huntsville, Ontario.

The meeting will involve the G8 Leaders… get that 8 Leaders only… and will require that many people to protect them… just because the Idiots have arrived.

When my wife and I were at the Deerhurst Conference Centre last year there were many plain clothes RCMP already there working the area. The guy sitting next to us had a gun bulging from his waist. He was open to share with us the great concern they already had for the Idiots that would definitely come to the area… to cause destruction and disaster where they could. They were in action one year in advance… getting ready for Idiots.

Most are Canadian Idiots… that will appear from no where shouting, screaming and trying to make a complete nuisance of themselves. The other Idiots will be stopped at the Border as they try to enter our country… if they are known. But the odd eFin Grandmotherly Type may sneak through that overly guarded border as a Tourist.

The Star newspaper gave the map of all the controlled roads and access places to Deerhurst in there paper yesterday. Kind of a warning to the Idiots that there is no way on God’s Green Earth that you will get near this compound of 8 Leaders.

The area near Hunstville is easier to take care of than Toronto is – where the G20 (that is the G8 folk plus 12 more G People) will gather right afterwards. Barriers are now being erected as well in the City to keep the Idiots at bay. They have actually set up temporary “jails” or holding facilities to house the Anarchists – Protestors and all round fools that show up to mess with the folks from G20 countries.

They have warned that any luxury cars that show up or on the streets near the G20 potential protest zones – will likely be trashed or worse yet destroyed. I am thinking of taking my Van down there and parking it… but the shape it is – the security forces will suspect a Van Bomb!

How do they deal with Idiots?
Well at this point they have used a prevention tactic… planning to disallow the Idiots to get closer than they should.

One security fence/wall near Deerhurst has cost Canadians about $3.9 Million… and it is temporary only. That is only one wall. Toronto already has a huge number of fenced walls set up and more going up daily until the conference takes place.

Add to that the security personnel get paid like we do… and they are paid a lot to do what they do.

Go back and look at the photo again… see the tiny cars… then realize that this is a huge city of rooms housing thousands upon thousands of men and women that are there for one reason… Canada has Idiots roaming the countryside with the intent of causing harm to others.

And few of us are saying anything about the IDIOTS.

In the Years before the Second World War people saw Idiots screaming and steaming in Germany. These Idiots had a leader that gained power and then continued to exercise that power until he caused destruction and death for millions. Millions upon Millions suffered because of those Idiots – they were called Nazis.

I am thankful for my Government that protects me against these Idiots as well.

Four Simple Solutions…
1.  Give the Idiots no Press/Media Coverage… don’t report what they do. They lights their fire and encourages more fame for Idiots… if it is reported on…
2.  Let them go closer to the site in Hunstville – on foot. And if they really want to get there and get close by, make them take off their clothing and shoes – at least 95% of it(underwear is enough) and then take on the Mosquitoes and Black Flies that are waiting… The last mile of walking will serve the purpose…
3.  Give them no medical help at the hospitals when they break a leg or twist their ankles running at the police…
4.  Or – simply wait of them at the Hospital as they come in for help…

Am I concerned about our Government and our Leaders? Sure I am. But then the Idiots are a new force that I am having to deal with – like it or not… and they are Idiots.

If enough real, Canadians stand up and tell these Idiots that we don’t want what they offer maybe they will go away.

So all you IDIOTS our there – the Anarchist types - See ya! You are not really welcome in my Canada!

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

Slurp… Slurp… Slurp… I have been Pac-Man-ized again

Misty Hollow Carving
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Today’s Blog Post

Slurp… Slurp… Slurp… I have been Pac-Man-ized again

I am sure that I heard the sound of my Computer and that silly game sucking my mind out. The Brain particles slid up the straw into Pac-Man’s colourful mouth. It all happened to the silly tune and siren sounds as my little yellow Pac-Man was gobbled up by its enemies… then it informed me that I had lost one more time.

I just pulled myself away from the idiot game after 30 minutes of the rising anxiety in my chest and shoulders. That had come along after the first two or three games… just like the old days – 30 years ago.

That was 1980 – the same year that we left for Hong Kong… the gaming capital of the world at that time. The small computer games were everywhere and easy to buy. Nintendo mostly… but there were other ones as well.

I cannot fathom how many trillions of hours this week and this past two days that Pac-Man has again been played.

If you opened your Google Search Engine in your browser you will have seen the miniature Pac-Man game in the logo for Google – in fact this Google Pac-Man that has everyone trying to win.

I am not good at it for sure. But with my little bit of practice I reached over 6000 points before my little guy was eaten. That was into the second level. I clicked out of it and found my back and neck tight. I needed to shrug my shoulders to get the freedom back.

Sheesh this little game is addicting. I knew that and have generally escaped it – but then there I am relapsing again.

What a contrast from the stillness of Lang Pioneer Village of two days ago!

The funny thing is that in the Ontario area, on most Fridays, of any given weekend – hoards of people escape the cities to go to the cottages or trailers. They entered the huge highway system across our province to head out to cottage country.

We live on the edge of cottage country and even the people from our city head out of to their place of refuge.

Watching the news reports last evening and seeing the long line of vehicles three across on most big highways made that rising anxiety feeling come back again. Looking at the other road systems with just single lanes revealed an endless line of slow moving cars going to a place of retreat.

Now something is odd about the picture. Everyone is heading to the same isolated spot in our province to share small spaces around an over crowded lake front. The odd thing is that the stillness of the country is now busier than the city. The quiet roads of our communities are busier than the rush hour traffic of the city.

I think most of the Loons that live on our lakes head to the city so they can hear themselves.

I am sure that Pac-Man was invented by someone that headed to the cottage each weekend. I am absolutely sure of that. By getting people into the small and silly game, producing the anxiety levels achieved when they drive to the country on a busy weekend, then getting them to do it over and over again… they have kept the Friday Afternoon drive alive.

So you are pure, free, holy even… you don’t play anything past the speed of scrabble – right? Good for you.

The sound of Slurping sound is back again. I think that I can break through to the third level… before breakfast…

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

What Happens when Stillness comes

Misty Hollow Carving
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Today’s Blog Post

What Happens when Stillness comes

Yesterday I spent the entire day with my friend Sherwood. We worked together in an ancient shop that began in 1856. The Peace surrounding us was amazing. The stillness that enveloped us was almost enough to take your breath away.

At a certain point there was a stillness that is almost unimaginable. Even the countryside around the old shop was still… not even a bird was singing. It isn’t often that you are able to know such a moment in life of 2010.

Not every moment was still however. Sherwood and I became the 1856 carpenters for a host of Youth that had traveled from all across Canada for the National Science Fair competition in Peterborough. These kids were typically bright.

Some of the Youth that I talked to tried to explain their Science experiments/projects that they had transported from their home areas – ranging from Newfoundland to British Columbia – and from the top of Canada to the bottom. They came from big cities and big schools to the smaller schools in Canada from tiny communities. But their effort to explain was hard as they had to “dumb down” for me to understand. Yikes!

This was their day off and they had decided to come and see something of history.

Normally when we have children come from the earlier years of life their attention span is not terribly long. They are bright too, but younger than these Youth. The questions the Youth of yesterday had more depth… sometimes even more thoughtful than the adults that stand in our shop.

The adult’s most often stated thought is, “I remember my Grandpa having that kind of machine or that kind of tool…”

The Youth in turn would state, “Why does it work like that or do that?” or “How does it work?” or “Can I try to make it go?”

I should mention here that these students rolled in on giant buses rented just for them to come this distance to Lang Pioneer Village at Lang, Ontario.

The logistics of the day was unique in that the students came in two groups – one in the morning and one in the afternoon… with a two hour gap in between the morning and afternoon session.

It was at that two hour pause that I became aware of the absolute stillness. As Sherwood and I sat waiting we heard the nothingness.

On a comical side, just after the Youth of the afternoon group walked out of the shop Sherwood told me about the fact that soon he will not be able to hear at all… and pointed to his hearing aids. These amazing little gadgets that he listens with just told him that the battery was low and would soon die… and then it did.

In a 1856 Carpenter Shop about a half hour drive by car from the city, there are no hearing aid batteries. Kind of funny.

In the quietness we shared Sherwood began to talk about times of long ago. We were sitting beside the now quiet Stove. His thoughts drifted back to his boyhood days often. The memories were rich and the rolled.

I had share with the Youth that came in that the Stove was the Internet of 1856 – it was the original Social Network in Canada. It is not Facebook or Twitter or Email or even the computer/cell phone that we have today. The Stove was where the men gathered to talk and be warmed.

Sherwood spoke, “I remember the old stove that my Dad used to sit beside in his shop with his friends. The men would sit just like you said around the fire and talk. I was a little boy then and I remember…”

Sherwood is in his mid 80s now… and boyhood is a long way back there over many years of life. Yet the memories flooded back again and again.

Sherwood had brought along his father’s old tools The bag of tools that we opened in the shop yesterday were well over 100 years old… in fact it was about 100 years ago that a young Mr. Martin, Father of Sherwood, had traveled as a “Cooper” to the Apple Orchard areas of Ontario to make Barrels for the Apple Producers.

“Dad was able to make 100 Barrels a day. He was good at what he did.” Sherwood said quietly. “Look at the Hammer… see the worn spot… that was from his thumb and fingers gripping the handle…”

I turned the different apparatus over and looked at each part. One piece of Copper’s Tools was a wood plane for shaving off the barrel top. It was a modified plane of sorts. Where wood planes normally have a metal blade – this one did not. Instead the Blade was made of Iron Wood. The grain of the wood was very clear on the blade and the edge of the blade was very sharp – even after 100 years and many years before that of usage. In fact you could cut yourself on the edge now!

In the 1856 Carpenter Shop there are Barrels that were hand made by the Coppers of long ago. As Sherwood looked around he pointed to one Barrel that sat in the corner, “There is a Barrel just like Dad used to make!”

In fact we found two such barrels – both in not very good shape.

In an old wheel barrel that was sitting in the corner, was a pile of hand carved small boards together with some wooden hoops. It was a bucket that had fallen apart… a small barrel like structure that would have been used to carry smaller amounts of garden produce perhaps.

Sherwood and I began to try to putting it together. All the while Sherwood told me more stories… and amazing stories they were.

After perhaps 20 minutes of trying the bucket suddenly popped into its right shape and “Voila!” it was a bucket again! Amazing!

Sherwood was as amazed as I was as we sat looking at the bucket. He said, “Dad was able to make 100 of these a day!”

It had taken us, using our four hands helping each other, over 20 minutes. Sherwood again offered, “We need a plate put under the bottom of the barrel to hold it up high enough… then we need some wood frames for the outside of the staves to hold them in place… that way you can put them in place and then place the hoops over the outside… I wish I would have watched my Dad make the barrels.”

This little bucket brought out more stories.

These memories flooded back after pauses of the stillness in the shop.

Amazing Memories and Amazing Stillness… amazing.

These words today will never accomplish what I need them to do – relate to you what two friends experience alone in a shop of 1856. Even the visitors like the Youth or the Adult Sponsors and Teacher than came with them – would ever know the great joy that Sherwood and I experienced yesterday.

I have been to “my 1856 shop” many times over these past years as a volunteer… and it has been a joy. But yesterday it was different… I had shared my wonderful moments with a very dear friend… and… well… when the stillness came… it was amazing… and when we remembered “Dad” and looked at his old tools… we shared the moment together.

A few weeks ago Sherwood said Goodbye to his wonderful wife Helen. After the pauses and the stillness he shared more about the most beautiful woman in his life… and the moments around the old Stove were… well… amazing.

Thanks Sherwood for being apart of my life. I am a rich man with friends like you.

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/ 

Skip Skip Skip to my Loo

Misty Hollow Carving
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Today’s Blog Post

(Photo by Meghan Potkins - National Post)

Skip Skip Skip to my Loo
I am sorry – I just can’t leave this one alone. My wife and I watched this report on TV last evening and we roared! What a Gas! Too Funny! Absolutely amazing that anyone would put this kind of thing in place! Some one sold the idea and another one BOUGHT IT!

Toronto has just unveiled its first automatic pay toilet. The unveiling was yesterday. The cameras and Media folk were plastered around the new apparatus covering the event.

The first man to use the toilet was surrounded by the Media to ask his impressions.

His answer was simple, “The seat was cold.”

Now there is a revelation that will shake the world. One man in a wheel chair climbs out of his warm seated chair and plunks down on the perfectly clean retractable toilet seat(that was just cleaned by an automatic scrubbing and sterilizing), and then declares it “COLD”.

The happening was reported widely across our Nation.

And the Toilet only cost $400,000 each… and there will be a lot of them installed! The company that won the contract is guaranteed a 20 year contract.

Now I can’t leave this one alone.

The reaction started flying in soon after the report was filed…
For example…
* “First pay toilet lands in Toronto today… paying to pee? Geez louise, what’s next… Air!?”
* “I need more sleep. I thought I just read about a $400,000,00 toilet the Mayor just bought!”
* “Toronto’s first pay toilet opens to rave reviews today… Ppl giving it a 10/10. I’d give it a number 2”

People in Saskatchewan thought you folk in Toronto were nuts to start with… you have just proved every suspicion that they have ever had.

Now it costs only a Quarter to Pee or do the other. And the best part is that you need to do it fairly fast. When the 20 minute mark arrives you dare not be seated and reading that last chapter… because the door automatically swishes open. Ta Da… you are on candid camera… or facing the next person that is waiting for that 20 minutes for their turn.

Don’t go in there if you are constipated – plain and simple.

And there is another “DON’T”… don’t rush in there right after the last guy… because not only does the toilet flush… so does the whole toilet… by spraying a jet of water across the floor to flush out the last dude’s cigarette butts or whatever.

And one more DON’T comes to this former, simple Saskatchewanite’s mind… Don’t go in there in a thunder storm when the power could falter… when the power goes off you will over stay your welcome… or it welcomes you until the power comes back on.

I can’t think of anywhere I would less like to be than a $400,000 toilet, door shut tight, lights all off and now way to get out. There was no mention of an escape hatch.

The airplanes that I travel on have a bar that you pull to get out and a inflated slide to bounce down on. The elevator in the tall building has ceiling trap door to let me get out.

But a ground floor toilet doesn’t need these apparatus to eject the sitter.

Now, any one from Saskatchewan knows that it is cold in the winter – very cold. And out house is not somewhere you want to go in unless you really have to… it is too darn cold. And folk out west know that most everything they own freezes up solid when it drops below Minus 25 C. When it goes to Minus 45 C – it usually breaks off… or snaps. Add to that any spray or drip of water will make a skating rink.
A $400,000 toilet door that swishes open will likely freeze part way – either on the open or the close cycle. Does Toronto know that?

The Mayor never really thought this through – it is too cold in Canada to make this $400,000 a feasible thing… and 25 Cents for a 20 minute experience in the ultimate toilet is way too cheap.

It will take 1,600,000 people paying 25 cents each to use the crapper to pay off the $400,000. That requires a max of 32,000,000 minutes – or a very long time to see that all happen!

The door on the thing will never last with 3,200,000 times opening and closing.

In my memory, I go back to my early years and the famous outhouse toilets of the west.

Most of the toilets were simple. A simple frame and a few boards loosely placed beside each other, nailed in place and a squeaky door hung in place – that when it banged close it signalled the next person that the toilet was free.

And it was always free – not 25 Cents worth.

My Uncle Max created a two seater. There were two holes cut in the seat so that two people could sit side by side and do their business at the same time. Coming from the city as we did I couldn’t really understand why two people would want to poop together… or pee together… or whatever! Now his toilet was a fancy toilet but no where near $400,000 in price.

As you read these words do you get the feeling that it must be a joke?

This present Mayor, David Miller, is about to retire. This will be his legacy I am sure.

The last Mayor had a whole bunch of colourful Moose all painted many different ways… but that is another story that People in Saskatchewan still shake their heads in wonder when you tell it.

So today… the old song “Skip, Skip, Skip to my Loo…” has a whole new meaning for me.

Imagine $400,000 for one super toilet! Sheesh! I can’t wait!

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

Source:
http://news.nationalpost.com/2010/05/19/torontos-new-automatic-pay-toilet-is-flush-tastic-but-cold/

Life is 10 Percent what happens to me and 90 Percent what I do

Misty Hollow Carving
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Today’s Blog Post

Life is 10 Percent what happens to me and 90 Percent what I do
When Jay called me I listened. I am at a loss what I can do to make any difference. I have just heard of the newest account of the Poor House. I have no idea what He will do to survive?

Jay is on ODSP – which is our provinces way of helping people that are unable to help themselves.

We first have “Ontario Works” which is our classy way of saying the person is on Well Fare – no job and dependant on the Government for their income.

The next step is the ODSP which is given to people that because of a physical disability and not being able to work – the Government supports them with a month stipend. This stipend or allowance should be enough to live on – according to the Government.

Jay gets $1200 a month.

From his $1200 a month he pays his rent in a Senior’s Home. That takes $900. If he was living in the community he would pay about $550 – which I think is what the Gov Folk allow. But it doesn’t change being in a Senior’s home… he just pays the amount that they set and tries to live on the rest.

The fact is that the Senior’s Home is charging according to his income. Because, as the income is less – he pays less. They are then subsidized by another account in the Gov that “helps” with Jay’s costs.

Of the $1200 per month subtracting the $900 he has $300 left.

Jay is a severe diabetic. With his conditioning progressively worsening he is now blind. This was added to the condition that he has had for long while, when he lays down his blood pressure is at a normal level, when he sits up it drops to one half, when he stands up it goes to one quarter of the norm.

Now add one more thing to the mix, he is now on Dialysis for his failing kidneys. That happens between three to two days a week.

Telling you all that I also need to share that he is on a number of pills for all that his body is going through – and he pays for those pills out of his $1200 a month.

There is no insurance to cover the costs.

Yes he lives in a Senior’s Home now – but he is not a Senior Citizen. If he was his meds in Ontario would be paid for after he pays the first $200 each year.

Jay is 28 years old.

The Meds each month are now running just under $300.

If he buys anything at all, he will have to pay out of nothing… which he has paid out of two stupid credit cards – that he was offered FREE. Imagine – they gave it to him for nothing.

Jay needed to participate in Christmas a few years ago and he charged the stuff to his Credit Card which had a $1000 limit. For two years he has not been able to pay the card off… and the Interest has now driven it up to $1200.

Jay has been selling his “toys” that he bought in the past… things like a TV… that he listened to but can’t see… a few other electronic things… etc.

He called last night to see if he could find a buyer for a high end desk top computer that cost a fortune when it was bought for him… but is worth nothing today as computer prices drop. The only person that it is worth something to is another blind person that needs a computer to read for him or her… but then they already have one of these as the Gov provides it for them – just like Jay.

And if Jay sells it – they will frown on him doing that and won’t allow him to get another one when up grades come along.

Jay now has a girl friend that he has never seen. Being blind you can’t see. She is nice and kind hearted. She is also on ODSP. Her funds are low as well. They are together quite a few times a week… the relationship is growing. Her needs are as great as his and her funds are locked in as well.

Do you see where this is possibly going? Jay may call and ask for me to marry them… or he may just leave his hard fought for place in the Senior’s Home where he gets good and safe care… and move in with his New Squeeze.

Jay’s big problem is that he loves to buy stuff. I wonder if the New Squeeze knows this?

I don’t doubt that they “love each other” or will soon start saying that… I am just doubtful about some stuff and I told him so.

This New Squeeze is the second Squeeze that has worked her way into this very vulnerable guy’s life. The last one found out that he was too hard to look after – after she had the apartment lined up for them to live in.

Life is 10 Percent what happens to me and 90 Percent what I do.

Jay has had a lot happen to him – but that is only 10% of his life. The other 90% has taken place with a mixture of drive and bad decisions. And now he faces the next level with a New Squeeze and no cash.

I listen and wonder, I tell him the way I see it all happening and how it is not good for him. There will be no increase in his funding… and if he leaves where he is at his health could be at great risk – the way it was the last time that he made a different “bad decision”.

How can I help him? The answer is simple – I cannot. I can pray for him – but that seems so utterly silly to even suggest that. So I listen.

Sheesh this feels so much like the old days of when I was a Pastor.

So what would you suggest? Now that you know the rest of the story… how would you deal with it.

I am off to the gym… I so need this today. La La La La La Laaaaaa!

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

Heroes and Heroines, Drug Addicts and Strippers – Hmmm?

Misty Hollow Carving
This BLOG is sponsored by “Misty Hollow Carving”. You are welcome to visit Misty Hollow and see all of my carvings.

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Today’s Blog Post

Heroes and Heroines, Drug Addicts and Strippers – Hmmm?

My wife and I watched the Robert Munsch story with great interest. The man and his wife bared their souls to the world. Letting them see how much difficulty he has been and perhaps is in.

Robert Munsch is a drug addict. Cocaine to be exact – plus perhaps an Alcoholic mixed in with it all. He is also Bipolar.

Robert Munsch is also a story teller and much loved author of children’s books. In fact with the help of great people near him his books are number one best sellers.

But Robert Munsch in not what most parents would want their kids to be – or near. He is a social outcast in most people’s terms of reference. Because he has become great – he is expected to have always been great – perfect – righteous and wonderful… BECAUSE that is what we want him to be if we buy his books and make him famous in our own minds! That is just the way that it has to be… and we demand it as a public.

There needs to be some thought in all of this. Maybe the public is in worse shape than he is with its attitudes. Shame on us!

Rima Fakih is deep doodoo as well. For a little different reason she is in a very hot seat now.

You likely have not heard her name as something that is a household toss around. She is the latest Miss Universe winner. A beauty to say the least!

Rima is an Arab-American that is 24 years old that has definitely stepped outside any of the Arab comfort zones that I am aware of… and strutted her stuff across a stage to beat out many other contestants. Gutsy to say the least knowing that a huge majority of the Arab world are Islamic with strict rules about women and there covering.

It seems that Ms Fakih was involved “un-Miss Universe-like” activities a few years ago… where she entered a Stripper 101 contest…

Quote from the National Post…
“On Sunday night, Rima Fakih was crowned Miss USA, but by yesterday morning she was outed as the past winner of another kind of ... pageant. One involving a pole. A stripper pole. Back in 2007, the 24-year-old competed in a local radio show's "Stripper 101" contest and her win this past weekend has stirred up photos of her working the pole. Now, according to the website of the radio show in question, Mojo in the Morning, the show's producers "have been contacted by representatives of Miss Universe requesting more photographs and information regarding Fakih's involvement in the 'Stripper 101' contest. When asked if Fakih's status as Miss USA was in danger, pageant representatives would not answer."
End quote..

The public expects far more from their heroes and heroines than the truth. If they are great they are perfect. And when we know more about the fact that they are real people – we are crushed and then crush them for being too real.

Am I defending strippers and drug addicts(or alcoholics) – and their chosen life styles? Yep – probably… it sounds like it. Imagine a Minister that would do such and thing. Nope not likely.

I am bugged by the inconsistency of ordinary people that react the way that they do. I am really bugged that the Media is the source of most of the tearing down of personalities… revelations and investigations. And we believe it all. We know nothing about the people that work these media displays of tearing down. Some of them have a far greater ‘failure rate’ than the ones that they write about.

It is that way in church as well. That is where “the public” goes for its spiritual stuff. When its leaders fail, they will quickly condemn him or her.

“The place where there seems to be less “Amazing Grace” than anywhere else is the church” one person commented to me lately.

Yet I think that the Church is no different than anywhere else – they have simply caught the wave that the world rides on now. Perfection from leaders – anything less is not acceptable. We want a stellar performance and anything that suggests that something might be wrong or out of order – is something we will cast out.

Recently someone told me of a Minister’s confession that he laid out for everyone to know about. It seems that this particular Minister had a weakness, a temptation, a weird side to his life. It was something that he kept hidden from everyone. Are you ready for this…?

This Minister, a man, wore women’s clothing below his Ministerial Garb. You know, like women’s panties, bras, nylons etc. He loved to play out his womanhood under his man clothing – in front of people – when no one knew about it. I guess he was super charged when he was a woman inside.

“SICK! That is PLAIN SICK!” Pretty much the normal reaction from most of the congregation. “We expect more from our Pastor” jeered his ousters.

But what about standards and expectations that the public has of its leaders? Are they not able to expect more?

My answer is. “No more than they expect of themselves!”

It is good people that go to watch strippers and pole dancers… that make these girls what they are. It is fun until we catch someone in the act… on in a past act.

Locally, one man that I know well and that had struggled with his own nightmares in sexuality – confessed that he had been to a number of bars and the one strip club in our city. He was dumbfounded when he looked up and saw a number of church people(men) sitting there ogling the pretty young things twisting and turning around stripper poles. Some of those watching were church leaders (not ministers)…. good Christian People.

Yikes – there is a terrible revelation for the world to read!

The Public is no different than their heroes. They have just as many hang ups and twisted ways… broken lives.

I am proud of Robert Munsch for being honest. I am sorry for Rima and her fate that may be sealed by her opponents and objectors.

BTW – why do people watch Beauty Pageants anyway?

Lots of mull over… lots.

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

Source:
http://www.nationalpost.com/news/canada/story.html?id=3039984
http://www.nationalpost.com/arts/story.html?id=3040056

A Good Retirement Plan – or Post Retirement Job Opportunity

Misty Hollow Carving
This BLOG is sponsored by “Misty Hollow Carving”. You are welcome to visit Misty Hollow and see all of my carvings.

My Web Site is a like a Gallery – please drop in for a stroll through.

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Today’s Blog Post
The following was sent to me by my friend Brenda. Thanks Brenda

A Good Retirement Plan – or Post Retirement Job Opportunity
Outside England's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were 1 ticket for cars ($1.40), 5 tickets for buses (about $7).
Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the Zoo Management called the City Council and asked it to send them another parking agent.

The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoo's own responsibility. The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee. The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payroll.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, or France, or Italy... is a man who'd apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years.

Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars ...... and no one even knows his name.

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

Walkerton - 10 Years Later

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This BLOG is sponsored by “Misty Hollow Carving”. You are welcome to visit Misty Hollow and see all of my carvings.

My Web Site is a like a Gallery – please drop in for a stroll through.

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Walkerton - 10 Years Later
I lived in Walkerton when they dug the new wells.  The water was clean and tasted wonderful in the mid 1970s.  The old water wells were terrible.

In 2000 the people that were looking after the cleanliness of that same new well, didn't do their job.  People died because of that and many, many people were very sick. Some have experienced problems ever since that time.

Today I am thinking of Walkerton and its residence. I am also thinking of Stan Koebel as manager and Frank Koebel as water foreman that made the huge mistakes at that time. Their families were deeply affected with what happened as well.

Remember Walkerton today.

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/

Husbands and Shopping – Not good idea

Misty Hollow Carving
This BLOG is sponsored by “Misty Hollow Carving”. You are welcome to visit Misty Hollow and see all of my carvings.

My Web Site is a like a Gallery – please drop in for a stroll through.

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Husbands and Shopping – Not good idea
My friend Trevor sent me this latest account of another husband that was taken shopping. Upon his retirement his wife loved having him come along. Not a good idea. Enjoy.
~ Murray Lincoln ~

Today’s Blog Post


WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1.June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2.July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3.July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4.July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5.August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6.August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7.August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged...

8.August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his
nose.

10.September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11.October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12.October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13.October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14.October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15.October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

~ Murray Lincoln ~
http://www.murraylincoln.com/